Queerer Than a $3 Bill

a nerd plays D&D

[victusinveritas]

[charlesoberonn]

Sci-fi: Credits?

Fantasy: Gold pieces. Quests?

Sci-fi: Missions. Bounty hunters?

Fantasy: Sellswords. Magic?

Sci-fi: *sigh* Science.

Sci-fi: . . . Crystals?

Fantasy: Crystals!

Sci-fi: Crystals!

Both: ♪ Crystals! Crystals! Crystals! ♫

[beardedmrbean]

[smolderingcorpsebar]

(yes, that @gallusrostromegalus )

[official-dnd-posts]

official dnd post

[tireddungeonmaster]

You know, if your dwarves are delving too deep it probably means they lack enrichment. Try giving them a puzzle feeder or something.

[freshcuntgrass]

I have never seen someone escape the cycle of suffering and reach true and perfect zen the way that one of my D&D players, an honest-to-god tenured college dean and professor, does when he inhabits his 7 INT bardlock elf prettyboy. Brain goes in a jar on the shelf for two hours. Nothing between those pointy ears but one jingle bell rolling back and forth. Refers to his patron as his "sugar mama" and That Warlock Cantrip as "Elvis blast." You can SEE the player knowing and suspecting things and gleefully not acting on them. I love it so much. Next week I'm gonna see if I can bait him into fucking a vampire milf. I bet it'll work

[freshcuntgrass]

UPDATE: despite the best efforts of the orc fighter/paladin, he did in fact fuck the vampire milf

[medievaljournalist]

the king picked the guy with skull shoulderpads for the court magician job, which is exciting

[prokopetz]

Wish-granting genie that isn't actually bound to do it and just grants wishes as a hobby, but like in the specific way that model train enthusiasts play with toy trains as a hobby.

[lyricwritesprose]

Wish-granting genie being like: Oh, look at that! The way giving you your fondest desire will lead to ruination and misery! This one has those classic, sleek Serling lines, but the drive mechanism is more classic fairy tale. I think it's a fascinating fusion, let's see how it runs

[amashelle]

No, I’ve already done that wish four times. Come up with something novel for the collection or get out of my hair.

[howieduet]

Does anyone have this one extremely specific wish? I've been wanting to grant it for years now. Maybe I could take your wish and modify it into the one I've been wanting to grant...

[beardedmrbean]

[smash-chu]

Do you prefer your potions with or without pulp?

[medievaljournalist]

lol yeah go ahead try and attack me *notices i left my dragon scale talisman of immortality at home* or maybe lets not be too hasty

[sceptixfakemon]

someone wrote something like this before i can feel it but : armor mimic. looks like regular, maybe a little dusty armor. you try to wear it and it locks onto your head and it crushes your skull, and you're just done for. it then uses your body to move around and act like a very regular armored knight, very normal, oh yeah that's just our paladin back from the dungeon! maybe you see some bleeding through the plates, some squishy sounds while he's walking... nahhh don't worry about it :]

[txttletale]

wizard who's too lazy to name things properly and so can't ever find the incantation she's looking for bc her spellbook is full of spells called shit like 'aaaa1' and 'asdfghjk'

[ctrl-salt-delete]

fireball_v2_jan2020-new(1)

[somebodytolove31]

Man, this wizard city is neutral. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "hear me clap" or some similar shit, and everyone around him heard him clap. No one around him even cared that's how neutral it was. My ass is casting mildly interesting spells and level 2 ambivalence. I think I just heard "power word:nothing" two groups over. I don't feel any way in particular about leaving or staying.

[valtsv]

in fucking Tears thinking about how disgusting a baby griffin would look

[valtsv]

behold. my ugly son.

[felix-the-creature]

Species accurate version

[scrixels]

i felt Compelled to draw this horrible child, i love him

[mousemilf-deactivated20250508]

imagine being a vampire w a nice dark apartment and a cushy remote job plus a little nighttime doordashing to make ends meet and then your tags expire and u cant go to get them renewed bcs the dmv isn't open after dark rn so u figure you'll wait until winter to get it done but then the apartment complex has ur car towed bcs of the expired tags and u cant go get it bcs the lot isnt open after dark so they keep charging you until u simply cant afford to get it back anyway. so now you cant doordash anymore and on top of that youre having to pay for an uber every time you go out to hunt and it adds up fast and your job isnt really covering it so you look for a second job but they all want you to come interview in person during the daytime. and eventually u miss too many rent payments and late fees and your apartment management evicts you and u cant even show up to court to fight it bcs it is obviously also during the day. and the cops come and open your door and the sunlight streams in and you just burn up to a crisp right before their eyes.

[mousemilf-deactivated20250508]

imagine getting pulled over as a vampire and your license says u should be 55 but you look 20 and on top of that they wanna breathalyze you but technically you dont breathe so since you refused they take u in for a blood test but you dont really have any of your own blood either. so your license gets suspended and part of what you have to do to get it reinstated is an addiction recovery program but the only ones in your area are aa groups that meet in fucking churches which obviously as a vampire you cant enter. what the fuck do you even do.

[anarchistmemedistro]

even vampires suffer under capitalism

[apas-95]