the dead speak. in dina’s dreams, she hears her voice. soft, and crooning: asking her to dance, or calling her back to bed. a thousand times she’d heard ellie say her name, each more sweetly than the last. now, it slices her like glass. the kind of cut that stings, long after it heals. dina didn’t dwell on right and wrong, all that often. in her experience, the majority fell amongst shades of grey rather than black and white. but fair and unfair? that, she lamented. and what happened to ellie? it wasn’t fair. what happened to them. after all they had been through together, didn’t they deserve more? didn’t they deserve a soft epilogue, after all this time? but no. even that was stolen from them. grief is a lonely woman.
she looks like a ghost. like a thing ready to be put in the ground. half dead, half feral. dina could swear she felt her own heart stop beating. died alongside ellie, right then and there. through the earth they would crawl home to one another. she feels her knees threaten to buckle, her head start to spin. dina leans herself on the doorframe, an attempt not to crash through the floor. or crash on top of ellie, like she so desperately wants to. her skin aches: begs, screams, to hold her. but the fear is already climbing up her throat. what if she shatters like glass? what if she disappears in a puff of smoke? either seemed more likely, than the truth. she was back. not home, but here. alive. dina feels winded and free all at once. oh, how she’d begged for this moment. calls to the heavens for so long gone unanswered. promises to her son, that his mother would come home. some day, some how. relief was a hot, bright white. but still, dina stung. solace mingled with resentment, the ragged voice that lived inside her skull screaming on repeat: how could you?
dina’s expression remained stiff. her frame too, kept rigid. otherwise, she fears she might collapse. better turned to stone than water. but some things can’t be helped: dark brown eyes fill with tears. it requires effort, to unclench her jaw. “ — so you’re back? ” it’s a question, not an observation. dina still needs to make sure. her brain often played cruel tricks, but this one would surely take the cake. a single tear hit her cheek, one she didn’t brush away. her tone a stark contrast to her tears: cold, harsh. “ how long for, this time? ” pain turns to fury on her tongue. it’s not a yell, but it scolds like one anyway. dina doesn’t close the door behind her, remaining in the frame: mind unmade as to whether or not she’ll run. it would’ve been easier. less cruel to them both. but it also would’ve been impossible.
𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠.
her heart had been shattered long before this moment in time. her heart had been broken into a million little pieces destroyed by a golf club. the player never able to make the hole repeatedly hitting again and again to make the shot. maybe she had deserved the life she was given. she had done so much evil in her life that no good could repair the damage done. maybe the last swing of the golf club was done by herself. smashing up the already fragmented pieces of her soul when she chose revenge over family. no duct tape was able to mend the damages done. ellie was a shell — empty and obliterated by her own choices. and she deserved it.
her mind was plagued by demons. they ripped everything away from her and she could hear their delighted laughs as the torment went on. dina was in her nightmares . . . well — the only angel in her nightmares. even in the hardest nights, the auburn haired girl would let her mind wander back to the one with brown eyes and freckled skin. she who had gentle touches and words of prayer. she wondered if dina ever prayed for her. she didn’t deserve it. she knew life would be better for her if she was gone.
𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫.
her chest was tight as she tried to make sense of what reality was. she didn’t deserve to be taken care of like this, nor to see dina. truthfully, she thought that night in the farm would be the last she would see of the woman. even if ellie were to love her for the rest of life in seldom. ellie couldn’t ever love another like she. her lips were parted and throat was dry. damn, she felt like an idiot gaping at dina with only one word to leave her lips. her chest throbs with pain at the sound of dina’s voice. it was different. it sounded like she was in pain and ellie knew the pain was coming from the fact ellie was back here : a place where once upon a time she could have called home. the tear that falls from her cheek forces ellie to clamp down her jaw and close her hands into fists underneath the sheer covers on the bed. all she wanted was to reach her hands out and wipe the tears away ; kiss them away. she wanted to lay in bed and hold her until she cooed her to sleep while jj slept in the crib next to them. but what could a shell of a broken person do to someone who needed — deserved so much more.
her eyes flicker back to meet dina’s, her glossy orbs threatening to spill their own tears. her voice breaking the silence once again — destroying whatever confidence she had left with her soulmate. a pained gasp leaves her lips as if she was holding her breath. she wanted this not to be real. she wanted to wake up and for everything to be back to normal. to be able to come home to welcoming arms, not what nightmare that was her life. she knew it wasn’t possible, and that the idea of her baby ever forgiving her was slim.
❝ i . . . ❞ her breathing slowing, attempting to think out her words before more words like kryptonite caused ellie to lose her composure. she couldn’t let dina see her like this. not like this. ❝ i’m staying, dina. i don’t plan on — i won’t leave. ❞ her voice firm, almost adding a soft 【 ❛ but i will if you want me too ❜ 】. almost like giving up. she attempts to sit up; a whimper escaping her lips as her hands go to wipe her eyes. showing weakness. ❝ i told you i wasn’t going to die. i’m here… i-i promised you i would come home. ❞ any attempt of hiding her emotions going down the drain as eyes fill to the brim with tears. a few finding home in sliding down her cheeks ; quickly being rubbed off by scarred hands. fingers missing.
snowghoul
areudirty
ellievsbear
prguitarman
turnnoffyourmind
