Gentle Is The Rose That Bleeds

• lover through and through • 19 • she/her

[2milena4u]

Something you've noticed in society?

I know far too many women around my age who don’t understand the full value of eye contact. Up to 90% of communication is in facial expression and body language, and you’re screwing yourself out of major opportunities to gather information if you’re unable or not used to looking into people’s eyes and taking note of how they're interacting with the space they're inhabiting. I know that much of the way I communicate with people involves facial expression, and because I’m not always using English or conversing, much of how I convey emotion is made apparent through my face. Expressions are just another form of communication, and it doesn’t mean that someone is wise, mature, or even wildly emotionally intelligent if they can read someone’s face or body; it just means that they know how to see social cues and can read a room accurately.

I have a good friend who struggles to make eye contact, brings out her phone and scrolls instead of engaging with her setting or the people around her, and who doesn’t make an effort to jump in and participate, and she’s constantly missing out on the small, nonverbal social cues that would help her keep up. She was always anxious, and covid was awful for people who don’t thrive in isolation. There’s a scene I love in The Crown where Josh O’Connor and Emerald Fennell, as Charles and Camilla, host a dinner party. It’s supposed to be a humorous scene, and it is, but what matters isn’t the content; what matters is how visible their chemistry is and how they’re able to interact and keep up with each other. It’s one of my favorite examples to use because of the back and forth; you can tell that the actors are portraying two characters who are deeply in tune with one another. 

To end this, I’m going to reiterate that learning how to read a room is a social skill, as are getting used to making and maintaining natural eye contact and learning how to read body language. They’re all things that can be strengthened through effort and frequent attempts. If your brain is accustomed to not making eye contact, you’ve been isolated, or it’s something you’ve struggled with for a long time due to shyness, you’ll default to thinking that you’re doing something wrong or weird, but you have to push through the feeling and keep going. You learn through experience and persistence, not by expecting to flex something you know you struggle with and have neglected to improve when presented with prior opportunities.

[2milena4u]

I have a mother who has never tolerated social ineptitude; she doesn’t believe it would be acceptable to have children that didn’t know how to socialize or who stuck out, and so she made it her duty to help us fit in. I think that the concept of parents helping their children fit in has been overlooked in favor of a feelings first approach and society has suffered for it; there are times when I’ve had to say something to a friend that should’ve been handled or taught by their parents so that they wouldn’t be bullied or get grief for something socially unacceptable or even normal. I also think that younger people tend to believe their own desires and eccentricities should be accommodated at any cost, and it does no favors to them when their parents refuse to correct them or speak about life’s realities.

My parents and grandparents also modeled a lot of positive behaviors for us, and I’ve held to many of those behaviors throughout the years because they’re ingrained within me. From making an effort to cook whole meals, to being a safe space to talk about anything, to helping us adjust to moving to America, to helping us become independent, to making sure they were with us outside, and to making sure exercise looked fun. They weren’t just doing this because they thought it should be done; they were doing it because they were told that the only way to raise a successful family was to encourage your children to be successful, and the only way to encourage them to be successful was to model behavior that you saw as successful and to be an encouraging, supportive, and loving parent.

There were some things that were never a discussion either, and I appreciate them never letting us push back. Being able to say “this is what I do and this is who I am“, avoiding the easy way out instead of going through, and never negotiating with myself are all things that I learned when I was young because the people around me believed in themselves. There was also a level of discipline that I learned starting when I was very young, not necessarily religious discipline, but human discipline. I was told I was meant to live a beautiful life, but to have that, I had to do things that would support my mind, my body, and my soul and I was taught to see fulfillment not as something that was solely meant to be enjoyable, but as almost a responsibility and told to ask myself “is this something that will fulfill me?” if I ever felt any sort of self doubt.

Your parents are the people who are supposed to set life up for you. I’m very lucky in that I had parents who were mature, financially able, and very excited to raise children and set their lives up for them. The first opportunities I had in my life were because of my mother and father and the opportunities my Bubbe made available for my mother benefit myself and all of my siblings to this day. The privilege of having a large, loving extended family was stolen from both my mother and her own mother, and to compensate, building relationships; being well educated and well connected; having connections to a large religious community; understanding we all had potential; and many other things were highly prized and encouraged by both my family and my community growing up.

[2milena4u]

My, arguably correct, opinion is that you do have to delete your Tumblr/anon accounts if you want to get any traction or actually level up at some point. Not even level up; grow up. Some people have had their accounts for a decade and a half, wonder why they haven’t been able to do much, and don’t seem to realize that when you allow yourself to be the same person online for years and years, you’ll struggle to mature or grow out of the online image you created for yourself. Life is best lived in the real world; I know that I have an end date on this website and I know that it will be for better. The final act of leveling up is letting go.

