Zach Does Something I Guess @a-zack-on-titan - Tumblr Blog

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jamesusilljournal

Enki Bilal

centuriespast

Female Life Study William Edward Frost (1810–1877) Victoria and Albert Museum

thunderstruck9

Otto Dix (German, 1891-1969), Schwangeres Weib [Pregnant Woman], 1919. Oil on canvas, 135.2 x 72.3 cm.

skullofjoy

Costa Dvorezky - Captive

whatjanesaw

Patient Human, oil on canvas, 80cm X 60cm, 2015.The condition of contemporary human. Milan Nenezic

urbancripple

If You’re Gonna Make Something Wheelchair Accessible, Don’t Make it a Thing

Here’s some examples awkward accessibility being a thing:

Your at a hotel that has a lift to get you from one sub-floor to another, but the lift can only be unlocked and operated by one specific person that the hotel now has to go find. Sure, they’ve made the entrance to the sub-floor is accessible, but now it’s a thing.

The buses are wheelchair accessible but the driver has to stop the bus, take 30 seconds to lower the goddamn ramp, move passengers out of their seats, hook up the straps and then secure you in the bus. Sure, they’ve made the busses accessible but now it’s a thing.

The restaurant has an accessible entrance, but it’s past the trash room and through the kitchen. Sure, the restaurant is accessible, but now it’s an insulting thing.

Here’s some great examples of accessibility not being a thing:

The train to the airport pulls up flush with the platform. I board with everyone else and sit wherever the fuck I want. Riding the train is accessible and not a thing.

In Portland, I press a button the side of the streetcar and a ramp automatically extends at the same time the door opens. I board in the same amount of time as everyone else. This is not a thing.

I get that it is difficult to design for wheelchair accessibility, but folks need to start considering the overall quality of the experience versus just thinking about meeting the minimum requirements.

Day 7

So I’m a week in and I feel significantly better than I did before. No shaky hands. No discomfort. Just trouble sleeping. The other night I managed to go out and sit at a bar without feeling weird about not drinking (I ordered a coke with a garnish to make it look like I ordered a mixed drink). The night was fulfilling as I established a fruitful connection with someone and I may have a job at that bar soon. They hold smash bros tournaments on wednesdays and unlimited sushi on mondays so I’ve certainly got my fingers crossed that I land this gig. Beyond that I don’t have a lot to report. I discovered that next week, I’ll be attending a bar crawl for a friends birthday which initially doesn’t seem challenging to me.

But I discovered that a slew of people from my past, who wronged me in significant ways, are going to be there. People who had no scruples when it came to tarnishing how my professors and friends saw me. What they did was the first milestone in the timeline of my alcoholism (while I fully acknowledge the two years of drinking that followed are entirely my choice) I thought I wouldn’t have to see any of them again but somehow they entered the life of my good friend. Its charming how things come full circle like that. Now I get to stare them in the face as they stare back feeling nothing for what they did let alone even recalling it. The power in any dynamic lies in the hands of the person who cares the least and they demonstrated that idea like it was breathing. And the cherry on top is that they’re going to see me in my well withered state. Its going to be a struggle to stay sober around that. I may just give myself a pass that night but we’ll see how well I can adjust myself before then. Good news is I have some practices with my vocal partner to look forward to this week so that’ll get my mind off things. I’m gonna go cook some asparagus and lift.

#sobriety #sober #staying dry #one week

Day 5

So I missed a couple of entries because I’ve been working doubles for the past three days. As soon as I get home I pass out so there wasn’t much opportunity to update. To be honest things stopped being rough around day 4. My hands don’t shake at all and I’m not sweating. [PARAGRAPH ABOUT POOP AHEAD] Also shits have become regular again. Which feels great. Growing up, what I wasn’t told about alcoholism was how it will dramatically effect your bowel movements. You’re gassy as hell but there’s really nothing solid to release because you barely eat. And if your muscles atrophy enough as a result, the muscle control of the sphincter becomes significantly diminished. Which turns farting into something as agonizing as disarming a bomb, but now I’m back to the good old days of solid regularity.

Sleep is still a bitch but I recently had the idea that the reason my mind is so active when I try to sleep is because I don’t exhaust my body during the day. When you’re boozing as often as I was, it doesn’t matter whether or not you exhausted yourself because you can always tranq your way to slumberland. So I have to develop a more rigorous routine and see how that effects me. Anything to make my body sore by the end of the day.

The cravings are not particularly intense or even present for that matter. Admittedly I miss the ritual but I’ve replaced it with other things. However I’m having dinner with someone tonight and I’m going to feel strange drinking water the whole time without having to explain myself. I know I shouldn’t have to but it isn’t about being embarrassed of trying to stay dry. Its because I’ve found that every time I tell someone, that I know personally, that I’m trying to achieve anything, the endeavor loses steam and ultimately falls through. Its the reason one of my friends said that if I was a cracked.com article, the headline would read “5 Reasons Why I’m Totally Gonna Do It This Time”. Sun Tzu said not to announce your movements. Its a weird way to apply that advice but I’m more confident that I can stay dry if I don’t tell anyone. Show don’t tell. My friends have noticed that I’ve been particularly humorless lately. I’ll laugh if something is funny but I’m not as compelled to make the people around me laugh as I would be when I was at least a little buzzed. I haven’t forgotten that I was born with a sizable stick up my ass and at this point removal needs to be surgical. Booze was the only lubricant effective enough to remove it. That and the afterglow of a fresh orgasm but that only lasts so long and for me its not as easily accessible. I’d like to work on becoming less rigid and serious, I’m just not entirely certain as to how one undoes years of irish-catholic conditioning. Today I’m going to clear my living space a little more and do some meal prep for the week. Depending on where I end up after dinner I’m gonna kill myself at the weight bench and then throw my weight vest on and walk until I can’t feel my legs. I may draw after that.

#alcoholism #recovery #regular shits #sobriety #staying dry