i left all of that behind me.

“when your past calls, don’t answer. it has nothing new to say.” alex shepard. 40. police chief of claremont. trying desperetely to escape his past.

[alexshhepard-blog]

( ill be on tomorrow loves; final weeks are really kicking my fuckin ass. )

[alexshhepard-blog]

drsethi:

With cops – American cops in particular, Raju was never sure when she was doing the right thing when telling the truth.  “Claremont’s not that small, you would be surprised, I think.,” She noted. “A – what did you call it, lorry? Well, a lot of people drive them around here; there’s a big market for organic produce that is locally grown, and the best way to transport that is via truck.” She informed.  It wasn’t that she wasn’t that she wanted to hinder an investigation, but she didn’t want to throw anyone under the bus or get someone too excited to think they solved their case. Still, between his accent and hers, she had no idea how they were understanding each other, but she sighed, glancing at her watch. “I don’t know if I can; I just got here really and I will be working through the night as I have a surgery to attend to. But if you want I can tell the chief of staff that there is an issue that needs his attention. I’m only a doctor, after all.”

Alex nodded in agreement. “Quite right. ‘Suppose I’m used to the small town atmosphere, is all.” Sniffing dryly, he nodded once again, finding himself corrected at every turn; he didn’t mind in the slightest, but it made him worry about just how well he was doing in his new job. “Right again,” he repeated, giving her a slight, embarrassed smile. “I think you’re better qualified than I am, Dr. Sethi.” Alex took his suit jacket off and threw it over his arm, rolling his dress shirt sleeves up over his elbows. He always got hot when in hospitals; they reminded him of field injuries he had received over his career, and not all of them were accompanied by good memories. “That’s quite alright,” he said quickly. “It’s not urgent.” He double-glanced her then, raising his eyebrows. “Only a doctor?” He laughed with a small exhale through his nose. “I owe you lot my life, six times over. I don’t think there’s such a thing as only a doctor.”

[alexshhepard-blog]

what comes around

[alexshhepard-blog]

linarcssi:

Lina felt helpless, more so with Isabella in her arms as she was scared that she was gripping her too tightly. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She would have gone to see him composed and listed all of the reasons why she still loved him, only to expect a polite rejection right back at her. However, he had caught her off guard in the presence of Isabella and now she could feel the tears and frustration pouring out of her. Why hadn’t he loved her enough to stay. “She’s not yo-” Her breath caught in her throat as she returned her daughter to the stroller, too afraid that her grip may prove deadly to the girl. Turning it around so that the child was facing her, the little blonde felt extremely uncomfortable; she wanted to cry, to completely break down but she was too concerned for the safety of her child. She had loved him, she still did but actually seeing him only heightened her sense of abandonment and worthlessness. Nails digging into her skin hard in an attempt to stop her sobbing, Lina looked towards the ground and then at Isabella. How was she going to turn out without her father in her life? Would she feel abandoned too? The woman feared that the girl would end up just like her and she didn’t want that to happen AT ALL. 

As he began to speak once more, her fingertips dug in deeper but it wasn’t hard enough to keep her from starting to sob once more. Eyes squeezed shut, the little blonde left out a whimper that she just couldn’t keep inside. “It doesn’t matter.” It had felt like an eternity since she had been pregnant but she could remember the morning sickness and how Alex was far too wrapped up in his problems to notice or even be there; none of this was okay and she hated herself for wanting to go back and plead. “So you’d have left me but not Iss? Don’t…” Hands now gripping onto the underneath of the bench, she slowly rocked forward before shaking her head with her eyes closed. Lina knew that she had to calm down despite how sick she felt and most importantly, make sure her daughter was safe. “You left without saying ANYTHING!” Raising her head, the shouts disintegrated to little, desperate whimpers. “From the Hell YOU were in, Al! I wasn’t there…I loved you, I was with you, that was all that mattered. YOU put me in Hell, I wasn’t in yours to begin with.” She had loved him with every bone in her body and his takeoff had broken all of them; the fractures could still be seen.. “You didn’t have to leave…” Now uncontrollably sobbing and fearful that something was going to happen to her daughter, the little blonde gestured for the male to pick her up, to hold her just for Lina to pull herself together. Of course she wanted him in her life, he had been such a big part of hers but she was afraid he would just takeoff again. “Take her…”

It was all HIS FAULT. It could have all been completely avoided if he hadn’t been such a bloody coward and stayed in Scotland, if he hadn’t have run away from his problems like a selfish git. He could see the signs of a breakdown in Lina’s eyes, and he began to panic even more; HE had brought this on, HE had made her this unstable. When Lina tried to choke out that the baby wasn’t his again, Alex held back a cringe that hid a face that was much closer to crying. He felt a small amount of relief when the stroller was turned away from him, if only because he could stop thinking about the babe for a few seconds and concentrate on Lina, and making sure she was okay ---- which, by the looks of it, she wasn’t. “It does matter,” he countered, leaning forward on the bench a little to try and get a glimpse of her face. “You have always mattered.” 

