aliassmith

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[aliassmith]

at the end of all things

for those about to abandon ship, you can find me at lj, dw & ao3 as aliassmith, but mostly i live at twitter dot com as aliassmith_lj

[feelmyskin]

Gary Oldman trying to change the subjet to Tom Hardy’s lips as a bunch of thirsty old men talks about Anne Hathaway’s body.

During the promotion of “The Dark Knight Rises” in 2012.

[urulokid]

id like to thank the venom fandom, the true last bastion of nsfw fanart on this hellsite. ive been here for like seven years and its just so fitting that the last explosion of horny art, the last gasp if you will, was lovingly rendered monsterfucking slime tenderly jacking off its host, tom hardy

[bi-halobearer]

👏 princess 👏 prom 👏 changed 👏 lives👏

[updatebug]

Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like: 

“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?” 

“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.” 

“…Noted.” 

“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.” 

“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”

“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”

“Yeah.”

“Does such a process not hurt?”

“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.” 

“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?” 

“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?” 

“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.” 

[batzendrick-deactivated20230703]

I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs.

[tumblunni]

Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues

[tan-antoni]

I’ll just leave this here - you do what you will with it

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

DM:  “The orc captain fires his bow, and…that’s a hit.  And he rushes, and…hit.  And, bonus move, and…oh jeez that’s a *big* hit.  I’m sorry, man.”

Player, sadly pulling out a fresh character sheet:   “Eh, it’s alright.  I guess in the next act y'all are gonna meet Boromir’s brother Faramir.”

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

I just lost six followers

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

did i ever tell you guys about that time i gave my sister 2000 nickels for her birthday

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

special ordered them from the bank

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

nice to know that in a world full of change, tumblr still has no idea how numbers work

[laurajameskinney]

thats…thats $100, right? 

[rabeimwald]

@ you weebs

2,000/10=200

Two hundred dollar power move

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

#Math is literally the only thing i have going for me  #It’s my bragging right  #Even Gaud can’t take that away

You divided by 10. 10 is for dimes

[lizzykasters]

Y'all. 2,000 nickels is $400. 2,000÷5. It equals $400.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i’m crying. no, no it doesn’t

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the answers keep getting worse better

[pawesome-but-pawful]

Guys it’s 50$.

what the hell.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

honey no

[fracturedsunbeams]

This post is getting progressively worse and I love it with a passion 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

yeah that’s me

[kaldurcalm-deactivated20240513]

They’re also the person who accidentally got a math degree

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

yeah i did that too

[jcp1765]

how do you accidentally get a math degree

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

with extreme bitterness 

[royal-abbotts]

Jon Bernthal + the shirt thing

[seatrench]

[babypears]

catradora 💖

[twotitsdeacon-blog]

I love how Brian, Roger, and John hated Paul enough to make him the number one enemy in the major motion picture about them and Freddie. They could have just made him a small secondary character or just not include him at all but no they wanted everyone to know how evil Paul was in their minds which is so petty I love it

[poiregourmande]

me: you’ve already used this exact turn of phrase two paragraphs ago, that’s too repetitive

me, an intellectual: if I use it three more times it becomes a motif

[stevenbuckys]

bonus:

[glnger-ale-official]

i put new yellow shoelaces on my boots to show people i am Cool. I walk to my work full of old lady cashiers. “I like your shoelaces.” one of them says to me. I see my life flash before my eyes as this ancient test is presented before me

[hey-im-anxiety-deactivated20190]

Op did you say it

[princesshamlet-deactivated20210]

did you say it op

[portraitoftheoddity]

SHOULDA CALLED SQUIRREL GIRL. 

(x)

[penny-anna]

hot take: 

Gloin is the sexiest dwarf by dwarf standards.

Kili is the sexiest dwarf by elf standards.

Thorin is the sexiest dwarf by human standards

& Bombur is the sexiest dwarf by hobbit standards

[penny-anna]

#ITS TRUE AND YOU SHOULD SAY IT #(ALSO THORIN AND KILI BEING ‘UGLY’ BY DWARF STANDARDS IS AMUSING CONTENT)

further take: Kili is straight-up ugly by dwarf standards. Thorin is like, the dwarf equivalent of Benedict Cumberbatch. Some dwarves think he’s an absolutely dreamboat, others think he is super weird looking, there’s very little middle ground.

[kayla-bird-deactivated20190505]

omg now i’m like. what does this make frodo by hobbit standards

[penny-anna]

by hobbit standards, I’m afraid Frodo is probably. not conventionally attractive at all.

[femmefaramir]

Frodo is the sexiest hobbit by elf standards

[stinkylittlegnome]

@femmefaramir this is some fucking galaxy brain level tags and im crying out of sheer horror