Random insights to my thinking, favourite art & inspiration, Jensen Ackles, Jason Momoa, and a slight Chris Evans Obsession atm Marvel Movies, DC Tv shows, Game of Thrones, random things that take my fancy :)
Sick sick sick of possibility of being fucking recorded every waking second by tiktok obsessed quasi celebs. Video titled something like "Caught him thinking he's the main character" but it was just a kid wearing headphones, looking out the bus window. Of course it was posted without his knowledge. Stop recording strangers and everything you see, nobody gives a shit and not everyone is happy to be on tiktok or youtube because of a moron with no braincells and an account. What could be a forgettable awkward moment is now permanently there for the victim of lackabrainis infested idiot to get anxious about forever.
A/N: I’m in pain and I’m currently rocking the Van Gogh chic-look but I can’t leave all y’all hanging on a cliffhanger – that’s just rude. Luckily, my ear isn’t affecting my fingers, so I guess it all good, as long as I take breaks in between. Anyhoo, here’s the (almost) last chapter, the CANON ending.
You are getting the alternative ending soon as well, plus a few drabbles.
Feedback feeds the soul, my loves, and requests are always open!
MASTERLIST
SERIES MASTERLIST
ASK ME ANYTHING/REQUESTS
Pairing: Henry Cavill x reader
Warnings: Angst, fluff, language
Wordcount: 2.224
Previous chapter
Final chapter: Please don’t say you love me
You opened the door slowly, almost in a daze, and the cold air hit you at the same time as his cologne permeated your senses. Kal barked once and wagged his tail before running to you; you squatted with a smile and hugged the bear, who whined and nuzzled his snout against your arm.
“Missed you too, buddy.” You whispered into his fur. You slowly let the dog go, who bounded inside and found your couch, laying down and made himself verycomfortable. He almost took up your entire couch.
You looked at Henry, who looked just as horrible as he did on the morning segment. His eyes were sunken in, darkened and the circles under his eyes seemed to be even worse. There was none of the light in his eyes, he usually had, and his chin and cheeks were covered in scruff, like he didn’t have the energy to shave.
“Hi.” You whispered.
“Hi.” He whispered back in a broken voice.
“Uhm… Come on in.” you said, opening the door fully and allowing him inside. He nodded and followed you inside, his eyes flickering around your apartment. He smiled at you, a weird, strained, and worrisome smile.
“It’s very much you.” He said and looked around.
“Hmm?” You didn’t listen to him, focused on grabbing a glass and a bottle of wine. “Want some?” He nodded and you poured two glasses of red wine, gulping down half of your glass quickly.
“What are you doing here?” You asked after a few minutes of silence. He looked at you with saddened eyes.
“I needed…” He started but stopped himself. His large fingers fiddled with the stem of the glass, and he sighed. “I don’t know.” You nodded and took another sip of your wine.
It felt weird, tight, and estranged. He wasn’t the man you knew, not right here, right now. He was a shell of what you remembered. His eyes darted around, taking in the small apartment and a smile toyed on his lips as he saw your bookshelf that was overflowing.
“Henry…”
“I remember.” He cut you off. His eyes found yours. “I remember everything. I…” He took a sip of his wine and placed it back down on the kitchen counter.
“I remember everything you’ve ever told me.”
“It doesn’t’…”
“No, please, let me… Just let me say it.” He sounded desperate.
“I do know you.” He said quietly. “You hate pineapple on pizza, unless there’s olives on it, but you would never eat olives raw. Your mum’s name is Y/M/N and your dad’s name is Y/D/N. You hate sleeping on your back.” He drew a deep breath. “Your favorite color changes from month to month, sometimes from sunlight to cloudy days. You like coffee with hazelnut creamer but hate hazelnuts normally.” He found your eyes again, the desperation in his voice seeping in.
“I know you hold your right elbow when you’re nervous, you blink twice, quickly, when you feel too cold. You would never say it, but you hate happy endings in books, preferring open endings or the tough ones. You sniffle at night. You would rather have rain than cold.”
His voice was wavering, and you felt the tears threatening to spill.
“You never asked, always knew. You held my hand and rubbed the back of it with your thumb when I was nervous, even when I didn’t know I was nervous.” He smiled tentatively. “You like the ocean, not the pool. I know how you feel when you sigh, because I can hear if it’s sad, happy, or angry.”