The mention of the child’s nickname sent Alex into another whirlwind of panic. “No, that’s not what I mean, I ----” He exhaled, unable to find the words. He found a few though, pertaining to the name that had been uttered. “Is that... is that her name, then?” He asked, as softly as his crackly voice would let him without being inaudible. Alex winced when Lina shouted, and he quickly averted her gaze by closing his eyes. He accepted what she was saying as truth, and he knew he deserved every word. “I know, I do,” he whispered, barely able to hear himself, in response to her words that stung like a bullet. YOU put me in Hell. He never wanted that. “I know that now,” he said. “I know I didn’t have to leave, Lina, but at the time... it was the only option I could see that didn’t involve you getting hurt by the media or... the things they said ‘bout me... you would’ve gotten dragged in, and I wouldn't have been able to forgive m’self.” He paused and then added quickly, “I’m not defending myself. I would... could never. I’m just giving you a reason --- I know it’s not a good one.”

He froze when Lina asked him to pick the child up. He couldn’t remember a time he’d ever held a bay for longer than a few minutes, let alone his own child that he’d just found out about a few minutes earlier. He stuttered for a moment, but at the sight of Lina so distressed would have made him move mountains if necessary, if she would be happy again. Alex gently moved the stroller to him, hesitantly, and slowly --- ever so slowly, as if she was made of pure crystal --- scooped the bundled baby into his arms. She was surprisingly light, he thought to himself, as he settled her into his arms and straightened his shoulder to accommodate her tiny little head. He glanced over at Lina, unable to stop himself from asking. “Am I... is this... is this right? Am I doing it wrong?”

[alexshhepard-blog]

what comes around

[alexshhepard-blog]

linarcssi:

The move had been stressful, to say the least, but nothing would ever compare to the stress that she felt when she was left by herself, pregnant, in a job that couldn’t pay for the mortgage alone, she had been stuck with no way out. Lina didn’t regret Isabella; the little girl was the only thing pushing her to go forward in her life and she knew it. Sometimes, the woman worried that when she’d grow older, she’d exhibit some of the bad behaviours that her mother had but nothing was to be known at this point. Still, Lina hoped that she wouldn’t have her poor brain chemistry. She had allowed herself to fall in love with an older man, one with expertise in his field and one that loved her…At least she THOUGHT that he had loved her. No, instead of sticking by her and supporting her, he had left in the dead of night without saying a word. It had sent her on a spiral and she knew it. Now, the blonde was afraid that everyone was going to leave her as he once had and it was too much thinking like that.

Lina knew that she needed to accept the help her conservative, strict parents were offering and move back to New York. However, the woman knew what she was doing. Desperation for someone to love her like he did was large and she wanted him back, she NEEDED him; nothing was ever that simple. She would confront him and tell him her feelings, how much it hurt her but how she was willing to forgive him as long as he promised not to leave her. However, that wasn’t healthy; this man had hurt her psyche and she couldn’t seem to bounce back from it. Sitting with Isabella beside her, the blonde leaned into her and smiled. No, she hadn’t had an easy time when pregnant and struggled bonding with her at first but she had worked so hard to get past that; Isabella was her daughter and she’d always be hers. The voice that she heard from behind her completely caught her off guard. It was HIM. What? Lina felt dizzy, nauseous and felt like she needed to leave but someone’s presence had caused her to stay where she was. Immediately picking up her daughter after he had laid eyes on her, the little blonde held her close to her chest. She could feel the tears building in her eyes as she shook her head. “No, it’s not-” She was panicking. He did not get to act like he was the one who had been hurt from this. All her previous thoughts had been demolished with his unexpected presence. “She’s not yours, okay?!” There was a high-pitched crack in her voice as she continued to shake her head, her hand on the back of THEIR daughter’s head as she began to sob.

