Something I’ve noticed in BPD spaces is that a lot of us seem to struggle with the difference between accountability and self-condemnation.
When someone without BPD snaps at someone they love, I often see them go, “That wasn’t fair. I’ll apologize and do better next time.” And everyone moves on and assumes it was a bad day or moment. And we often hear "Oh, that's human to not be perfect."
But I see a lot of us with BPD have a moment and immediately spiral into, “Oh god. This proves I’m manipulative. This proves I’m toxic. This proves I’m my diagnosis.”
And obviously hurting people isn’t okay. Accountability matters. We should aim to not do that, but the reality is no one is perfect.
But I sometimes wonder if because so many of us have been told to watch ourselves so carefully, we end up expecting ourselves not just to improve but to never have moments at all. We expect ourselves to be perfect without ever slipping despite the fact people without BPD slip up all the time.
Recovery for me isn't about never making mistakes. It taught me to make them less, notice them earlier, repair more often and not turn every bad moment into proof I’m a bad person.
