Okay I may not like that this episode stuck to the heternormative box with this scene, but I can’t deny that Lili’s smile is so adorable. I love happy Sandra.
Thing is, I’m not so sure this actually is heteronormative? I’ve seen that around a couple times this week and there’s a few things about this scene that I think really separate it out.
While the conversation can be boiled down to a guy giving a lady a compliment about her looks, there are a few key differences here from the pathetic pile of gelatin conversations we’re all sick of seeing in media.1) Sandra didn’t change anything about her normal look to get the compliment. She didn’t feminize herself more or anything like that. She’s in a classy, traditionally masculine blazer. 2) The compliment from Snazzy Tie wasn’t sexualized at all. He carefully waited until after they were done working to say she looked nice, not hot. 3) Snazzy Tie acts a little shy and nervous about the compliment exchange, which in many ways is considered the more feminine role. 4) Sandra is the one in the more masculine career. She’s an experienced police chief who has won some awards and Seen Some Shit. Since they’ve probably been working together on this trial Snazzy Tie definitely knows that. 5) Snazzy Tie wasn’t in the position of ‘reassuring’ her about Avery being an awful person. Sandra reassured her own damn self. The only person she accepted support from in the episode was John, which is already their usual pattern of behavior. 6) Saying thank you and leaving without acting shocked or overwhelmed to have gotten such compliment was treated as a normal and completely valid response.
Everyone knows a woman over lets say 35 is supposed to put a bag over your head and pretend you’ll never have sex again in your life. Sandra is an adorably classy lady in her 40′s and that ‘still got it’ smile and eyebrow is perfection. It isn’t framed as comedic, or a big deal. It isn’t framed as a strange response for her to be happy but not overwhelmed or suddenly interested in Snazzy Tie because he’s paid attention to her. She’s just had a super shit week and got a compliment and is happy about it.
While Avery’s insults in this episode were purposefully and blatantly sexist, very pedestrian, they did upset her, but more importantly we never hear her or anyone else confirm verbally that she is upset because she ‘wants a man’, only Avery the fuckwit says that. That standard, overwrought conversation gets left out, and it leaves viewers a lot of room for interpretation. Sandra is in a very stressful job and might just be stressed. Being blamed by the media for a tragic incident when you’ve just lost eleven coworkers and one of your closest friends is in the hospital is a fricken stressful experience to have shoved in your face. Sandra could be lonely for any number of reasons. Sandra could be bi. That is still an option here. Maybe Sandra has lost a relationship in the past and is still sad about it sometimes. We just don’t know, (because fuck you Fox) and the episode doesn’t shove a pedestrian reason down our throat. All we see is Avery freaks her out a bit because he’s a creep.
Snazzy Tie gave her the compliment completely independent of the whole prior situation with Avery and that is important.
Also, as another tiny fem person who’s moving into a serious career, and someone who is frequently described as ‘intimidating’, when people find your manner and career and such intimidating or frightening you don’t get these compliments much. The Winter Soldier Strut is how I naturally walk. I intimidate people by accident for a living. I can easily imagine Sandra having the same experience.
I know we’ve had some years of increasing harassment in certain areas and that sucks, but not everyone has had random looks compliment burnout. I too wasn’t sure how I felt about this scene the first time I saw it, but rewatching I feel increasingly strongly that while you could assume hetero if you wanted to, blandly normative not so much.