His whole world had come crashing down around him. But one thing kept buzzing through his mangled thoughts ---- SHE’S LYING. He knew her better than he knew himself, and in her panicked cries that the baby wasn’t his, he could tell she wasn’t being honest. Why else would she be crying, and holding the babe so close to her? I’d try and keep my child away from me, too, he thought, knowing the reason she would do that was a valid one. But above all, he felt hatred. Hatred for himself, hatred for his decisions... Alex didn’t think he’d ever loathed himself as much as he did in that moment; and that was really saying something.

He knew he had to say something. His first instinct, at seeing her cry, was to take her into his arms like he used to, to tell her it was okay on her worst days and that things would be better tomorrow. But he couldn’t; he’d LOST that trust, and he didn’t blame her. He tried to keep his voice as steady as possible, but his eyes wouldn’t move away from the child in Lina’s arms, and it was making it difficult.

“I didn’t know, Lina,” he said finally, his voice stronger than he expected. “I swear to you, I had no idea you were...” His voice threatened to break, so he stopped himself and took a long even breath. He stood up straight again, the bench losing its purpose for him. He placed one hand on his hip, and the other scrubbed at his messily-bearded face nervously. He could feel the prickling behind his eyes, the tears trying to break through, but he was too ANGRY with himself to let them. He didn’t deserve to cry. “God, Lina,” he whispered, turning back to her with an expression that was far too full of emotion to be anything less than pitiful. “What the bloody hell have I done?” He paused for a moment, and then his small resolve broke and he rushed to sit next to her. “I’m sorry,” he started, and continued before she could say anything. “I know that doesn’t mean anything to you, and it shouldn’t, because I’m a bloody arsehole and you shouldn’t even have to look at me. But I’m asking you to listen, just a moment, yeah? I didn’t know. I swear that I didn’t. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have left. I shouldn't have, anyway. It was the stupidest thing my miserable arse has ever done, but I was doing my best to save you from the hell I was in. it was my fault, and you didn’t deserve to be in the middle of it.”

[alexshhepard-blog]

kalixscott:

“Well that depends on your definition of ‘doesn’t belong’. That cold mean a lot of things.”

“Y’know, acting strangely or out of the ordinary in some way? I know you work ‘round here, so you would know if something was off, yeah?”

[alexshhepard-blog]

drsethi:

Enough teasing, she thought to herself, and listened intently as the man spoke. A brow cocked, she tried to recall seeing a car with a dent like he described, always being hyper aware of her surrounding, and more than likely to have seen it. Holding her head high at the recognition, she smiled a bit with pride at the calling of the title she worked so hard for, even more inclined to be of assistance. “Um, there is a blue kind of pick up truck with a dent in it. I think it belongs to one of the security guards; I’ve seen him leaving in it a few times when I’ve had late shirts. Why, is he in some sort of trouble?” She asked curiously. Maybe she watched too many crime shows, but her mind went straight to serial killer when trying to wonder why he was looking for this car.

Alex scribbled the description down in his notebook before shoving it back in his inner suit pocket. He sighed through his teeth, wondering how much to tell her. “I don’t know yet. He might be,” he said, looking a the doctor from below his brow. “Someone with that truck was seen at the scene of a crime downtown. I don’t know how many beaten up blue lorry’s there are ‘round here, but I’m guessing not more than a few, if I had to guess.” Many people, including himself, walked to and from work, and so there weren’t an abundance of cars to begin with. “I appreciate your help, Dr. Sethi. Would y’mind giving a full statement to the police sometime today?”

[alexshhepard-blog]

wtfwarren:

“I swear chief, I’m never gonna dread working with you. Loosen up!” He smiled and almost put a heavy yet comforting hand on the police chief’s shoulder. Almost. Good thing he ha time to hesitate. HE didn’t think they were close enough for him to break through personal boundaries like that.

It wasn’t till that afternoon when Warren thought hey, what if I work for the law? Alex may not mean it — offering Warren an internship, pitching the idea to try it — but it was one of the why not? moments for the young man. He looked back at Alex as he took a seat, his face showing he was obviously starting to think about it. “You mean, as your partner of some sort? I get to help solve crimes or something?”

Alex was good at a few things - reading people, detecting lies, and sometimes he could solve crimes - but accepting kindness or praise wasn’t one of them. So when Warren said he would never dread working with him, it came as a shock; usually people took different shifts to avoid that. He was grateful, but he would never be very good at showing it. But he did give the young man a smile, which was more than most people got.

