#lifewithgrandpa

Right after college I moved across the country to live with my grandpa and find work in my favorite city. For the past few years, I've been saving up some of the best moments I've had with my grandpa. Most of them are funny and silly, but not all. It's...

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Grandpa, walking out of the bathroom: How brave are you?

Me: Ummm, why?

G: I was thinking of making beef tongue for dinner one night.

Me: Oh thank god.

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Me: Ok I’m heading out to Jazzercise. Grandpa: You ready to come home and moan about how sore you are? Me: First of all...

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Earlier I called grandpa to remind him that I would be eating dinner out. When I got home we spooked each other because the lights were all off and he was rolling into the living room to turn them on for me right as I walked in through the door. Before I was all the way into the living room he asked if I was hungry. M:"No, I just ate." G: "Ok, well there's fried rice with ham and green onions. I left the hard boiled egg on top if you wanted to eat it." Me: "Thank you but I'm full, I just ate."

We walk into the kitchen:

G: *points to bowl in counter* "See, its there you can just put it in the microwave, or there are left overs from last night." Me: *sigh* "Ok, thank you."

And we thought Grandmas were supposed to be the food pushers...

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Today I got home and was sitting. At the table with Grandpa, drinking a giant glass of water to hydrate before working out and Grandpa tells me: G: There’s some bubbly water...

I scrunch my face and shake my head.

G: and ginger ale.

Me: Oh ok. I’m good right now.

Then I go to check my emails on my phone and I’m reading through some.

G: There’s also some honey whisky.

There’s a pause while my brain is trying to process what he said after I finished reading an email.

Me: Whisky? Oh. Thanks.

G: I was worried for a second cause it didn’t get a reaction out of you. I thought, “Something’s not right with this girl!”

I almost failed that test 😂

[adventureswithgrandpa]

While watching a news segment on shopping online while drunk:

Grandpa: Seriously, this is news?! Me: It’s better than listening to Trump. G: *Laughs* Yeah, can’t argue with that. He’s such an idiot...

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Me, passing Grandpa in the kitchen with quilting materials in my hand: I’m gonna try something new!

G: “I’m going to try something new too and you’re gonna have to eat it.”

Me: *laughs nervously* oh... ok.

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Today in, Things I have said to Grandpa:

“Are you using the main kitchen knife to open letters? Can I have it back so I can slice bread?”

He has two letter openers...

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Grandpa was heading out the door with his caretaker but he had one important question for me: G: Who is an anarchists? Me: Um, like, do you want names or the definition of an anarchist? G: What do they stand for, are they this "All white" group? Me: No, that's "ALT-RIGHT" Like far, far right on the political spectrum. We're more to the left. G: I'm more of a democrat. Me: Yeah, so more left G: Ok. So I'm not "all white" Me: ALT-RIGHT, like "alternative right" it's basically a new term for white supremacists, which you are not. G: Oh ok. I was just really confused. But, I'm not an Anarchist. Me: No... nor are you Alt-right.

He is all white though. Ancestry proved that.

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Every time I come home, I look into the window to gage what Im about to walk in on. Some days the window is empty, sometimes I see Grandpa reading, or "catching flies", his head back, mouth wide open, snoring. And some days, like today he's resting his head in his hand. When you're 89 and living with chronic pain it's hard to know what each day will bring. Today, luckily, was "pretty good." Yesterday it was "Ok, Barry died this morning." And more often than not it's, "Eh, I hurt." As funny as I make my life seem with grandpa, it's not always laughs, but like Grandpa says, "Getting old's a bitch but at least I'm still here."

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Note to self: Don’t watch award shows with Grandpa.

Yes, she is good looking. Yes. I see how low her neckline is... and yes, it’s the style. Her’s too. No, they’re not wearing all black in solidarity with Colin Kaepernick.

[adventureswithgrandpa]

I have to remind myself not to get my hopes up when Grandpa says “I’ll be home late.” Because 3pm is late for him and I do not, in fact, get any alone time in this house. Ever.

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Grandpa, at dinner: Did they have stuff going on the (cruise) boat during the evenings? Me: Yeah! *lists all the things* G: Huh. Interesting. Anyone fish off the boat? Me: Ummm no. That was not an option...

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Me: *places grandpa’s shot glass of medicine in front of him.* G: Oh no, I don’t think I want another one. Me: What? G: Oh *laughs* I thought that was a cookie. Me: Sadly, no.

[adventureswithgrandpa]

I’m in the kitchen making a sandwich and Grandpa walks in the garage door with a bottle in a brown bag. G: They don’t carry my booze! Me: Why? G: The government stopped them! It’s too strong. Me: Really? G: 150 Proof Me: Oh, you’re talking about Everclear G: Yeah, but I found this 100 proof Vodka.

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Grandpa: I was thinking that maybe we should start leaving our bedroom doors open in case I have an emergency at night.

Me: *thinks back to last night and how I locked my bedroom door for the first time in years because I watched a documentary on a serial killer and scared myself*

Yeah, his fear is probably more valid than mine.

[adventureswithgrandpa]

Grandpa might be the most frustrating person I know. There’s a possibility that he has the flu (test results tomorrow) and he almost left the house because “Walgreens has a deal on coffee I can’t pass up.”

JUST SIT DOWN AND TAKE A FREAKING NAP

[adventureswithgrandpa]

I don’t mean to be dramatic but, if I have to listen to Grandpa and mainsqueeze Helen argue about whether or not Grandpa has ever tried grape jelly in his life any longer, I may cry. Darn you person who created speaker phone, darn you!