heat death of the universe.

tw: coping blog. this blog contains themes pertaining to trauma, dissociation, etc. keep yourself safe.

[mercurialramblings]

When does it stop being "you're so resilient" and become "you can rest now"?

[a-universes-demise]

they called me sensitive, but what they really meant was “it’s your fault for being traumatized by our actions”

[only-knives]

As an adult still living with their abusive parent, I often find that affirmations meant to empower me are unhelpful at best. They often feel like they're overstating the amount of agency I have as an adult; I've spent my entire life being abused. It's all I know and I have a lifetime of conditioning and nervous system damage to show for it.

All that doesn't just go away now that I'm older than 18, and neither do the material circumstances that keep me here. Even though I have more legal rights and have grown since I was younger, I am still not in control by the very nature of being the victim in an abusive relationship. So, for those who relate, here are some affirmations that might hit different:

My abuser does not have my best interests in mind, even if they think they do.

I am my own person; my mind and body belong to me.

My feelings are justified, and I deserve to feel and express them.

I am doing what I need to survive, and that is all I need to do.

I am doing my best given the knowledge, resources, and support I have.

I am the only person who can decide what is best for me.

My situation is unfair and wrong. I deserve to be happy and safe.

I do not have to engage in toxic positivity; that will only hurt me.

As long as I am alive, there is something good in this life for me - no matter how small.

I have inherent rights just because I exist.

I shouldn't have to deal with this on my own; I deserve support and protection.

Everything I need is something I deserve. Everything I deserve is something I need.

If any of these don't resonate, feel free to discard them. Everyone finds comfort and empowerment differently.

[duckdotcom]

*sigh* looks like i've got to block anoth-

oh!

[east-n-roll]

👌

[leam1983]

I'd take a Shorn Bot, personally.

Nothing but pics of the freshest, cleanest, recently-shorn sheep embracing their return to their svelte springtime selves.

[difficultsuggestions]

Love doesn’t leave you traumatized.

[difficultsuggestions]

Listen to me, LOVE doesn’t leave you traumatized. What was happening to you wasn’t love.

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[publicdescriptionsofthemoon]

on being raised on fairy tales in which you are the monster // a. m. h.

[thelightfluxtastic]

[Image ID:

ON BEING RAISED ON FAIRY TALES IN WHICH YOU ARE THE MONSTER

young one, there are things in this forest that want to hurt you yes, we mean the forest we are raising you in yes, we mean the forest we will not let you leave young one, the only things in this forest want to hurt you

young one, the things in this forest have claws and fangs yes, we mean claws like the ones on your hands yes, we mean fangs like the ones in your mouth yes, we mean you should avoid things with claws and fangs they are dangerous ang only want to hurt you

young one, everything in this forest needs to be killed they’re dangerous, too dangerous to live yes, we mean this forest that you are in yes, we mean this forest we will not let you leave

the things are so dangerous, young one yes, we mean things like you nothing good lives in this forest that’s why we won’t let anything leave

young one, why are you looking at us like that? why are you barring your fangs, slashing your claws? this is exactly what we mean everything in this forest wants to hurt us everything in this forest needs to be killed

End ID]

[inkskinned]

of course i'm angry. do you have any idea how many times someone should have helped me?

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[inkskinned]

there is something so ... small. about knowing, suddenly - oh, you don't actually want to hear me, do you?

knowing with crystal clarity: you're trying to communicate, and they're just trying to win something over you.

knowing you can never explain how this feels to them, because, of course - even if you did, they wouldn't fucking listen in the end.

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[guooey]

[gatheringbones]

“I am going to send my abuser a book on abuse and then they will read it and understand it and validate everything I have been through and our relationship will be healed” I hope you feel every feeling associated with this fantasy to its fullest and most cathartic and useful extent and then I hope you do literally anything else with your time and energy.

[time-travel-toke-up]

I can say from experience that they will reject literal reality and substitute one where you're exaggerating and trying to ruin their reputation.

Don't spend time on something that will end in disappointment. You can't get a refund on that shit. And you cannot force someone who wants to absolve themselves to accept facts. Because facts don't care about feelings, and they are going to prioritize avoiding discomfort every. fucking. time. And they groom their allies just as hard as their victims...

Prioritize your sanity, and let that shit go. Not the boundaries and higher standards you set for yourself and how you allow others to treat you- the idea that your abuser will see the light and do a 180 and that will fix the relationship you had with them.

Has it happened? It's statistically improbable that it has not. But it's just as improbable as you being the lucky one who gets the "Good Ending". You do not need them to acknowledge it for it to be real, and you do not need them to apologize to start your own healing.

[gatheringbones]

I love this addition, it feels like it is coming from a gruff friend who wants to lay it out for you straight so you don’t hurt yourself. It reeks of love.

also it reminded me of the Stages of Grief— Bargaining and Denial specifically. I think there’s a bargain being wagered by a grieving person when they tell themselves that if they find the perfect book and hand it off to their abuser in the perfect way (with every pertinent passage underlined and dogeared for their convenience) then the bond will be salvaged and they won’t have to face the grief associated with the reality of the relationship.

Which is why I want anyone who has this urge to really lean into the fantasy and what it would mean. Go to those passages you underlined. Go to those parts of the book you most want the person you love to read and understand. Think about what it would really mean if they actually got it. Think about those awful wasted years where this information could have changed the course of everything. Think about the adult this person could have become if they had encountered their information in their youth. Think about the adult you could have become. Grieve those never-realized selves. Actually feel it, instead of letting your avoidance shove you into trying to fix and solve and mend.

it will be okay! it only feels like it will kill you! the way out is through!

[desnos]

[desnos]

it shouldn’t have to be so hard // please don’t give up

[skoople]

another heavy handed symbolism moment: my mom has a potted sunflower in the kitchen. because it is a sunflower, it keeps turning towards the light from the window. my mother keeps rotating it so it faces inward because she wants "to see its beautiful petals and have it really brighten up the space!" . the sunflower is visibly wilting .

[ruimtetijd]

[a-universes-demise]

today i bought an entire cookies and cream cake. the frosting was sweet and soft and tasted, as promised, like cream and cookies. i wouldn’t have been able to taste something so nice if i’d been dead.