[lavenderbud-deactivated20180916]

me when i get hauled off to prison for all you can eat buffet crimes

[purgatoryflatsent]

What am I being arrested for? Enjoying a succulent Chinese meal?

[thebestoftumbling]

[biwlw]

when freud said bisexuality is what happens when you dont fully develop a brain he was right and im proof

[monzterzack]

Freud is a lil bitch, my idiocy doesn’t have nothing to do with bisexuality and all to do with my own hubris

[everythingstarstuff]

[weonsinnombre-deactivated201906]

[koyla-deactivated181124-deactiv]

ever wanna raise an emotionally sound child just to flex on your parents ?

[suteknakht]

Me, sick and adding honey to every drink: please heal me I beg you bee juice

[snorlaxatives]

@ people who just leave their shopping carts around the parking lot instead of returning them to their designated return areas: who fuckin raised you

[gfwooyo]

i hate how reward systems never work for me like i can’t just say “if i finish this assignment i can have a cookie” bc my brain is like “…..or u could just have one right now” and i can’t argue with that logic

[truestoriesaboutme]

Self-imposed deadlines don’t work either because I know the guy who set them and he’s full of shit

[sodomymcscurvylegs]

Me to Me: …you don’t have to jerk off just cause you’re bored!

Me Back at Me:

[deathcarpets-deactivated2019042]

phone games blocking out your clock in the UI is like how casinos don’t have any windows send tweet

[oi0u98ygth-deactivated20260120]

uhh reblog this w your sign and wether or not your phone screen is cracked

[major-moved-deactivated20181030]

you ever take a shower just to flex on post malone

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[theholleywoodsigns]

Explains why I’m so fucking stupid

[wolfwars]

no, not like ‘stupid’ brain damage. your emotions become so stressful your brain starts getting a little numb to them. you start experiencing higher rates of apathy. you can also have further trouble with memory and problem-solving.

[muffintop-malachite-deactivated]

That Explains Why I’m So Fucking Stupid

[frawgs]

eats a peanut before i suck ur dick so my throat closes and creates a tighter grip

[campcrystallake1980-deactivated]

do you take constructive criticism on your posts?

[frawgs]

there is absolutely nothing to critique here

[afatlittledog]

me @ the demons that stand at the end of my bed:

it’s a lot warmer under the covers if you wanna come cuddle

[lmaonade]

my moms making fun of me bc i saw a spider in the kitchen and like jumped back and said “oh fuck a bastard” dude caught me off guard