FEELIN' ALIVE 💄💋 👠

Kitty Wilde Evans; twenty-six, lawyer, hotter than you, Jesus' #1 Soldier. You've reached the blog of Boston's hottest defense attorney Kitty Wilde-Evans, the wife of Sam and the best friend of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. To save your slow brains from exploding like all you greasy McDonald's employee's I'll keep this short and sweet like a majority of you greasers' five-dollar footlongs. I'm an H-O-T hot bitch that always gets what she wants, I'm better than you - Jesus said so - and I am totally not here for your crap. Chances are I really don't care what you have to say but if on the off chance there is a world apocalypse and Jesus takes his time saving all you sinners or you have something interesting to say, my ask box is open. i may be in love with my neighbor.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGES ✉️ SITTY

Sam: I didn't say that... it was just a question.

Sam: How am I meant to just magically know about it when you haven't told me?

Sam: Is this like... baby hormones or something?

Kitty: Actions speak louder than words.

Kitty: You should just know that I, your wife, am not a brainless bitch and can analyze whether or not I should be making a doctor's appointment for myself.

Kitty: No it is /not/. It's stress.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGES ✉️ SITTY

Sam: I know you like... don't wanna talk about it and stuff.

Sam: But have you made that appointment yet? I'm sure stuff will be less stressful once we know for sure.

Kitty: Do you think I'm an idiot, Sam?

Kitty: The first thing I did was make an appointment. This is Boston, not Lima, m'kay? I'm not going to get in to the vagina scuba diver's office within five seconds, there's priorities.

Kitty: For the first time I am NOT a priority.

[akittydee-blog]

↳ @akittydee uploaded a new photo to INSTAGRAM

The fact that he can fall asleep like this revolts me from the pit of my stomach all the way up to Jesus’ heart. My dog needs facial reconstruction, he’s got more wrinkles than #bettywhite and he makes me dryer than the cast of #HotinCleveland 

↳ ❤ 178 LIKES, ✐ 3 COMMENTS.

↳ @staceyevans: He looks like Sam, hahahah.

↳ @quinnfapray: What type of dog is he? Puck and I have been wanting one forever.

↳ @aittydee: @quinnfapray, why? So y’all can replace the bastard baby you had in high school? Jesus won’t forget. You two might, but our Lord never will.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: You only count as you. I miss you.

Kitty: You miss me or you miss the things I do to you?

Kitty: I'd say I miss you too, but I'm not drunk.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: I know. I enjoy it more when I'm drunk. Like, a lot more. I'm like a teenager.

Kitty: I don't think you've had sex with me while you were drunk.

Kitty: Your hand doesn't count as me.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: I'm a little drunk.

Kitty: You do NOT need to be drunk to enjoy having sex with me.

Kitty: I'm a little offended.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: That never stopped us before.

Finn: I guess we work together. We can have sex there.

Kitty: What happened to 'Nah. Never again?'

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: But if we live together we can have sex all the time.

Kitty: I work too much for that. And, we're not married to each other!!

Kitty: I'm not just going to walk away from my husband so I can have sex with you everyday - though it's totes tempting.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: But you know you'd rather live with me.

Kitty: No, I know I'd rather have sex with you.

Kitty: But /live/ with you? That's a really huge thing. Like, huge.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: Who cares.

Kitty: He does! I do! Our whole family does! I'm sure Rachel would too, not that I care.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: Because you know you want to.

Kitty: Regardless if your theory is true or not, we have one small problem.

Kitty: MY HUSBAND!!

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: Move with me.

Kitty: Uh.

Kitty: Why? Because you /irresponsibly/ knocked me up and want to win?

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: No. Don't worry about it. I'm probably moving anyway.

Kitty: Oh no. No no no no no.

Kitty: You are NOT leaving me alone in a neighborhood with Rachel.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: My baby mama is supposed to let me be a part of my baby's life but ... yeah.

Kitty: What do you want me to do? Tell Sam?

Kitty: Cause I can assure you that I wouldn't tell him even if Starbucks' lard lickin' coffee lady was using me as her own personal bean bag and I only had three words left to say.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: Nah, never again.

Kitty: Lame.

Kitty: You're supposed to do your baby mama favors.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: Never good enough, though.

Kitty: You are good enough. Stop putting yourself down. The only down you should go is down on me.

Kitty: Totally inappropriate time for a joke but stand up comedy is kind of my thing now.

[akittydee-blog]

TEXT MESSAGE ✉ HUDWILDE

Finn: I'm not okay with it, but i'm not going to let you give them to someone else.

Finn: Yeah, it's scary. We can figure something out.

Finn: But does he know how to keep you happy?

Kitty: Little late for that. He thinks he's the father.

Kitty: You're a good guy.

Kitty: No, he doesn't know how to keep me happy, but I can't have everything I want. Wish I could, but guess I can't.