K-28 Sleepheart

Free Palestine 🇵🇸 | Chessie | She/It | 25 | Transsexual and Trainsgender | Lesbian | Anarchist | if you would like a steamier experience, my NSFW sideblogs is @locomotivegirlfirebox

[alco-luvr]

A steam locomotive is a type of doll

[alco-luvr]

This one is also a type of doll, but it repeats itself

[shnowyfox]

it would be so awesome

it would be so cool

[pandamugger]

> person has terfs fuck off in bio

> last 3 posts are harassing or complaining about trans women and/or contain transmisogynistic talking points

guys i think we’re maybe losing the plot here a little bit.

[auntiemira]

Your sister's boyfriend breaks up with her, and she's been sad-texting you, so you go over to her house to check up on her. You find her surrounded by empty pints of ice cream, laying on the couch. A deep sigh, and you ask her when's the last time she ate something real. Dreary and embarassed, she whispers, "a few days", and you nod knowingly and get to work cooking and cleaning. You tell her while you do, she oughta take a shower, joking you could smell her from your house. She throws an empty ice cream at you, but smiles, and heads over to the bathroom.

A half hour later (she always did take long showers), she walks out in a towel to a pristine living room, and a hot meal. You're lighting a candle on the dining room table, and you look up with a grin at her gawking face. She says, "You didn't have to do this much! I'd have settled for hamburger helper on the couch..." and you shake your head, replying, "No, no. After what that bastard put you through, you deserve to be treated well!" She chuckles, and kisses you on the cheek. "I'll go get dressed, real quick..." she says, and you say "You're fine like this, though!", to which she gives you a confused look, and you realize what you said. "I-I just mean, it'll get cold, and I don't care what you're wearing. I mean, I've seen you in far weirder outfits, you know?" She pauses, an inscrutable play across her face as she thinks. But she breathes out her nose, half chuckle, half sigh, and says "Fuck it," and the two of you sit down to eat.

After dinner, you crack open a bottle of wine and chill on her couch, as she puts on a show she keeps recommending to you. You tell her you haven't gotten around to it, but in truth, you just wanted to watch it with her. She shivers a bit, probably because shes only wearing a towel, and you move closer, putting your arm around her shoulder. You feel her shake when you do, and ask, "Is something wrong?" She sighs, pauses the show, and turns to you. "I...know what you're trying to do, and we can't. It's not like when we were kids, experimenting, this would be...wrong." You look into her eyes, and you can see them dart about. She isn't just saying this to you, she's saying it to herself. You need to choose wisely what you say next, or it could ruin everything. You pause, think, and finally say it, "Would it be so bad? You know I can love you better than any of them. You keep trying, but it never works out! I...I could work out, you know?"

She stands up and starts pacing, her fingernails in her mouth. "I...know, and you know I love you too, but...what would people think? We'd have to keep it a secret!" You reply instantly, "From who? Our family? They're miles away, and they don't approve of either of us being queer, anyways." She stops biting her nails and shakes her head, "B-but...Legally, I--" you stand up and grab both her hands, interrupting, "Since when do we give a shit about laws?" Her eyes stare at your hands holding hers, and she blushes, before turning her eyes to your face. You pause, but loose one hand to pull her chin up to face you. "Look. Just one night, nobody needs to know but us, okay? And if we still have doubts after that, we end it." She stares into your eyes, drinking them in, and silently nods. It's then that you lean in and kiss.

The subtle tones of cabernet play across both your tongues, but you are sharing a drink now ten times as potent. You pull her back onto the couch, and her towel slips off. A breathing moment and you catch a glimpse of her body lit by the screen, and whisper, "you're so beautiful", before you get right back to making out. You said if there were doubts in the morning, but the last doubts erase as she unbuckles your pants. Finally, you can rest easy, knowing your sister finally has a lover she can depend on: you.

