Acacia Writing

Hi! My name is Viola. I'm a student writer, and I'm really excited for you to read some of my work!

[acaciawriting]

Welcome!

Welcome!

Hi everyone,

Hopefully you aren't depressed like me but if you are, just know that somewhere in the world, even if it doesn't seem like it, there are people that care about you, love you, and would be there for you, you just have to find them.

A little bit about me, I'm a student writer, I usually only post poems but I will sometimes post stories. I haven't previously taken requests, but if you have an idea that you'd like me to write a poem/story about, feel free to message me and I'll try my best. :)

Thanks for reading my blog. I hope you find what you're looking for here :)

[acaciawriting]

OW.

head ow.

mind isnt funcyioning likr at all

he;p pls

[acaciawriting]

Just logged on again tonight and um

i have no memory of posting this

All i remember from last night is that my head felt like it was gonna implode and i couldn't sleep

I also woke up this morning to a worried text from my friend on insta who i apparently just texted 'help. OW help' to at 2 am.

Only keeping this post up cause i think its funny but also wtf did i get possessed

[acaciawriting]

OW.

head ow.

mind isnt funcyioning likr at all

he;p pls

[acaciawriting]

you know i can tell when you don't actually care right...

like its pretty damn obvious

i dont even mind that you dont care im fine with that

just dont lie

[acaciawriting]

so im just kinda accepting now that i'll never be able to wear short sleeves again

if you'd asked me last year id probably have said maybe if it heals but regardless now i can't

I've come to terms with it i guess

yeah

who even cares

fuck short sleeves anyway

[theresidenteccentric-deactivate]

Major Update, Part Two.

After careful consideration, I have decided that I will be deleting my Tumblr and creating a new one tonight. This will be a blank blog that I will start adding to in September, when I return to school and am away from home. I am feeling gradually more unsafe at home, and given my parents' lack of respect for my privacy and tendencies to abuse me, I want to first and foremost keep myself safe from harm at home.

My accounts, including @theresidenteccentric-writes and my alt @hartmann-halzion will be deleted. My works on @hartmann-halzion are available on AO3 (my account there is ThatBoyYouForgotAbout, but one of my pseuds is hartmann-halzion). My writings on @theresidenteccentric-writes will no longer exist. I may repost them on my new blog, or open a writing account the way I did on this blog.

Tagging my moots so you know what's about to happen.

@dolltistic @pitt-iful @acaciawriting @peculiardragon22 @catfatrat @shadow-jester-of-deceit @bonusek @shadestar413 @zephyrusz @angelz-howl

I'm going to likely follow you all back under a different name shortly.

I'm really sorry everyone.

I'll see you soon.

[acaciawriting]

love you Ren ❤️

[acaciawriting]

I'm sorry i haven't really been posting on here anymore, i don't really trust myself to do this anymore but i will post occasionally

lotta stuffs been happening

i miss yall

even people i still know i miss what we used to have

is that weird?

anyways ill stop but i love you guys

hope i'll see you again sometime

[acaciawriting]

how are we all so casual abt all this... im still stuck in how scared i was 3 months ago with all of this and yall out here just acting as if nothing happened

i mean i get it like been very casual about very non casual things but idk

this just feels wrong

[acaciawriting]

god i missed the rain

[acaciawriting]

so... they didn't totally believe me but they also didn't get what it was actually from so....? yay i guess

[acaciawriting]

shit.

my parents found my sh scars i told them it was from swimming god i am stupid

[acaciawriting]

im sorry everyone,

i owe a lot of you an explanation, especially the people i've been cutting off or hurting recently and i am so sorry for that

i swear i am not trying to hurt anyone and i am so sorry if i have

and none of you did anything wrong, its my fault

i'm in a pretty bad place right now and i don't want to risk hurting anyone or bothering anyone just because i have shit i'm too weak to deal with on my own i don't wanna drop anything on you guys.

i want to keep this short, but don't worry about me okay? i'm sorry i can't be with you right now, im sorry i can't be there for you right now and i really hope you have someone else who you can talk to

i'm fine, please dont waste your time worrying about me okay? i love you all, and i am so so so sorry for anything i've done to hurt any of you

i'm sorry

~V

[acaciawriting]

Can you just speak to me like im another human and not a puppet please?

Im not asking much just talk to me like im worth something

Im not you.

What may have worked for you doesn't work for me.

We live different lives

Have different struggles

Have different ways of coping

I am not your fucking puppet.

[acaciawriting]

What Do You Do?

What do you do when your entire life turns upside down in a moment?

What do you do when you give your heart to someone who was supposed to love you, and they return it in shattered pieces?

What do you do when you give everything just to help someone, knowing they wouldn’t do the same even if there weren’t a cost?

What do you do when you’re called “overly emotional” and “dramatic” because you have basic emotions?

What do you do when you want desperately to give up, leave it all behind and just disappear, but you can’t bring yourself to do it?

What do you do when you blame yourself for being too weak to listen to everyone telling you to end it all?

What do you do when the amount of times you’re told yu should end it all is greater than the amount of times you’ve been told that you matter?

I know what you do.

You smile.

[acaciawriting]

Why Cant You See??

Why cant you see than im hurting?

Why cant you listen?

You say I don’t talk enough

But when I talk you call me too emotional and a liar.

You say I make it all up.

Depression, anxiety, fear.

That its something that I can just stop, that its all just in my head.

Maybe it is.

I mean, that’s all it is right?

Emotions.

Just something to be hidden away.

So I do.

I try to hide everything.

Channel it all into an invisible jar.

But what do I do when it begins to crack?

When adding one more problem causes it to smash?

Then will this perfect charade of yours will be broken?

Will you accept it as part of me?

Well it happened.

And I almost thought for a moment that you were going to change.

Instead you call me a liar.

Claim that i made it all up.

Like I wanted to be this way.

Okay.

If that’s all I mean to you.

Okay.

[acaciawriting]

Scared of Myself.

Lots of people are scared of talking to each other. Me? Im scared of myself more than anyone else.

Scared that I am the problem.

I tell myself that im making it all up.

Say that im fine.

Because that’s what everyone else thinks.

And that must be true right?

If everyone else thinks it.

Scared that people are using me.

Also scared that im using other people.

That I don’t care about them.

That im only using them because I cant make friends normally.

That im just using them to vent.

I try to avoid it.

Try to keep it all in, But it occasionally spills out.

They say im manipulative.

Am I?

Scared that im not helping them enough.

Im trying to help them.

Trying to listen.

Trying to make them feel better.

But is it helping at all?

Is it actually making them feel better?

Do they hate me?

Because I pretend it helps me.

Maybe they’re lying too.

Scared that im useless.

That im doing this for attention.

Because im not good enough for someone to care in real time.

I write and write wondering if im making at all up.

Wondering if im weak for not being able to keep it in.

And maybe I am.

[acaciawriting]

Sun vs Moon

I couldn't format this properly in tumblr, so i screenshotted it instead until i figure out how to do it so :)

Bear with me here lol