About a “you”

I write about when it hurts the most and I write about when it finally stops. There is happy and there is sad, there is then and there is now. But in the end, it’s all because of, for and about a “you”. And, One day when you find this blog, you might finally realise that all my writings, poems and texts were about you, from start to finish line. -- j.h.j.h. (© 2016 - This blog and all its content is original work of authorship and is protected by the Copyright Law). Navigate:

[aboutayou]

When I am sad, you hold me wipe my tears tell me jokes. Some would have found the jokes annoying but that's just how you work. To me it is everything And not once have you failed to make me smile again.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

Finally, someone makes me write because I want to and not because I need to.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

I am in love. Again. Just wanted to put it out there. The falling in love again. It exists.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

Thank you

Hey lovelies! Just wanted to pop in and say thank you. Thank you thank you thank you! For following, for liking, for reblogging, for sending me messages. The fact that you actually like and relate to what I write is so cool. To publish your own writing like this obviously makes you vulnerable, but thanks to all of you I feel strong, like we're in this together. It's such a powerful feeling. Thank you! Talk soon. Xx j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

It did not have to come to this, you know! I am filled with this furiousness, this rage. And it is all your fault. It did not have to come to this!

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

I no longer know how to write. I don’t know how to put words together in clever, metaphorical ways. All I know is that I miss you. I just miss you.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

Mantra.

- j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

[aboutayou]

In a dream I saw your bloodshot eyes. Someone asked ‘are your eyes always that red?’ and someone, maybe it was you, maybe it was me, replied ‘yes’.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

You may not have been the first boy I ever claimed to be in love with, but you were the first boy I ever really loved.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

179 days. That’s how long it’s been. One hundred and seventy nine days. Five months and twenty seven days. 25 weeks. 4 318 hours. 259 108 minutes. 15 546 521 seconds. Fifteen million five hundred and forty six thousand five hundred and twenty one seconds.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

Something I wrote when we were still in love

“That is always my favourite part. Waking up together.”

A ray of sun has found its way through the curtain. It knocks on my eyelid. I try to move, my arm is stuck. It’s asleep. Carefully, I separate lashes smudged with mascara to realise it’s underneath him. I gently stroke his nose, cheek, lips with my other hand. He lets out a soft murmur. I pull my arm out and put my head on his chest. Nuzzling the crook of his neck, placing soft kisses all over it. The corners of his mouth curl into a smile, and when he opens his eyes and looks at me the smile is all over his face, all over him. I feel a flutter in my chest, he still makes me tingly just like that. We eat each other with our eyes until we can’t wait any longer and then we kiss each other, soft at first and then hard, hard. We chit-chat. We fall asleep. We wake up again. We make out. Maybe we fall asleep once more before we start searching the room for t-shirts and panties. No, wait, no, not just yet. I fall backwards back in bed with him on top of me. Giggles, make outs, cuddles. I think about how lucky I am to be the one that gets to wake up with him. It takes time, we let it take time. And it’s the best time of the whole day.

- j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

When I woke up today a memory crossed my mind. The T-shirt. The one you always let me sleep in. The ‘This is your T-shirt now’-T-shirt. The one that to me smelled like you and to you smelled like me. Did you wash it? Did you burn it?

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

And then an hour becomes a day and a day becomes a week and one morning you'll wake up and six months will have passed and you can finally breathe again.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

First came the shock. The realisation. The helplessness. The I-am-going-to-die. Then came the tears. The screaming. The shivering. The lying-in-bed-and-I-cannot-move. Third was the anger. The cursing. The blaming. The fuck-you-I-hate-your-guts. Later came the fear. The anxiety. The worrying. The my-heart-is-pounding-is-he-alright. Fifth was the forgiveness. The talking. The trying. The please-let-me-back-in. Now, the cold is here. The ignorance. The repressing. The I-swear-to-god-I-do-not-care-anymore.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

I won't say it wasn't meant to be, because it was. We were. Only for a short while, maybe. But we were.

j.h.j.h.

[aboutayou]

Your body is shaking from the exertion of keeping itself together. I can see it from afar, and I can’t help but wonder. What if you let it shatter? Would your Ice Age finally come to an end? Would flowers grow in the cracks of you again?

j.h.j.h.