I feel the same way about using snark forums; a healthy person isn’t spending all day stalking other people and snarking on their every movement. I used to love a good snark forum until I realized that so many of the things I thought were funny were actually just projections from insecure women who were lashing out at people they perceived to be better than them. I deleted my Reddit on a whim and genuinely almost immediately started feeling better because I wasn’t internalizing so much bullshit and didn’t have access to it to be able to consume it. And I will admit that it took a few weeks, but the way I thought and spoke of people changed when I wasn't snarking or going out of my way to be a hater. It was lame, weirdo behavior, and I unfollowed a lot of people on Tumblr who promoted that sort of thing as well. Life starts to feel really good when you're not consuming unnecessary negativity.

[silverscreen-andfashion]

JACLYN SMITH in The Users, 1978

colorized by me in photoshop

[aligning-and-attracting]

What do you think helps you the most with men?

I take really good care of myself.

I’m reasonably educated and intelligent.

I have many hobbies and interests.

I read a lot of books about Jewish mysticism.

I love talking to and hearing from other people.

I do well in social settings and I love an event.

I cook and I bake and I use both to my advantage.

I’m athletic and enjoy playing different sports.

I’m well traveled and enjoy going places.

I’m self aware and can acknowledge my limitations.

I’m not afraid to ask questions or to volunteer myself.

I have good friends and I love meeting people.

I’m very particular with how I style myself.

I have many passions and a genuine lust for life.

I’m not afraid of making an effort or seeming uncool.

[womenofwilderness]

In 1987, Arlene Blum hiked the length of the European Alps with her daughter on her back.

[silverscreen-andfashion]

LYNDA CARTER by Tony Esparza, 1979

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

https://ko-fi.com/brokenmusicbox

[squad157]

[distantvoices]

Sade, London, 1992

Photography Albert Watson

[vanillacorset]

[lipfilllers]

[boop428-deactivated20260202]

“In intoxication, physical or spiritual, the initiate recovers an intensity of feeling which prudence had destroyed; one finds the world full of delight and beauty, and the imagination is suddenly liberated. The Bacchic ritual produced what was called 'enthusiasm', which means etymologically having the god enter the worshipper, who believed that she became one with the god.”

- Bertrand Russell, A History of Western Philosophy

[gatabella]

Virna Lisi, 1960s

[the-pretty-narcissist]

the way i determine if someone is worth my time and worth interacting with is by asking myself this question--would an upper middle class/wealthy person engage with this individual? would they publicly associate with this person? would they cross a room to shake hands with this person? if the answer is no, then they're not getting my energy.

I feel like when it comes to strategic networking, many people spend the early stages wasting a lot of time by interacting with people who will never be able to do anything for them. since adopting this rule, I have saved so much of my precious energy by reserving it for people who are guaranteed to benefit me.

when I was younger I used to network based on potential and soon realized that it was going to take me a long time to find the people worth knowing because many people start off strong and then taper off and never fulfill their actual potential. I'm trying to avoid wasting time, sitting around, hoping that someone will blossom into a high value person. it's so much easier to just associate with people who are already there.

like rather than wasting my time networking with the people at networking events, I should just go to events where people are already established. for example, in college they would have these student, early professional events and I used to waste my time there thinking I'd meet that one special person and we'd end up having our cinematic movie friendship/career evolution--the one where we maintain contact for our entire lives and help each other up. that's cute. there's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but sometimes people don't end up anywhere near where you expected them to be in life and then you're 15 years in the future with a connection that didn't evolve into anything beneficial, just a burden at that point.

networking with people who are at the same level as me is foolish. if I want to be a lawyer, I'm not going to the pre law networking events. I'm joining legal associations and letting them know my intentions right off the bat. (and yes, I am actually doing this. I am a member of several legal associations that are intended for established professionals, but my interest in attending meetings while not even being credentialed yet, signals to them that I am serious and they respect that. I also stand out because well....how many people are moving like a lawyer without actually being one?? I'm showing an uncommon level of seriousness and it makes me stand out in a good way. I sit in on meetings, make room in schedule to attend events and ask questions when I have them. this will do wonders for me when I do get credentialed). The people you network with need to be above you. Do not waste your time with people who are at your level or below. The ROI is not guaranteed and it's a horrible way to invest your time.

[a-summer-in-florence]

I absolutely stand by this. Youve put it so wonderfully into words. Often times it can be so tempting to buy into the idea of potential. Especially when there are skills, or positions that become stronger with time. Though in its own way, it can be quiet blinding. You get caught up in the future of what could be, which is wonderful, and people often trade it in for the reality at hand. Which at times, is not. I always think about this comment my grandmother made to my cousin who was absolutely enamoured by this doctor-to-be, who spent more time talking about what he was going to do then doing it. "If he really was capable of so much, why is it that all he's got to show for himself right now are his fantasies?"

[silverscreen-andfashion]

LUCILLE BALL in Annabel Takes a Tour, 1938

[perriaeyjeve]