When I need help I ask for it. So kiddos, I need help. Lots of it and I am asking YOU! Please read this, share it, spread the word to end the word, whatever you can do! It took a lot for me to even think about putting this out there but it's definitely a story worth telling, hope it's one worth you reading. Thank you!!!
Because Fantasy Con with Simon Pegg was every sort of wonderful. I baked him cookies and he had them for lunch. We dressed as the Trilogy and he loved it! He was entirely too kind and smelled amazing. ;)
From @PatoVanessa: āThese pictures are of Norman finally meeting Reedus Bear that Jen (@adeline_sky) made! I got him to sign his boots for Jen, one of them says āthanks Jenā and the other is his signature. The last five pictures were taken by @kristalstittle, she snapped his reaction from a different point of view!ā I love Reedus bear so much and Iām so happy that Norman finally got to see @adeline_skyās amazing job! I mean, he even has the Christmas sweater (I call it the Portland sweater because he first wore it Saturday night in Portland at Cinemagic Theater).
So, when Norman canceled on Texas Frightmare I was absolutely devastated. Not to say I wasn't still excited for all the other greatness that would be there, but I'm a Reedus fangirl, what can I say. Anyway, I started thinking that there might be others who were just as heartbroken as I...so I had an idea. I want any who came for a Reedus to still get one this weekend! Come pose/kiss/hug Reedus Bear & get a Reedus charm I made for your broken heart. I'm not charging, just come find me and post photos with hashtag #ReedusBear. I'd love for him to see what I made since he couldn't in person. I'll be at the con from noon until forever today, dressed as Shaun of the Dead. :) Name is Jen, and hugs are always free! Spread the word. Hope to see you!!! xoxo
Itās been weeks since I had a decent nightās sleep, having tried various remedies to resolve the issue Iām hoping that finally getting around to putting my thoughts down will aid in the process. Ā Bare with me.
Our recent trip to Portland for Wizard World comic con was nothing short of amazing. Saying it was perfect hardly does it justice, mostly because even when things did go wrong it ended up paving the way for something better. Fast forward for a moment to the last day we were there. Three of us were left, and as we zipped up the rest of our belongings into our luggage we reflected on just how perfect everything ended up working outā¦and it terrified us. Upon the realization and further discussion we concluded we were being prepped for something. We were either given the best weekend of our lives because it was our last or we lived it up because a storm was coming.
Itās hard on us being right all the timeā¦
Since I have been home Iāve spent more time in a hospital than I ever have in my entire life, and been more exhausted than I thought I had the strength to withstand. Helpless to the circumstances and more specifically to the bedside chair, I found a lot of time to think. After playing out worse case scenarios and daydreaming about my own bed at home, I began to reflect a lot on where I am in life. Where Iāve been vs. where I thought I would go. And how one variable can change everything.Ā
Rewind to one short year ago, I was absolutely miserable. My best friend of ten years was living in Japan, I had no social life and as always winter had not been kind to my feeble soul. I remember one specific Sunday my brother made his usual trip down from a neighboring city for dinner and our weekly episode of The Walking Dead. That night Daryl put a bullet in Dales head, and I ended up telling Facebook that if a ZA indeed ended up happening I wanted to be on Daryls teamā¦.the first response I received was from a girl who I honestly had the hardest time remembering if her name was actually Daisy or notā¦
One year later and the man that brought my KFF & I together also became responsible for the foundation of many other precious relationships and memories I wouldnāt trade for anything this world could provide.
Most recently an item and experience that I have clung to over the past few weeks is the tale of the two bizarre bracelets that I picked up in a bead shop just south of Seattle on my way to Portland. A string of colorful small skulls that I thought would at least catch some attention, and if anything be fun to share. A few days later, and seconds before stepping in front of Reedus for my turn to say āhiā I reluctantly swallowed the fear that would prohibit me from giving him a bracelet and pulled both out of my pocket. After presenting them I began rambling on about how they looked weird enough for him to enjoyā¦ at which point he grabbed my hand, I immediately shut up, and he asked if I knew what the bracelets meant. My thoughts were going a thousand miles an hour and I panicked at what I might have just given him. His entire demeanor seemed to change. His voice became quiet and in words strung together more eloquently than I could put to paper, he told me a story about his father.
Each skull on the bracelet represents an ancestor that has passed on; the purpose of the bracelet is to help you find them when you die so youāre not wandering the afterlife alone. He proceeded to tell me that when his father was sick he gave him a bracelet ājust like this one, and he wore it when he diedā. He grabbed my hands and in what I can only describe as gut wrenching sincerity he pulled me a little closer and thanked me for bringing back such an important memory.
As unworthy as I feel having been allowed that story, I canāt emphasize enough how grateful I am for it. The days at the hospital have been long and exhausting; the nights at home are stressful and sleepless. The decisions Iāve had to make, the things Iāve had to be there for have just all felt beyond what I think I am mature enough to handle. On a particularly difficult evening I remember threading my bracelet through my fingers, thinking about that all too beautiful experience Norman shared with me, and I came to a conclusion. Now here is where it gets really cheesy boys and girls, but right now in life, on my worst day I feel more love and support than I did one year ago on any number of good days. I attribute a lot of that to this fandom. I consider so many of you my dearest friends and I canāt even think of where Iād be without Britt. Iāve been able to have such wonderful experiences and Iām not ashamed to say I am living a better life because of this fandom. We lift each other up, we get excited for one another, we stand up for each other and all around just genuinely care about one another. Not to mention the beautiful examples of humanity that Norman and Sean are to us. All the time they take out, the way they put themselves out there to make real connections, itās mind blowing. I will never be the same, and I will forever be in debt to these seemingly (to the average joe) ātrivialā platforms that have made enjoying this past year possible for me.