“Henry…”
“I know you. I know that for everything I know, there’s something I don’t. I… I hate that you left. I understand why, but I can’t… I can’t live with it. I can’t live knowing I didn’t fight for it. For you. I thought this…” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “That this was infatuation, lust, something close to a symbiotic relationship that happened because we were so close all the time, but I’ve realized that I was wrong. I was wrong to let you walk, I was wrong to believe whatever lies I told myself.” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat, his fingers flexing.
“I won’t expect you to feel the same or even think about me…” He stopped talking as he finally saw you. In his shirt.
“I saw you on a talkshow earlier.” You whispered. “I almost called you.”
“Why?” His voice was hopeful and broken all at once.
“I don’t know. To yell at you. Tell you to take care of yourself.” You smiled at him, your face feeling stiff and awkward. “You looked… Well, like shit.”
“I feel it.” He said with a small, hopeful smile. “I would have liked it. You calling.” You nodded.
“I didn’t… I wanted you to go live your life, Henry.”
“How could I without you in it?” he insisted. You closed your eyes, a little part of you breaking off at his words. This wasn’t what or how you’d wanted it to be.
“Henry…” you sighed. “This… You know we’d never work.” You found his eyes and tried to convey your emotions through them, the absolute turmoil in you. “We’re from two different worlds.”
“Why can’t the two coexist?” he asked.
“How could they?” You sat down in front of him. His fingers flexed, as if he wanted to take your hand. “I’m nothing but a simple girl. I have a simple life, a bookstore to run, debt… A normal, down to earth kind of life. I don’t belong in the world, you have. You exist on a different plane, Henry. I won’t expect you to come to mine, as well as I hope you’d never expect me to leave mine.”
“I’d leave everything behind for you, Y/N. Everything. I’d leave this career, work in a shop… Not work. Anything for you. To have just a glimpse of your smile in my life every day.” He said, his hand sliding closer to yours.
“Do you even know what you’re asking me?” You inquired. “You’re here, after a month of trying to forget, trying to move on from you. You’re… Asking me for something, I don’t know if I can give you.”
“I love you.” His voice was strong and his eyes insistent as they bored into yours. “I love you with every fiber, everything in my very being. You have somehow found your way into my DNA and wrapped yourself around it. It’s madness, really.” He smiled softly. “But there’s madness in love. And there’s reason in madness.”
“Henry, I can’t…” You started but stopped again. You couldn’t what? Love him? You already did, despite your efforts to not. Can’t see him? You did, even with closed eyes. Let yourself feel the way, you were? You couldn’t hide behind reason anymore, because there wasn’t reason – reason was not to hide away, try to forget the unforgettable, but simply to live with it.
“Please…” His voice was soft. It sounded like the breath of spring, full of hope and warmth.
“If we must part forever, please, give me but one kind word to think upon and to please myself with, while my heart is breaking.” He finally said. You sucked in a sharp breath.
“I want nothing more than for you to be happy in life. It’s all I would ever want; all I can ever want. Even if that means I’m not in your life.” He almost breathed the words, as if they made something in him break. His warm hand found yours and rested on top of it, his fingers wrapping around yours as his eyes bored into yours.
“I’m not expecting a yes or a no, not even a maybe. I know I hurt you. I know I should, rationally, let you go and live your life without me in it, so you can have some semblance of normality, but I am but a selfish man, Y/N. I couldn’t let you go on without letting you know how I felt.” He held you tightly.
“If I let you go on, have a life with someone else… I wouldn’t want… I couldn’t do that. Not without telling you the truth.”
“Henry, you are not a selfish man.” You whispered. “I wanted to… Forget, I suppose.” You breathed deeply.
“It’s not possible to forget. You, how it was… For some time, I tried to convince myself that you were acting, lying, even, for the time we spent together. I couldn’t. Something…” you sighed and looked into his eyes. You were swimming in blue.
“I never intended for you to feel bad. It was my decision, one I thought would benefit both of us. I wanted you to live a life, you knew. With someone who knew it as well.” You said in a small voice.
“The thought of you being with someone else nearly tore me apart.” He closed his eyes and his chin wobbled for a fraction of a second. You continued.
“I wanted you to have the life you deserved, Henry.”
“And I didn’t deserve a life with you in it?” He asked. You didn’t know what to answer. Yes, no, maybe. So you didn’t answer, simply letting the question hang in the air. You looked at him with curiosity.
