Akisu4

“I am in fact NOT being very brave about it and will whine and complain until i die. As is my right” -@greelin _____she/her_____

[princessfag]

First of all I knew it was a trap second of all I’m having fun under this bucket eating snacks

[mclennonyaoi]

working with kids and one of them says “you know you eat 8 spiders a night on average right?” and another goes “no no no those statistics are actually skewed by people who like eat spiders recreationally for fun and stuff” and my head snapped up like a fucking sleeper agent

[palmer]

I’m going to the grocery store does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 45 minutes

[jurynullification]

How much

[palmer]

Only 3400

[jurynullification]

hot damn 🏃‍♂️ cmon guys lets go 🏃‍♂️🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🧞‍♀️

[palmer]

ok I’m back you and your boyfriend and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your djinn can go

[aromanticduck]

Free service with ads: Well, if I'm not paying for it they have to foot the bill somehow.

Paid service with no ads: Well, if they're not funding it with ad revenue, they need to charge us something.

Paid service with ads: Well that's bullshit.

"We used to be a paid service without ads, but now we're putting ads in it! If you want the ad-free version you have to pay more for preeeeemium": Fuck you fuck you fuck you

[the-quasar-hero]

Man who hates the very concept of life and all living beings: I should design portal websites for colleges and job applications

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Had a dream last night where I was a sapient vein of copper in a copper mine so we're just gonna. Scoot on past whatever the fuck that was.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

So there's a gas leak in my house and I need the pipes replaced with copper.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

New pipes are working out great and I no longer dream of being sapient copper.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[foxglovedforest]

[podcastwizard]

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

[podcastwizard]

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

[sea-parrot]

You wake up one morning, and feel something is off. Your pillow smells strangely sweet. You’re still groggy with sleep, and try to hug your pillow closer. A piece of it simply breaks in your hand. It is made of chocolate.

You try to pull the blanket off of yourself, and you realize that, it too, is made of chocolate. You try to shake it off, and step out of bed. Your carpet feels strangely spongy. You look down, only to realize it’s actually cake. Lovingly baked, and smelling of sweet fruit. You grab a piece, and cautiously take a bite. It is one of the most delicious cakes you have ever eaten.

You get up, confused, and exit your room to see if the rest of your house is like this. The door handle melts in your hand as you hold onto it, and covers it with dark chocolate carefully painted gold. The rest of the carpet on the floor is still cake, the guardrails on the stairs leading down are tempered chocolate, the tiles on the floor are the same, the windows are sugar glass, everything is edible.

You run outside, knocking over the lovingly crafted chocolate front door in a panic.

You realize, in horror, that your house was not an exception. The bushes, the grass, the asphalt on the road, the trees, birds, the world itself, is chocolate.

Somewhere, not too far away, stands a man. Amaury fucking Guichon.

[sea-parrot]

I'm gonna stop you right there

[behindnightmaresanddreams]

You ain't stopping shit.

[purplesaline]

Melon collies

[sahonithereadwolf]

I can no longer feel the infinite sadness

[redstonedust]

being too warm during the day: well, this sucks, but this temperature makes sense because the sun is up, and the sun is making me warm. i am unhappy but logically i can deal with it for now.

being too warm at night: what if i kill everybody.

[cathartidae]

hey. dont cry. 566 california condors, okay? 369 free flying.[1] it's gonna be okay.

[cathartidae]

for the record, in 1987 there were 27. [2] things can get better.

[cathartidae]

HEY. DONT CRY. 607 CALIFORNIA CONDORS, OKAY? 392 FREE FLYING. [3]

[bee-in-your-binnet]

Literally amazing that there’s a predator that goes “mrrp” and you’re allowed to have one in your house

[pokeballvictimized]

> steam sends me an email

> game you wishlisted is on sale!

> wow, 30% off!

> $50

[pokeballvictimized]

I can wait. You'll be 80% off one of these days. I'll outlast you.

[charlesoberonn]

This one is for my fellow office workers

[headspace-hotel]

All working printers are alike because there's only one of them in the world at any given time

[96otherlog]

Fate/ランサー

[argumate]

“my bonnie lies over the ocean, my bonnie lies over the sea,”

are we talking about the same body of water here, which is weird, or different bodies of water, which is even weirder

[theinflammablemammal]

this makes more sense if you assume both are the same body of water but the time between the statements is about 50 million years

[argumate]

you’re right, that’s significantly less weird

[argumate]

toasthaste said: maybe there’s more than one bonnie

blocked

[lalaithion]

A hypothesized geography.

[truth-shitposting]

i bless the bonnie over africa

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

The bonnie is in geosychronous orbit, thus over all the Earth’s bodies of water

[special-lucky-chosen-one]

the bonnie is merely moving very fast, perhaps at hypersonic velocity, relative to the singer

[special-lucky-chosen-one]

my bonnie lies over the ocean

my bonnie’s exceeding mach 3