NASA
ellievsbear
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#extradirty
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Monterey Bay Aquarium
@theartofmadeline
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Sweet Seals For You, Always
roma★
Xuebing Du
oozey mess
Acquired Stardust
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
PR's Tumblrdome
🪼
styofa doing anything
RMH
d e v o n
KIROKAZE
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@alignmentsinfiction
strange man in black hooded robes with a skull mask hovering around town, hes got a stack of papers in his arms, stapling them to various poles and handing them out to bypassers. you look at the poster hes putting up everywhere. "LOST: SKELETON ARMY" is written in large text, underneath is a picture of roughly 5000 skeletons with various weapons, taken like an elementary school class photo. underneath the picture is "CALL NECRUS THE VILE" followed by an evil rune
… i admit it. I danced. src
the OG (and if you don’t get it)
source
writer's strike is amazing actually go girl get that fucking marvel show UNMADE get that fucking gay pirate show CANCELLED get these chronically online fandom bitches' obsessions on HOLD until the corporations learn to pay you your mf money that you deserve
Pantheons in fantasy will almost always be something like “fire deity, water deity, light deity, EVIL deity, GREAT MOTHER” while an average bronze age city’s pantheon was s/t like “deity personifying the city, god everyone has to treat as the main one because his city got geopolitically lucky, three or so personifications of main local sources of income, a nearby mountain, half a dozen incoherent minor deities (at least one is the result of some misspelling a name), deified branding iron”
More dumb D&D warlock concepts:
A warlock who’s basically a harem anime protagonist; their “patron” is a collection of 3–5 inexplicably hot eldritch monstrosities whose affections the warlock must precariously balance, lest any one of them establish a definitive claim upon their soul.
A warlock whose patron has fallen on hard times, and subsequently showed up to crash on their couch. The patron is still capable of granting unfathomable cosmic powers, but can’t seem to get a goddamn job, and keeps hitting the warlock up for money to buy pipeweed.
A warlock whose patron is the mysterious author of a series of blasphemous self-help manuals. Their devotions consist of a collection of increasingly bizarre positive thinking exercises, and they keep trying to recruit NPCs into some sort of soul-twisting pyramid scheme.
A warlock who is to all appearances a middle-ranking member of an obscure trade guild or other mortal organisation, and insists in the face of all evidence to the contrary that their powers and invocations are merely the skills of their wholly mundane profession.
A warlock who has a very long and impressive-sounding title within the hierarchy of their patron’s conspiracy or cult, but whenever the subject of their duties comes up it’s never 100% clear who they answer to or what they actually do.
But that’s not as funny :(
idk my dude. “I just wanted to cheer up this peasant and give them hope for a better tomorrow, but instead they overthrew the local nobles and now we’ve got to teach a bunch of peasants how to govern a kingdom”
is at least twice as funny as
“this person has sex” especially if your DM is uncomfortable with role playing seduction and such
“I roll to convince the dragon to support the overthrow to the monarchy,”
Look, our paladin TALKED a locked magic door into opening once.
Some people have no idea the power of words.
I do want to say - this is a great way to introduce a BBEG HOWEVER. I think it’s super important that you make sure the core of their personality, their goals and desires that get expressed to the party, are always accurate to themselves.
Rourke never expresses any awe or respect for the Atlantians. He never promises to help them, or seem to have any care for their culture or anything like that - and it’s easy to shrug at that from Milo’s perspective because hey! He’s a mercenary, and he’s not the main protagonist! He doesn’t have to care, he just has to watch out for Milo!
And he does!!! Until Milo is at odds with him and getting the job he cared about finished. And that’s the gut punch.
If you’re going to introduce the BBEG, the biggest gut punch is when their betrayal is still completely in line with everything they’ve expressed up to that point. When “differences of opinion” hit a boiling point and suddenly became violent, or when hidden agendas begin to surface and you suddenly realize why they were always so careful in the way they worded their goals.
Passing skill checks with bad rolls is hilarious.
GAME OF THE YEAR 2022
WIZARD COUNCIL 2021 BANNED SPELL LIST:
Unending penis barrage
Summon Ketamine Ape
Greater Baja Blast
Transmute Idaho
Homoerotic Vortex
Patch Notes:
Unending Penis Barrage - The council could not determine where the penises were sourced, and will be banning the spell until it can be conclusively determined that wizards are not using magic to sever thousands of cocks from their owners in another dimension.
Summon Ketmaine Ape - Ketamine Ape cannot be killed, but needs regular rest and relaxation. The council is considering lifting license restrictions for Summon Klonopin Chimp in the meantime.
Greater Baja Blast - Far too destructive. The council reminds wizards that Lesser Baja Blast is still permitted, along with Seeking Baja Blast and Splitting Baja Blast.
Transmute Idaho - The Council’s reasoning is that while Idaho is a terrible place which may be transmuted, the spells reverse also functions, and cannot risk the magical incidence of Idaho appearing in places it should not be. The use of Transmutation from Idaho will be banned pending control of Idaho incidence.
Homoerotic Vortex - Body count is far too high to allow continued use.
Monsters of the Deep (Alan Pollack art for Gregory W Detwiler’s article on adding classic sea serpents to AD&D 2e, Dragon 190, February 1993)
I love that in DnD there are monsters that are classified by how fucked up they are. Like there’s specific shit like fiends and constructs and dragons and so on, but there’s also like… Ok that’s maybe a little weird but it’s still basically an animal, that’s a beast. That one’s bad to look at and extremely good at killing us and we think a wizard might be responsible, but it still more or less makes sense, that one’s a monstrosity. And over here, we don’t know what the fuck is going on with this one and we’re too afraid to ask, let’s just call it an aberration and move on.
Assuming we’re talking 5th Edition, the formal distinction between a Beast and a Monstrosity is whether the critter in question’s designer wants druids to be able to turn into one. Beast: yes; Monstrosity: no.
The formal distinction is whether the critter’s designer is cool or a fucking coward.
Let me be an Owlbear damnit.
