911: Don't call with that nonsense

Working for 911 over the years has made me shake my head on more than one occasion. I would never call 911 for reasons some people feel are an emergency. Since I have been blessed with the ignorance & idiocy of some callers, I thought I would share their insightful wisdom with you as well. Maybe you can laugh at them the way I do. Enjoy!

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"911, where is your emergency?"

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The fishy thing is (no pun intended), when the responding officer got out there, he asked for another unit (officer).

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"911, where is your emergency?"

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Hi, 911? Letting you know I’m home

911, where is your emergency?

Cryptic Female: Ok. Um. I just wanna let you know know I made it safely home to (gives address).

Me: (hesitates) Were you supposed to tell the police you were safely home? I’m confused.

Cryptic: Yeah. That’s why I called back.

Me: Ok. Are you wanting an officer to come there?

Cryptic: Ummm (long pause). Yes.

Me: Ok. What is this regarding?

Cryptic: Someone following me? From the bar. Some crazy guy.

(I then get her name & number)

Me: Is the person that followed you there?

Cryptic: Maybe

Me: Well, can you look out the window & tell me?

Cryptic: Um. Yeah. Outside on the block.

Me: Why are you talking to cryptically? Are they out there?

Cryptic: Oh. No, because I can barely hear you. I just got out the shower.

(LONG PAUSE)

Me: You just said you just got home so how did you just get out of the shower?

Cryptic: Because when I got out the shower, I went to call you

Me: (rolling my eyes at this point) Ok, I’ll send an officer over to talk to you.

Cryptic: Ok, thank you.

    **** female called back 5 minutes later @ 0021 ****

911, where is your emergency?

Cryptic: Oh, yes. I was just wondering if the officer was here yet?

Me: Where is here?

Cryptic: At my door.

Me: Where is your door? What’s your address?

(Cryptic female gives address)

Me: No, they’re on their way. They’ll knock or ring your doorbell

Cryptic: Ok, thank you. Bye

**** female called back @ 0034 (13 minutes after I last spoke to her) ****

911, where is your emergency?

Cryptic: Yes, I was wondering, did the officer get here yet?

Me: Where is here?

(Cryptic gives address this time)

(I look up the call in the computer)

Me: They came to your house @ twelve-thirty - 4 minutes ago. They said there was no answer @ your door or on your phone.

Cryptic: Oh! Well, I heard the doorbell ring, but they didn’t call me.

Me: No, I told you they were coming. That was them @ the door

Cryptic: Oh! ok. Can you tell them to come back?

Me: Yeah. I will do that.

Cryptic: Ok, thank you. I’ll be looking for them.

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I’m safe; she’s American

911, where is your emergency?

Elderly female from a nursing care place calls because the staff refused to give her her medication and caller claims the staff member threw away her meds. I stayed on the line until the police showed up, keeping the woman engaged in conversation & listening to her ramble about the supervisor sleeping w/ all the female staff members.

Once the officer arrived, I advised the caller and stated I would stay on the line until the officer was with her.

After maybe 45 seconds, the caller said that the woman who does her respiratory care showed up in the room & could let me go if I wanted.

Me: Do you want to hang up? I can stay on the line if you like.

Elderly female: Yeah, cuz she's American. She respects me.

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Battery Acid thrown on caller’s 8 mo. old twins

Sorry, Tumblr, for not posting in a great while. I’m still at 911 & still getting the typical ridiculous callers. They haven’t been as entertaining as my previous posts so I saved you, & I, the unnecessary time having to read (in my case, write) them.

Tonight, I’m writing something a little different. I took a call that really rattled me. The call came in as a transfer from Poison Control. It was a conference call & I was connected to a father of 8 month old twins who had been intentionally exposed to battery acid. The man couldn’t verify his address so I had to go with what the Poison Control operator said, which isn’t too big of a deal, as long as it was accurate. After I tended to the babies and make sure they’re still conscious & breathing, I then ask questions to figure out what exactly happened while the police and the EMS are enroute. Inside, I’m frantically trying to save the twins, as well as get crucial information to the police. 