I have no grasp on what could happen in the next few days or weeks, but I do have a firm grip on what I know will be getting me through them. Warm memories, kind words and support from loved ones and a colorfully beaded bracelet that once helped in a manās life who has paved the way for innumerable blessings in mine.
When I was younger I used to follow my older brother around everywhere. Ā Always wanting to play with him and his friends I often did whatever it took to get the chance; meaning blowing up Barbieās, using their cars as response vehicles for his action figures in battle, watching scary moviesā¦ anything. So it really shouldnāt be a surprise that I grew up on Nintendo games, Marvel comics, action movies, all things zombie & alien cultured, rock music and Star Wars. It was all well and good because so far in life he was the only one in my world that I wanted to fit in with.
I learned young that I wasnāt like most girls my age. Though I had the affinity for pink flowers and dresses, I also wanted to wear them while wielding a light saber and igniting my Barbie jeep on fire. I had friends but mostly kept to myself, spending a lot of time in my room doing crafts or tagging along with my brother and his friends. I donāt remember this being an issue until I got a bit older and my parents split. I moved a few states away with my mom and my brother stayed with my dad. Suddenly my support system for all the things I grew to love was far away, I was in a different school with different kids, and in a completely different environment. The area we had moved to was a lot tougher than what I was used to. The halls were flooded with fights and security guards, and most of the kids I swear just woke up every morning looking for trouble. There was no one I felt like I could relate to. So I dove deeper into the things that interested me. Continued being crafty and kept up with all things that made me a ānerdā in the eyes of my peers. As with most stories about middle school & high school it wasnāt easy. I was bullied by kids as they often reprimanded me for the things I would; such as wait in line all night for Star Wars Episode I, and yet I wouldnāt get wasted and sleep with them. And so it went until the last couple of years in high school when I moved back across the states with my dad. Things got a lot easier at that point. I met a friend, someone who shared the same love of nerd culture. It was all about Lord of the Rings for us. Though the āhatersā were still at large, it was easier with someone by my side.
I am now in my mid 20ās, looking back on the interests Iāve had; with all the things Iāve āfangirledā about all these years I canāt see a time when I hadnāt had to defend them. Until nowā¦
Before I go on I must make it very clear that I am nearly EXPLAINING why I feel the way that I do. I harbor no ill will to recent changes in our culture, and I sure as heck am not being judgmental towards those who are new to this bandwagon.
So here it goes.
I couldnāt have been older than 8. A neighborhood girl came over and she had brought a Barbie to play with, so I went and grabbed something too. To her absolute disgust I had in my hand a Spider-Man action figure. āYou canāt play with that. Thatās a stupid boyās toy!ā I feel like that statement set the tone for the rest of my life. Just a bunch of people who think they have the right to make me feel like what I like is stupid and/or not meant for me.
I spent years alone in my room as a kid reading comics, pretending I was on Tatooine, putting together costumes, talking about hunting ghosts, listening to music that was before my time. And when I wasnāt there I was out in the world filled with people who didnāt understand. I went to great lengths to defend the things I loved. Often resulting in a much harsher backlash had I just kept quiet. My āweirdnessā ultimately led to my extremely introverted tendencies and crappy self esteem that I sport now. With that said, it has come by a pretty quick surprise that in recent years ānerd cultureā has become so popular. Everything I was basically stomped in the mud for is everything people are wanting more of. Which is great, thereās a reason why I love a lot of those things and Iād be silly to doubt it now.
However here is my point, it irks me a little.
All of a sudden something like The Big Bang Theory has made being a ānerdā into not only an acceptable lifestyle but almost an iconic one. Now itās ok that I grew up idolizing Mary Jane and that my favorite toy was an Egon Spengler action figure. Itās strange; Iāve spent the majority of my life not fitting in and being ostracized for the things people love so much now. I would never go as far to say to anyone that they have no place in enjoying something, but I do have a difficult time with the fact that it comes so easy now. Iāve been teased by friends recently that I just need to get used to āsharingā these things and that I do not have ownership over them. Though it is true, I will also argue that I may not own the rights to anything thatās being franchised; I have a different āownershipā to it. Having had it before it was ācoolā, and the loyalty of not backing down while being shoved in mud for itā¦ paying my dues. Ā
I understand that this all sounds extremely douchey but Iām hoping that it sheds some light, most specifically on why I react sometimes the way that I do. Bottom line Iām just not used to being accepted in anything really, or in the know about things that interest the majority of the population. Iām still extremely self conscious and sometimes just need a break. Please have patience. Iām not mad, or upset, Iām just an introverted nerd whoās still trying to get used to being ācoolā. ;)
...and the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day. I notoriously HATE Christmas and my Dad has been nothing but tolerant for years about it. We never put up a tree and if we exchange presents they aren't wrapped. I know I'm kind of a jerk, but I have my reasons. This year however he's really been trying hard to suppress the Christmas spirit, so I had an idea, one thing he & I absolutely love....The Walking Dead. Against every thing I believe I bought all the supplies and put this together. Isn't your standard Christmas tree, but we aren't one for paying attention to norms. :) I love my dad and he really does so much to let me be who I am. I hope this puts a tiny dent in the debt I am to him. Now I'm just waiting for him to come home.... Happy Christmas guys.
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