Jason: So.
Jason: How many murders did you refrain from committing today?
Damian: Thirty two.
Jason: Good for you.
Jason: Here, have a cookie.
Damian, expectantly: I also refrained from fourteen severe maimings.
Jason: *hands him a second cookie*
Bruce:
Jason: positive reinforcement
Okay I so very much want criminals thinking Red Hood is not killing then because Batman offered him cookies. And what if they think Red Hood started working with the bats because of cookies in the first place?
I now want this
as some criminal trying to explain how red hood ended up working with the bats
And then I want my beloved thug named Jeff to, as Dan is putting together the PowerPoint, go recruiting and find a baker to bring into the fold because they need all the enticements they can get their hands on if they’re going to get their boss back
Or just one of Red Hood’s goons to straight up go to culinary school or whatever because apparently boss likes cookies enough to work with Batman so surely if they can do better…
Bruce appeases Murder Child for the first time
Murder Child devours appeasing offerings on the streets of Gotham
Batman gives Murder Child a GINGERSNAP COOKIE???
Criminal reaction - the Murder Child has rejected the appeasing offering!
Our main thug Jeff luring the Red Hood into their old headquarters just for Hood to walk into the main meeting area that had a table absolutely loaded with different baked goods.
Jeff: listen boss—I can still call you boss right?— anyways boss, so a bunch of us got together and put our man Bill—(say hi to Hood Bill!)—through patisserie school. It’s always been a dream of his. But anyways, this way you don’t have to go to the bat for cookies. Bill here learned to make 34 different types! Along with a boatload of other stuff. That way you can come back. Batman has nothing to hold over you now.
Jason, touched (he’s not crying you’re crying): yeah man
Later:
Jason: Sorry B, they made too good of an argument.
As Jason turns and walks out you can see Damian clinging to the back of his jacket like a baby koala (he heard about the baked offerings).
Thug named Jeff my beloved
Yes this is perfect
I was smiling till the end, and the image of gremlin Damian absolutely latched on and clutching to the back of Jason’s jacket just fricking SENT ME!😂
@fleur-des-lore I love these tags haha
Dick, holding one hand out towards Bats while holding a criminal in an armbar: APPEASE ME BAT AND YOUR REHABILITATION WILL BE POSSIBLE
Tim, facepalming behind Batman: it didn’t have to be that dramatic. Also that’s a nonlethal hold idiot.
Bruce, figuring the cookies in his belt are gonna get stale, handing them over despite knowing Dick isn’t going to kill: very well, Chum.
You know this sort of thing is definitely what would make people go from “I can’t believe Batman has sidekicks those poor kids” to “I can’t believe Batman is single-handedly keeping these feral children on the side of the heroes”