[willowsnpillows]

Another insincere smile, a hand on their waist, a joke that is returned with a reddening of their face, a kiss, a finished drink, an invite back to theirs, a gentle clumsy touch, all just to fill a gaping wound in your chest you’ve held since the day you were born.

It always follows the same cycle. You get lonely, you get desperate. You find a stranger, the sex is usually okay. But that void remains. Nothing again and again. A pit longing for something to be slotted into place. The pieces just don’t quite fit right. You feel nothing yet you wish for so much more.

You found the world to be so unlike the movies, starting with your best friend in the world admitting she had a crush on you early in high-school. You tried, she was gorgeous, brilliant, and so fun to be around. The pieces were there yet the picture remained fragmented.

This cycle repeated often. You would try desperately to make relationships work over and over and over. You would always find yourself back home. You would always find yourself sobbing in your big sister’s lap.

She would run her fingers through your hair, reassert that you didn’t have to be like the other boys, and that you’ll find your person.

Then you transitioned. You finally understood. You didn’t want someone else because you didn’t want you.

Your sister was there for you immediately, on top of your new name and pronouns, helped you get a new wardrobe with some of her own hard earned cash.

You started spending more and more time with her, little by little feeling something right. Coffee and lunch, movies and the bar. Exhausted evenings with a movie and pizza on the couch that would quickly turn to napping atop one another.

Your other relationships often failed, but there she was, your shining beacon in the dark.

You begin to realize, it’s her. It’s always been her. But, why did it have to be her. The one time you long for another’s touch in a way that simply isn’t physical and it’s her. Your older sister. Her gleaming smile, her cute freckles, her stupid sense of humor, and even all of the times she pesters you while you’re trying to rest.

You let it well inside your chest. There’s never going to be another for you, but she can’t be either. At least until one night where you both are drunkenly walking home from the bar.

Evening clouds over you like a soft blanket, once charted routes feel unfamiliar, with her the world feels sharp and bright. You stumble, you fall, and she catches you. The streetlights cast a halo over her soft skin.

Everything you have felt floods out of your chest.

She kisses you, and the world feels right.

[rimonoroni2]

the christian veneration of the lamb has always been terrifying to me in ways i can’t explain

[rimonoroni2]

here’s this figure that is vulnerable and easily abused and what’s admirable about it is that it doesn’t fight back and it doesn’t try to defend itself and it’s suffering is noble because it just sits there and takes it. pain is beautiful when you surrender to pain, suffering is godly when you don’t question or try to protect yourself and survival is ugly… like it is just me or is anybody else’s fucking skin crawling rn!!

[patricia-taxxon]

the thing is, if your younger self was a bigot or an abuser, u can't make people forgive you. but you still gotta forgive yourself, like that's non-negotiable, dude. that happens before u can even ask the question of earning forgiveness from anyone lese

[patricia-taxxon]

oops, in your attempt to martyr yourself out of respect for your victims you accidentally sabotaged your own ability to conceptualize yourself as anything but a perpetual evildoer who is always one bad day away from hurting everyone you love, all but guaranteeing history to repeat itself. rookie mistake

[patricia-taxxon]

im gonna try explaining myself, cus im a gambling addict and im waiting for the day that it actually works.

"forgiveness" is personal, that's why I said in the post that you might inflict harm on people for which they can never forgive you, but that's their quest. if you abuse someone, you can't go no-contact with yourself. you actually keep living in your own head indefinitely, and ultimately you need to learn to live with yourself in order to continue living a full life without further harm. this is not necessarily an anti-carceral thought, although i am generally anti-carceral myself. I simply want people to like, fix their heart and atone for real with measured accountability & self love instead of dissociating, self-marking themselves forever and guaranteeing their recidivism.

You and a remorseful abuser would both think I'm giving the easy, coddling path. It's actually the tough pragmatic path in disguise.

