I can’t decide what love is
I’ve gotten it from weird places
And given it to strange people
But I still don’t understand it.
alone at night with four clocks ticking above me and it’s midnight.
Somehow it’s still lighter outside than in here.
A lot of things are brighter than what’s in here.
Though I can’t decide how bright the inside of me is.
Some minutes throughout the day
I wish I was dead so badly that I smile at the thought of never having existed.
I look at the backward moving clock like it’s gonna give me answers
and wish I had never gone anywhere or done anything.
But then sometimes, like last night, I have dreams where it’s only me and you.
The sun in your smile sheds some light on my hopeless insides
but there are still things brighter than what’s inside here.
I think love is just to choose it.
To look at the flaws in something bright,
to see through the misunderstanding you created,
to share your shine back with the one who loves you.
I love the hopelessness that trapped me until you laughed so loud it got scared away.
I love the anxiety that kept me from leaving too soon, because I would’ve never seen you if you hadn’t picked my favorite bad guy to stand next to one day.
I love the dark clouds that follow me around because the warmth in your embrace convinces them to hold off a little while.
I’ll never know what love is.
But I love that I don’t have to.