According to the father/ caller, the mother of his children knew that a friend of hers (Hakim) had thrown battery acid on the babies. After I ensured the babies were medically tended to (as much as I could do over the phone), I then pursued information on this horrible act. When I asked to speak w/ the caller’s wife/ mother of his children, he stated that she had just left; she left when I asked to speak w/ her. The caller then started saying that she left on foot, but didn’t know what she was wearing. He didn’t know what direction she was heading and started to no longer make sense. Originally, the caller told me the babies were literally behind him on the couch, screaming (though, I couldn’t hear them). After I got as much information about the wife as I could (as helpless as that was), I then tended back to the babies. I asked the caller if they were still breathing. He then told me that his wife took the babies with her when she left. He mentioned something about someone having a gun. When I tried to better understand what he said about a gun, he must have put the phone down because I then had an open line with nothing heard, but silence.

Thankfully, poison control had gotten the caller’s name & phone number prior to connecting him over to me.

I waited on the line, listening for anything in the background. I periodically said the caller’s name, hoping he would hear me and respond. When the officers arrived, and I heard them talking to the caller, I then disconnected.

The outcome? The caller is schizophrenic, has never been married nor had children.

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911: used for date / time information

911, where is your emergency?

Ignorant caller: Can you give me the correct date & time?

Calltaker: This is 911. Do you have an emergency?

Ignorant caller: Can you give me the date & time?

Calltaker: This line is for emergencies

Ignorant caller: So you can't give me the date & time?

Calltaker: Do you have an emergency?

Ignorant caller: No

Calltaker: Have a nice day

* disconnected on caller *

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911: I can hear things when they're silent!

911, where is your emergency? Male with Super sensitive hearing: "yes, I hear a silent alarm going off." (Correct me if I'm wrong, but it wouldn't exactly be "silent," would it?)

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911: (why call us for this? Call your Doctor)

911, where is your emergency? 

Nervous Male: Hi.

* long, drawn out pause *

Me: Hello. Where is your emergency?

Nervous: Um, I got a call & I don't know if you can help me out, but I got a call from Philadelphia Service Health Center or something.

Me: Ok...?

Nervous: They were saying that somebody put me down to call to let me know that I need to come in & get tested, Is that... would they call from a blocked number?

Me: I wouldn't know. You'd have to call the Health Center

Nervous: Of Philadelphia, though?

Me: Yes, to verify

Nervous: Do you have that number?

Me: No, that would be information. 411.

Nervous: Ok. Cuz, I'm a little entailed right now. I just don't know what to do.

Me: If you're questioning it, you'd have to call them to verify if it's legit.

Nervous: Yeah, but they never gave me their name or anything

Me: You have to call the company they say they're with

Nervous: Ok. All right. I'll do that.

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911: Do I have health insurance?

911, where is your emergency?

Senseless female: My husband & I have insurance & they didn't take it out for two months & I don't know if I have insurance or not.

** pause **

Me: Insurance for what?

Senseless: Health

Me: You would have to contact the insurance company

Senseless: I can't get 'em

Me: Ok, well, this is 911, ma'am. This is if you need police, fire, or an ambulance. I wouldn't know if you have insurance or not. You'd have to contact your insurance company.

** Senseless did the sensible thing & disconnected without another word **

                                                                                              8.31.2014

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911: What's my address?

911, where is your emergency? Woman: Yes. I'm trying to get into my house, but my boyfriend won't let me. I live there & all I want is my pocketbook & my clothes. Me: What's your address? Woman: (asks someone in background, "what's my address?") (I hear other person in background give the address) --------------------- Yet, YOU live there???? O.k.

