a walking inconvenience

Naya | 28 | russian | she/her he/him | bigender bisexual | pls read my pinned before follow| pfp by @AuntieLurry

[alisharoyal]

pinned post or whatever

Hey, guys. Never had a pinned post or a proper intro until now tbh. But since I started to post more since the last summer, I think at this point i need one just in case.

main info

I'm Naya. 28 y.o., bisexual bigender, she/her and he/him. You can also call me Alisha if you want.

For most of my life I have hypothalamic syndrome, which caused a lot of consequences including severe eating disorder. I might post about that and would tag them, also I'm open for reminders to tag those I might forget to in a rush, unless I specifically stated I'm not going to. Also open for questions abt my conditions in reasonable wording via inbox.

I consume a lot of media and Ig I'll make a separate post about fandoms. But briefly: I mostly reblog things I like. But most of the time I post about Assassin's Creed's Ezio Trilogy and Baldur's Gate 3, might also post about something else.

My main account for interaction with fandoms is this one, and the others goes by the same nickname as here (ie AlishaRoyal. Royal as colour btw). I only give insta, discord or other ways to contact me personally to mutuals I know long enough and trust to.

I'm rarely blocking people here. But I would block in a heartbeat for anything listed in the DNI below:

▌Minors (under 20 at the very least) under my adult-themed posts or in my dms ▌lgbtphobes (terfs, swerfs, political lesbians included) ▌fatphobes ▌racists and imperialists ▌russian goverment supporters and tankies and etc ▌any kinds of xenophobes in usual meaning ▌maps or apologisers of it ▌ai bullshit enjoyers ▌jkr supporters ▌harassers over normal ass fandom stuff ▌

Interact with me and my blog with caution if you're:

▌mogai ▌advocating for inclusion of cis straights in lgbt-spaces ▌using the split attraction model outside of ace/aro community ▌believe that media does not affect reality whatsoever and don't see nuances ▌

IMPORTANT PSA: I'm russian and I'm still living there. I don't think I'll be able to leave it in foreseeable future. Considering that, I want to clarify that I won't openly speak about A LOT of news or political stuff in general until I'm getting out, if I ever will get out. This is also a reason why I won't reblog any donation posts (LIKE, ANY). That and the fact that I personally and technically can't donate myself properly because of the lack of acess to swift and consequences for doing that, so I won't ask anyone to do anything that I can't do myself.

I have opinions. I want to speak up. I'm already risking by existing here with my identities and barely hiding it and even talking on LGBT matters. And I would speak up more if it would be only me and it wouldn't hurt people around me. I don't care what happens to me. But I don't want my family and decent people I know to get penalized or jailed by chain logic because I chose to speak up. I don't expect y’all to understand. But I'm not risking with some other lives other than mine.

This is how things works here in my blog. I understand how it looks like. So I'm totally fine with people not interacting with my stuff and preventively blocking me because of where I'm from or that I'm not speaking up. That's absolutely valid. But I won't tolerate shittalking and insults and etc here. I'm not explaining why my dni and iwc are worded how they are, they're here for my own sanity and calmness and settling my boundaries and nothing else. I'm also not participating in related arguments and not coming to other blogs to banter about it, so I'm not recommending to start this bullshit under my posts/in my inbox or dms either.

If anything from listed and stated above is something that you don't like - please, just leave me be and go find someone better. Blocking exists for a reason. Thanks.

[alisharoyal]

i just had that vision of Shovel being the perfect familiar for Rolan

[alisharoyal]

like imagine THESE FREAKS POSTGAME

Shovel to a customer: Why are you spending ur money on paper if you can go buy a knife. I have a knife. Buy it. I DARE YOU TO BUY MY KNIFE, YOU FUCKER! I DOUBLE DARE YOU!!! Rolan, trying to pack the customer's final haul in a basket: For the love of god, CAN YOU STFU?! I'm doing business here! Shovel, frowning: Tf you mean, business? You sell people paper to clean their asses from shit? Shut up. Ass.

And shop is literally going on technicall break cuz they can't stop telling the other one to stfu.

I FUCKING LOVE IIITTTTT

[alisharoyal]

But god forbid anyone breaking in and trying to touch Rolan's toddler sleeping in their crib or playing on the carpet, and the first thing Rolan would see after running in to check on a child is a dead body, because Shovel doesn't play with his master's kid's life.

[alisharoyal]

i just had that vision of Shovel being the perfect familiar for Rolan

[alisharoyal]

like imagine THESE FREAKS POSTGAME

Shovel to a customer: Why are you spending ur money on paper if you can go buy a knife. I have a knife. Buy it. I DARE YOU TO BUY MY KNIFE, YOU FUCKER! I DOUBLE DARE YOU!!! Rolan, trying to pack the customer's final haul in a basket: For the love of god, CAN YOU STFU?! I'm doing business here! Shovel, frowning: Tf you mean, business? You sell people paper to clean their asses from shit? Shut up. Ass.

