straight cis people complain about lgbtq+ people shoving it in their faces all the time, but here’s the thing: we have to.
like. i’m trans. i have a trans pin on my jacket and a pretty clear HE pin as well (and I know it’s not about how easy the pin is to read: my old one was even more clear and the same stuff happened. every. day.). Yet, every time I go somewhere, I’m called a girl. People use she/her for me. They refer to a group with me in it as “ladies.” Even though I’ve clearly shown what pronouns to use.
I introduce myself as James and people call me Jane or comment on how ‘that’s an unusual name’ (with the extremely obvious for a girl going unspoken most of the time), and continue to use she/her for me. Sometimes, they ask me how to spell it (they ask me how to spell James.) because they can’t believe a ‘girl’ would have that name.
If I want somebody to stop misgendering me, I have to say out loud that I’m trans, use he/him pronouns for me. I have to remind them every day, every time they misgender me, until they stop. And they never do stop completely. Even if they met me after I came out and have therefore always known me as a guy.
If you want us to stop ‘shoving it in your face’ maybe pay attention to our signals first.
A (former) friend complained to others behind my back about how obnoxious I was regarding my gender, “shoving it in his face all the time.” By which he meant that my “for the tenth/twentieth/hundredth time, please don’t call me ma'am” was just too aggressive and trans-shouty and exhausting for him to bear.