He was clearing some paperwork off of the table and back into its folder when Warren spoke up about what Alex had said earlier. The corner of the chief’s mouth curled into a smile as he continued shifting through the papers, and he nodded. “You’d have to get clearance, o’course, but... yeah, more of less a partner. With you father’s influence it couldn’t be too hard to get in, right? Only if you want, that is.”

[alexshhepard-blog]

what comes around

Slow days at the police station back in Scotland were Alex's worst days. But he could always get through them because he knew what - or, more accurately, who - he was going home to. Lina. She had been the light of his life; she still was, even though he had torn his heart in two and left her. It was something he never went an hour without thinking about. But if slow days in Scotland had been hard, then slow days in Claremont Ridge were unbearable. People here were either too good, or too good at hiding that they weren't.

He left work at dusk, and the air was cold when he left the station. The wind bit at his cheeks and reddened them, a drastic contrast to his usually pale and almost sickly complexion. He didn’t own a car, and didn’t think the 15-minute walk from his flat to the station was worth cab fare, so he walked home most days. On his way home, he would always walk by the biggest park in town, on the edge of Ghost Pines forest. It was peaceful, and there was hardly ever anyone there. But today he saw a figure off in the distance on a bench, a woman, and he found it odd, but ignored it.

He nearly fell over when he saw her. His legs felt like jelly, and his face went stale-white again. Lina. How was she here? Why was she here? Alex had never felt his heart race so fast, and it only quickened when he felt his legs taking him to her, as if some unknown force was pulling him closer to her – it always did, though, didn’t it? Even though he knew she hated him – how could she not? – he couldn’t help the smile, the first real smile in months, from breaking onto his face as he got close enough to see her, and let her see him.

“Lina, wh–” He started, but then saw what was sitting next to the bench. A stroller. A baby. Lina had a baby. A baby… His hand went to his sternum, and he knew, he just knew from looking at the wee little crying babe, that it was his. “Is that…” He tried to swallow, but his throat constricted. “Oh, god, Lina.” And that was all he could say before he lost his balance, and had to lean on the bench for support.

[davidtennantphotos]

[alexshhepard-blog]

( happy easter, if u celebrate! if not, happy sunday! i’ll probably not be on tomorrow, as i have some hw i just found out about to finish, but monday’s fair game!! )

[alexshhepard-blog]

wtfwarren:

Warren tried his best to ignore the tiredness that showed on the older man’s posture. He’s been around busy men too many times to know when one is sleep-deprived, or when one has just got off a whole day’s deskwork. “Nowhere else to go?” A pause as he debated whether or not he was gonna ask what the police chief meant. He decided he wasn’t.

He shook his head and waved his hands. He didn’t need the compensation. His mother raised him and taught him to do people a favor and not expect anything in return. “As the mayor’s son, it is my duty to help keep this town progressive. I will cooperate because I wanna help, chief. This is already worthwhile!” Flashing the other man a big smile, he swept past Alex and walked into the room. Looking all prepared, aiming to be there for the people in question. The next hours might be long, but he didn’t mind. Besides, wait till his parents hear about this. They’re gonna celebrate with an awesome huge dinner.

A little nod was Alex's only response to Warren's repetition. He couldn't go back to Scotland - no matter how much he desperately wanted to, for more reason than one --- he never could. Not for a long while, anyway. A really long while. Alex raised his brows in almost shock - who didn't want compensation? Especially spending time with his own miserable personality --- he figured anyone would want money for that. "Oh," he said, a little taken aback but accepting Warren's excitement all the same. "Alright, then. Fair enough."

He couldn't stop the smile that spread a little across his lips when Warren swept past him. It wasn't often that anyone at the station was excited about questioning someone, and it was a refreshing feeling to have a lively spirit around. "Thanks, Warren," Alex said, once he followed him into the interrogation room. He didn't think 'Mr. King' fit the young man; it reminded Alex too much of Warren's father. "Y'know - y'could even intern here," he continued, with a tiny sparkle of humor in his eyes. Even though it came off as a joke, Alex wouldn't have minded having Warren along at the station.

[alexshhepard-blog]

kalixscott:

“No, fuck that, I know how this shit goes. So I lit one blunt, but I know how y’all be locking us up for marijuana like I’m out here committing a crime and not tryna enjoy my damn day. Is your question can you have some? Yes, if you don’t lock me up for 8 ½ years, I’ll let it slide, just this once. I don’t wanna get locked up before the end of Game of Thrones, I’m all set.”