Did he not think he’d be better off with someone who knew his life? Knew how all of this worked? Were you not just someone who had crossed his path, like the infinite number of stars that crossed the night sky?
“I’m not here to try and justify myself. Or ask anything of you. I just wanted you to know what I… Am. How I feel. Whatever weight that might hold to you.” He whispered. “I won’t ever ask anything from you, won’t ever insist on anything. I can’t say I won’t hurt you again because I might. I’m but a human, Y/N, and to human is to err.”
“I’m not expecting anything from you, Henry.” You answered.
“No more than you expect anything from me.” You sighed and stood up; your hand still placed on the kitchen counter with his over it; you moved to stand in front of him.
“But I don’t know how this would work. We come from such different planes of reality.” You smiled sorrowfully at him, your free hand moving hesitantly, almost as if it had a mind of its own, to rest on his cheek. He leaned into it with closed eyes, his face falling into absolute despair at the touch.
“Y/N…” Your name was a whispered prayer of a dying man.
“Henry…” Your voice was as soft as rain drops on leaves in the summer. “What do you want from me? Truly?” He opened his eyes slowly.
“Nothing.” He whispered. “Nothing but… All I need to hear is either that you’ll try. Or want me to leave.” Your mind was reeling.
You couldn’t get yourself to tell him to leave. There was no way that you’d tell this broken man to leave you, not now. You finally had him in your arms, somewhere tangible.
“I don’t know if I can tell you neither.” You said honestly.
“That’s good enough for me.” He whispered, standing up and wrapping his hands around your face. He searched your eyes and when he found no hesitation, he lowered his face to yours until his lips slotted over yours.
You felt no explosions, no fireworks. No, you felt warmth. Familiarity, a sense of belonging – soft, glowing embers of need and want somewhere in between his lips and yours. You sighed into his kiss, wrapping your hands around his neck, your fingers resting on the nape of his neck, gently tugging at the strands of short, curly hair.
His hands were warm and, you noticed, shaking. In fear, reconciliation, you didn’t know. His lips were soft, but desperation was somewhere simmering beneath, something he held back; you felt like you were home.
He drew back slowly, resting his forehead against yours.
“I won’t make you promises, and I won’t demand them of you.” He whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” You whispered back and you could feel his chest swell.
“Roy Croft.” You smiled at his remembrance of the qoute he once spoke to you.
“I was once taught that life was a series of lessons learned.” You said, your hand gliding over his neck.
“And yet, the only lessons I truly wanted to know, was whatever you taught me.” He smiled timidly.
“I don’t want to teach you lessons. I want to be taught right next to you.”
And so you stood, his arms around you and eyes steady on yours, in your small apartment with nothing but the future ahead.
Future, you didn’t know you needed or wanted, but fell into your lap along with the man, who held you as cautiously as he would a butterfly and a giant dog in your couch.
Final A/N: this is it, the canon ending. We’ve made it through 20 chapters, a lot of angst and love, and I’m honest to God so grateful for all of you. There’s coming an alternative ending and drabbles as well, so keep your eyes out for that!
When you wake up after a drunken night, you end up in an elaborate scheme to save yours and Henrys reputation.
Problem? How long can you really pretend to be in love, without it actually happening?
18+ chapters will be marked as such!
Pairings: Henry Cavill x reader
Warnings (full series): mutual pining, slow-burn, smut, angst, fluff, language
Feedback/ask/taglists/requests
ON-GOING
Chapter 1: unexpected arrangements
Chapter 2: the whole wide world
Chapter 3: do you believe in miracles?
Chapter 4: All Around Me
Chapter 5: the dress
Chapter 6: riptide
Chapter 7: In lovers meeting
Chapter 8: Unruly Heart (18+)
Chapter 9: The Beach (18+)
Chapter 10: Fall for You(18+)
Chapter 11: Dare you to move
Chapter 12: Passing through (18+)
Chapter 13: My arms were always around you (slight 18+)
Chapter 14: Sick of losing soulmates (18+)
Chapter 15: All I want
Chapter 16: Early spring till
Chapter 17: Was there nothing?
Chapter 18: The ghost of you
Chapter 19: The Only Exception
Chapter 20: Please don’t say you love me - coming march 24
ULTIMATE SHIPS CHALLENGE - Reunions [5/5]
↳ When you met Rose in that parallel world, what did she say? Just the darkness is coming. Anything else? Why don’t you ask her yourself?
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