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911: if you're not white,you're not American

After obtaining location information from a guy who was jumped, I then asked if the 3 male subjects were "white, black, Hispanic, or Asian." Ignorant Male: 1 is Puerto Rican & the other 2 are Americans *brief pause* Me: o...Kay, are they white, black, Hispanic, or Asian Americans, sir? Ignorant: I guess they're all white then Me: well, is the 1st guy white or Hispanic? Ignorant: he looks white but with a dark tan Me: Puerto Rican is of Hispanic descent so is he white or Hispanic? Ignorant: he's Hispanic then, I guess *** "Americans" though??? People are such ignorant hicks sometimes ***

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911: the express EZpass lane IS a cattle shoot, not a toll

911, where is your emergency?

Male: there's an accident northbound on the blue route at the "high speed cattle shoot"

Me: Is "high speed cattle shoot" a business, sir?

Male: No, it's the EZpass lane at the mid-county toll

Me: Have they already crossed through the toll? (I am now trying to determine the correct jurisdiction)

Male: No, there's no toll! It's the EZ pass lane; you just keep driving

** There is, in fact, a toll paid even if one doesn't have to stop, but I kept this thought to myself **

.. ."cattle shoot" though?? hahaha

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911: A customer is not a customer if he's a friend of a customer

I took a call for a disturbance at Tilted Kilt in Upper Merion Twp. The male caller stated that he was talking to a manager when a man came over & started threatening the caller, asking the caller to come outside & fight...

Me: Is he an employee or a customer?

Male: Uh, I believe he's on the employee side

Me: So he works there?

Male: No, he doesn't work there

Me: So, he's a customer?

Male: No, I don't think he's a customer either. I think he's a friend of a customer.

                  -------------------------------

**ding! ding! ding! That makes him a customer!**

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911: "G" as in "Jaws"

Yes. You read that title correctly. I took a call from a man who gave me his apt.# When I asked him to clarify his apt: "G as in Golf" or "D as in Delta," he replied, "no. 'G' as in 'Jaws'." I then asked him, "J as in Jaws?" He said, "No. G as in Jaws." I said, "sir, 'jaws' is spelled with a 'J'. Is it J as in Jaws? Or G as in Golf? He said, "no. G as in Girl." There's a lot to be said for literacy, folks.

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911: he can't be here because he has warts & takes rape medication

I can't make this stuff up even if I wanted to... A 911 call came in regarding a domestic between a female caller & her mother. The caller was going on about how her mother needs to be 302'd (ie. needs psychiatric help) and is off her medications. Looking at the priors, the mother had called in before because her daughter's boyfriend was not allowed to be at the house. Why, you ask? Because the boyfriend "has warts & takes rape medication"

                                                                       hahahahahahahahaha    ha.

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911: My sister is not the brightest bulb in the box

I took a 911 call that started out very regular. A woman called saying she came to her sister's house & it looked like someone had tried to break in. I asked if anyone had made entry & she didn't think so. I delved deeper when she stated that someone broke the panels on the storm door. Was the door that opens into the house open when she arrived there? Yes. OK. Had she been throughout the house? Only the 1st floor. Great! I advised her to wait outside for the police. As the police are now enroute, I asked her what the time frame was that this may have occurred... Here is the idiocy that ensued:

Me: What was the time frame that this may have happened?

(caller asks someone in background)

Female:about half an hour ago

Me: So how long have you been gone from the house?

Female: We're in the house now

Me: How long have you been gone from the house is what I'm asking. When did you leave & when did you come back?

Female: No, no. She was in here at the time.

Me: So someone was in the home when this happened?

Female:Yes, she was sleeping & heard the commotion.

Me: And this was 30 minutes ago?

Female: Mm-hmm

Me: Ok. She didn't call the police then?

Female: No. She called me & I came right over.

     ** why do people not think to call the POLICE instead??? If someone is literally breaking down your door, what happens if they get inside and rape you? Or kill you?? What sense does it make to call someone who lives somewhere else before calling the police for help? I. just. don't. get. it.