[ship-of-fools]

[actualaster]

The kinds of people who argue once you abuse somebody you can never, ever change and grow past it and stop being abusive are almost 100% of the time people who will contort themselves into intricate knots in an effort to justify any and all harm they cause to anyone else in order to make sure they never have to come to terms with the fact that they're equally capable of being abusive to others (and in a not insignificant number of instances I've seen people who do this be abusers themselves but they've convinced themselves their victims deserved it so they're still morally pure).

[melodies-stereo]

the worst most horrible awful part about using tumblr as a trans woman is that there is truly nowhere else to go. this space is extremely murderously hostile to us, and yet everywhere else is somehow worse. i literally cannot stress enough how dire this shit is.

[saxifraga-x-urbium]

Boris "professional idiot" Johnson wanted to build an island airport in the immediate area.

it's fucking visible

This post requires authentication to view.

It is fun to learn.

[therealraewest]

Hey what the fuck

You weren't kidding they've been trying to get the masts off for 5 years and keep getting foiled because there's probably bombs leaking out of her

[angeluslupus]

Fun fact: Doxing myself but I live in the blast zone if that thing ever goes up! It's even immortalised in a local artwork:

[charl0ttan]

i cast spell of benny hill theme in your mind right now

[sapphireh3arts]

today is the ten year anniversary of the Pulse Nightclub shooting. a full decade ago, i lost a friend and a coworker. i was lucky. i had friends that lost several people. today, please remember and fight for all those that have died to live the life they should have been free to. i'll always remember you, Cory.

[strawberry-crocodile]

Marcille: NO! Alfredo is ONLY butter and cheese! THERE'S NO! CREAM! ...there is some salt and pepper though.

Senshi: Hmm... I don't have much cream on me, since it spoils easy, so let's cook both methods and see what we like better.

*cooking montage*

Senshi: Hm, you're right Marcille, this does taste better. It's sharper, and the butter provides all the creaminess it needs

Marcille: ^w^

Chilchuk: I dunno, I don't really taste a difference

Marcille: >:O

Senshi: Butter and cheese are both more stable than cream... thank you Marcille, now I can make alfredo even if I haven't visited the orcs recently

Marcille: Wait, I don't remember seeing any cows in the orc village...

Laios: *has been catatonic the entire time because yesterday he decided to go mushroom foraging using only his adventurer's guide*

[hikikomoricomplex]

I see we’ve reached the “blame your failures on communist subterfuge” phase of the AI business plan

[alco-luvr]

Starting writing my project! It'll be a daily release on here for over two weeks. Likely won't be what many of you signed up for but uhhhhh stick with me through it yeah? I'm having fun. When I have a few installments queued up I'll drop the announcement post explaining it

[pocket-deer-belly]

i feel like being turned on by your own body is so agonizingly normal it's so fucked that that one guy made it a whole diagnosis specifically for trans women. and he's not even dead yet

[folly-of-alexandria]

The thing that makes I and other transfems so uncomfortable when TME queers say they are envious of how our bodies are "so transgressive," is that its never about us existing as women in a society trying to deny that.

Its always that our bodies are transgressive because they see it as so at odds and incongruent with femininity. And its often demeaning they way they feel so comfortable talking so openly about our bodies in such a way.

Like there's not much difference in how I feel about a person going:

"Your body is so unlike a real woman's, you look like a certified freak! (Derogatory)"

and

"Your body is so unlike a real woman's, you look like a certified freak! (Affectionate)"

I'm not trying to be a freak that shatters ideas of gender by looking like a shocking incongruent amalgam of masculine and feminine traits. I'm trying to be comfortable as a woman and fighting ideas of gender by being a woman when others tell me I'm not allowed to be.

When someone, fawns over my body in such a way with out giving a damn about who I am it feels almost exactly like I'm just dealing with a garden variety chaser.

[pocket-deer-belly]

i don't really care what your personal american feelings are on homeschooling. you have to understand that it's a system that further empowers parents to own their children's lives and behavior. It generates abuse by enabling parents to cut off contact for the child with other children and adults. homeschooling must be understood as a type of grooming, potentially.