are you out to your parents and if so what or how do you recommend coming out to them?
Yes I’m out to my parents. Here’s how I did it:
Between the ages of 16 och 19 i was questioning my gender a lot, but did not talk to my parents about it. I started saving up money bc i was pretty sure i wouldn’t be comfortable or welcome to keep living at their house. I moved to a dorm and studied art for a year, during that time i came out to them bit by bit by writing a letter, introducing my new name and pronouns and just generally having the conversation with them when i came home to visit. It took quite a while for them to get used to the idea. And their initial reaction was to say “Well, you’re welcome to live here, but we don’t really get it”.
After art school i lived with them for a year, it was not super great for my mental health, but over time they’ve grown more and more supportive. I’m an activist so i’m very up to date and outspoken about the way trans people are treated (mainly in Sweden, where i live) and i think hearing my rants have helped them understand that it’s hard to be trans in this current climate, and it’s not a fad or phase. They’ve also seen that i’ve become way more happy and comfortable, so i think that also helped them accept it.
What i’m trying to say with this is that it’s always gona me weird to come out, and parents reactions may change over time.
I think there are some points to bear in mind when you plan your coming out:
You can’t predict their reaction, and you can’t really prepare for it either, so focus on securing your own well being. Have money saved up, find a friend you can crash at if you need to put a little distance between you and them.
Talk about it in general terms first to gage their respons and maybe educate them. Bring up an example (a friend, a tv-show) and talk about how you support trans rights (and why).
It’s probably gonna take a while for them to get used to the idea. And their reactions will change over time.
Prioritize your own well being over their understanding. You don’t have to explain everything right away, if they don’t understand let them get up to date by giving the general information about trans issues. Try to communicate that it’s very scary to come out and that they’ll have to be gentle
It’s easy to say to near and dear ones “I use this name/pronouns now, but you can use my old”. We do this because we don’t want to lose the ones near to us by requiring them to make changes for us. And we also want them to refer to us by our right name and pronouns by their own will, not because we told them to. It’s increadibly affirming to have someone who has known you for a long time treat you in a gender affirming way. But they might never get to the point where they realize this. So if you want them to make changes for you, you have to communicate it.
As for how to go about it practically do what feels best for you. Saying it spontaniously, gathering the whole family and making a speach, writing a letter and then staying with a friend for a few days, text, over the phone, with a friend by your side, in public, in private, tomorrow, in a few years, when you live at home, when you don’t live at home, do what you feel comfortable with.
There is no rush, there is no shame in waiting. You can be out to friends, in school, at work and not at home. We do what we have to do to feel comfortable and be safe.
I hope this is something that helps you, and i hope you will reach a decision that works best for you.
Drop in anytime to ask more or update!