And shop is literally going on technicall break cuz they can't stop telling the other one to stfu.

I FUCKING LOVE IIITTTTT

[alisharoyal]

i just had that vision of Shovel being the perfect familiar for Rolan

[colorisbyshe]

bisexuality is beautiful and y'all really do need to stop hiding from it. if you are into multiple genders, you are bisexual.

bi - sexual.

attracted to all genders with no gendered preference? bisexual. attracted to all genders with strong preferences or different preferences to different genders? bisexual. attracted to all genders but like not sexually for anyone? still bisexual. attracted to all genders sexually but not romantically? still bisexual. say it with me--

you are bisexual in a box

you are bisexual with a fox

and you are bisexual in a house

and you are bisexual with a mouse

you are bisexual here and there...

you are bisexual anywhere.

[alisharoyal]

idk why I just felt like Rolan would fucking LOVE idol rhythm arcade games (strongly leaning towards either aikatsu or deresute) DON'T ASK I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I THOUGHT THAT I WON'T EVEN TAG THAT ONE

[probuccalfat]

people will describe their incredibly nebulous sexuality to you that they’ve never been able to define and the whole time you’re thinking that sounds like bisexuality brother

[alisharoyal]

I wonder, if Rolan keeps hiding small snacks and edible little things here and there all the time even after becoming a part of the family, because he's not sure if they really want him enough to keep, so he won't end up starving ever again. If it breaks Cal's heart the moment he finds out. If Lea beats Rolan's ass for accidentally luring the ants or cockroaches with that and cries about him doing that in private.

I wonder, who told Rolan to start journaling in a diary, and how much time it took him to stop hiding it under his robe, too close to his chest, so nobody would read. Did it even help him to ease the harshness of the weight on his shoulders, did it help him with anything at all.

I wonder, was Rolan always that overprotective to his siblings or at some point he just had to become like this, because he couldn't bear the difference between them living their life and him surviving (cuz he didn't know any better at that time).

I wonder, what else made Rolan that vulnerable, that his confidence is more an act than the reasonable pride that is also here, in him.

I wonder so much stuff about this guy, UGH

[alisharoyal]

"aww I didn't know that about someone who's creations I used to like, now I can't consume it the way I used to, I can't unsee that" THANK GODS, because now you see it through the same lens the said person did when made it. AS YOU ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO

[alisharoyal]

lack of knowledge on any creator's views and backgrounds isn't bad per se, but it certainly cuts a lot of nuances and context, hidden under the first layer of everything you consume, out of your comprehension and actively letting you build a bubble of ignorance around your understanding of the world, and I'm gonna die on that hill

[alisharoyal]

"aww I didn't know that about someone who's creations I used to like, now I can't consume it the way I used to, I can't unsee that" THANK GODS, because now you see it through the same lens the said person did when made it. AS YOU ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO

[feluka]

i hate the way fat antagonists have their weight moralized and used as a metaphor for greed and corruption and i hate the way it's overcorrected into fat people being "soft squishy friend-shaped cupcakes who look like they give incredible hugs" and i long for the day we have nuanced, interesting, and complicated fat characters and most of all i long for the day people are normal about fatness

[alisharoyal]

idk if that's a hot or a cold take and genuinely I don't give a shit atp, but insisting on lgbt people "proving" their "queerness" is so fucking stupid and pointless and not even because they don't owe anyone anything to be needed to prove any shit (this is another layered and nuanced topic to have).

but because it gives like you unintentionally expect everyone to hold the same optics and attend the spaces and communities, also assuming that said spaces and communities developed the same way as your locals and providing the level of communication you got used to, while also closing your eyes on the fact that you can't really require that from the people from different regions.

and yeah that mostly applies for states based folks and people from other regions who're letting them push that shit on yall instead of exploring your own communities and saving their history for future lgbt kin of the same region.

upd plus stop acting like everyone is queer. there are lgbt people who actually don't call themselves slurs in any way, political or not, and their identities are still here and valid and political enough as they are. just fucking stop.