"What? Game of Thrones...? What?!" He says, completely dumbfounded. He shakes his head as if to clear her speech from his mind, and then continued on. "No, I'm - I'm not here for... that.  And no, I don't want any. I’m actually going to pretend I never heard or saw that, yeah?” He sighed. “I just want to know if you saw anyone 'round here a few days ago that didn't belong, is all.”

[alexshhepard-blog]

pilaluminis:

Maya searches her mind for anything to help him. At first nothing occurs to have been out of the ordinary to her but then it dawns on her. “Right! I heard about that– now that you mention it– there was this shady dude that sat at the end of the bar for about fifteen minutes– didn’t order a drink, just kind of scoped out the place and then left.” She explains, pushing her hair behind her ears. “But I don’t know what help that is– I’d never seen him before. But I could probably describe him pretty well if you want to try to get a sketch.”

Alex immediately pulled out his small, old, leather-bound notebook and a pen to jot down anything she said to help. He was glad of the help, and scolded himself at expecting her not to be able to provide any evidence. If there were two things he learned during his career it was that everyone is a suspect, and everyone can provide evidence. Alex opened his mouth to ask what he looked like, but then she mentioned that she could sketch him. "D'you think? That would be very helpful, Miss...?" he said, asking her name. "Do you wanna go now? There's a sketch artist at the station. If you're not busy," he said, adding the last bit as an afterthought. 

[alexshhepard-blog]

drsethi:

He was visibly uncomfortable which made Raju snicker a bit.  Sometimes it was almost too easy to make people uncomfortable for her, she honestly had to reel in the natural with that came to her so easily. Clearing her through and relaxing her face, she looked at him with a brow cocked before nodding. “Okay… But you do realize there are dozens of cars here, right? Are you asking about the blue Nissan or the black Ford or the beaten up old station wagon? Maybe the red minivan is what you meant…”

Alex cleared his own throat to try and pass the awkward moment, but it didn't help his inner turmoil over the situation. With a single nod, he agreed with her. "Yes, there're quite a few. I should be more specific - this one would have a dent in the side ---- quite large, too. Like it'd been hit several times? I don't have specifics just yet, just the dent for now. Anything like that?" His brows knitted together for a moment, waiting for a reply before adding something else. "Sorry about earlier, Dr. ..." He glanced at her badge, "Sethi. I didn't mean to cause offense."

[alexshhepard-blog]

bethanyking:

“Was anyone hurt?” She asked, figuring the answer would be no otherwise that’s probably what he would have lead with. People being hurt, seemed a little more severe than some car lights being smashed. “I don’t think I saw anything out of the ordinary. There was one person hanging around that I didn’t recognize which is a little strange around here, but that’ nothing to set off alarm bells.”

"No," he assured her, pulling out his small, beaten, leather-bound notebook out of his pocket to record anything she had to say. "No one was injured. Bad night to be a headlight, though." His small joke felt odd on his lips; he used to joke often, but since moving he didn't do much of anything but frown. "Oh, really?" He jotted something down in his notebook before looking back up to her. "Thank you for y'help," he said, mumbling a little. "Would you mind coming by the station later to provide a full statement, by chance?"

[alexshhepard-blog]

nalaxhai:

“ op’ you’ve caught me! how did you guess? ” she tosses back at the officer. there was a general tone of sarcasm in her voice yet it could have easily transferred into carelessness. stopping in her steps, she turns to fully face the male with a forced grin plastered across her unbothered mug. “ i haven’t not thought of doing something like this. we’ve all been young and dumb once, aggression sort of follows with the territory. but i’m an adult with children. can’t really afford to sit in jail now can i? might also tarnish my name with the prissy moms on the PTA. ” 

alex’s hand reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose at her flippant response, not dignifying it with any sort of reply —- which, he guessed, was what she would need to continue being careless. sometimes, those who were questioned were cooperative and helpful. other times… alex sighs, waiting for her to finish her speech before he replied —- although he was tempted to interrupt. “a lot of mothers commit crimes,” he reminds her, lowering his head but still staring at her. “most times they do it for their kids, to protect them in some way.” he pauses, than continues after a moment. “is your name already tarnished at the PTA, mrs. hai?" 

[alexshhepard-blog]

( ill be on more properly tomorrow loves !! i still need to make tags pages for loo and harry, and finish some replies as well. if all goes well at the advisors office i have to be at at 8AM WHAT THE FUCK then ill be on after !! )