[alisharoyal]

idk I used to be much calmer about the fact that I always used to feel disconnected and cut out of the most of the LGBT/queer spaces both offline and online even here on swamps, not because I had no access to them (I had to some), but because I intentionally chose not to join most of them because I actually researched a lot of shit and started developing basic (!!!!) pattern recognition and comprehension skills early enough for them to help me escape those kinds of such spaces that were still based on bigotry.

but like now it feels harder. not only because it's getting worse for us worldwide since everyone else in power started cosplaying vlad's gov in the matter of taking rights away from people. but because for me personally there's no such thing as one specific bigotry's type raising up again, because I can see it still existing when the masses stops caring.

like... there's no such thing as "terfs getting loud again", because I see this shit like the current loud discourses about a couple content creators on tiktok happening even when discourses stops. they're not magically disappearing when the said bigoted creators are shutting up. I spot these kinds of people in every day life even. I literally witnessed a terf ending up on the federal TV as an invited specialist (for the show, that was supposed to help the marginalised women to re-socialise but technically is a typical pro-gov channel's show about throwing already traumatized by patriarchy women under it's hammer once again, mind you). And her being a terf was mentioned in it, which is even more wild cuz it literally happend around the times where radfem rhetoric was planned to be banned too but mostly because swamps gov didn't realise that of all feminists this kind is actually closer to sharing their beliefs and hunger for power and hurting different people than any other.

this shit is literally never ending. and like idk ig I'm getting either tired or nuts or both about the fact that I have to isolate myself from my own community even locally, because I can't fucking trust half of the my own fucking kin here to not leaning towards the oppressors. and I fucking hate that people genuinely think it's not happening all the time.

[alisharoyal]

Not that I see any problem in the boundaries LGBT/queer people set on the matter of who they wanna date and how much inner work done they expect of their future partners. But I'm also interested in the fact if they understand, that the "openly and/or culturally queer" requirement, that some of them have, actually cuts out people that might be compatible and potentially good partners for them too besides those who're obviously not.

[alisharoyal]

Like, I can get that if your dating pool is intentionally made of mostly people from your area, but, if it's not, you might actually and accidentally reject a person, who did the inner work on debunking shit and open with their identity as much as possible safety wise, but haven't socialise the same way and doesn't operate the same optics and terms solely because, yet again, LGBT/queer culture lately tends to stay heavily USA/western-oriented and hugely excludes people from other regions/cultures and their unique gay, bi, trans and non-binary experiences, history of development and terminology while also hugely insisting on adapting western terms.

[alisharoyal]

Not that I see any problem in the boundaries LGBT/queer people set on the matter of who they wanna date and how much inner work done they expect of their future partners. But I'm also interested in the fact if they understand, that the "openly and/or culturally queer" requirement, that some of them have, actually cuts out people that might be compatible and potentially good partners for them too besides those who're obviously not.

[autistichalsin]

Halsin rocking a baby to sleep. You agree. Reblog

[alisharoyal]

Sometimes I wonder if some people's hate or wariness towards Halsin comes from the fact that they never actually had a smart, respectful, mentally healed, emotionally mature and intellectual in both academic and emotional way man in their fucking lives, because... Like, sometimes it gives that ngl. As if some people can't really recognise an actual green flag cuz not that they had a basis for developing this kind of pattern recognition.

[torimtime]

Okay, this is definitely way TMI but romancing Halsin in baldur’s gate was a huge catalyst towards me leaving my last relationship. The fact that he was so kind, patient, respectful, and genuinely committed to our “relationship” just highlighted the fact that my boyfriend at the time was NOT (despite him being a perfectly fine person, he was not a green flag). This was further illustrated by the fact that my boyfriend at the time (BATT) and I were playing through Baldur’s Gate together.

Literally every time we got back to the camp, I would run my happy ass back to my Stay At Camp Nonmonogamous Husband™️ and he would ask about “my” travels and just generally expressed happiness at getting to see me. I couldn’t help but compare it to how lackluster my BATT acted when I got home from doing anything, how utterly uninterested he was in how my day was, and just generally not caring about being involved in my life.

Now, because my BATT basically didn’t really like me as a person and we were NOT friends (something that we both discovered near the end of our relationship), he never really experienced jealousy or insecurity in our relationship. He couldn’t care less if someone else flirted with me or if I flirted with others. But he had BIG FEELINGS about my digital relationship with Halsin and how excited I was to see him/interact with him. The way that man would sulk and pout when I would get giddy about seeing My Man and how exciting it was for me to be asked, “All of nature’s bounty pales next to you. Do you need something?” or “My heart soars just to look upon you. What do you need?”. BATT would mock Halsin and claim that no man would ever act like that in a relationship.

Of course, despite having big feelings, it definitely didn’t change the way BATT interacted with me in any way and I eventually realized that I genuinely just did not want to be in a relationship where my partner wasn’t kind and loving to me. Obviously, there were more things that led to our inevitable breakup but having a man in a video game be kind and loving to me literally changed my entire viewpoint on BATT and I’s basic compatibility.

[alisharoyal]

this was my genuine first reaction after reading this like YASSSS GOOO PAL YOU DESERVE BETTER