Skipping Dinner

[alive-and-dying]

London Calling

I have nowhere else to post this in case it doesn't happen but I own a flat (bought with inheritance from Aunty) and a house (inherited from my Dad) and the flat's mortgage is coming up for renewal.

If I remortgage the flat on a BTL mortgage, I can release £52,000. And if I mortgage the house on a BTL mortgage, I can release £135,000.

I could release £187,000 and actually move to London.

The flat could rent at £1,100 and the house could rent for £1,000. I don't know whether to calculate tax from the rent or from the money I'd actually receive after my costs..., but I could get either £1194 or £770 a month in rent for both properties (depending on how I calculate tax).

So basically, I need to talk to a mortgage and a tax advisor and see how much I could actually borrow and how much I need to pay in stamp duty and how much I need to earn and how much tax I'll need to pay....

[alive-and-dying]

I’m changing my name because I want to finally be myself.

But maybe I’m telling people because I want people to tell me how brave I am, or how amazing it is… I want the recognition I’ve never had.

[alive-and-dying]

You know it’s bad when your first thought in the morning is “I’m so unhappy”.

[alive-and-dying]

I’ve just worked out why I hate my birthday.

It’s the only day I expect people to show they care for me, and they don’t.

It’s 7:56 and only my aunty has wished me a happy birthday. Not any of my siblings, my mum, my girl gang of 6 others…

[anxietyproblem]

[honeypleasejustkillme]

i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower

[saddi3grl]

[alive-and-dying]

My uncle died on Sunday. That’s the 9th person in my life. The 3rd in less than a year.

Fuck. This. Shit.

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[alive-and-dying]

You can think that you're healed, but life can throw you a curveball and you're back fighting temptation to slip back into old ways.

[alive-and-dying]

I am so fucking unhappy

[alive-and-dying]

I’m low, and fucking trauma dumped on colleagues. Fuck me.

[alive-and-dying]

Riiiiight… so a 9 year old is still awake 2 hours later and you think the answer is to “it’s too late to journal you have to go to sleep”. Sure.

Your way hasn’t worked. Her brain is too full and over stimulated. She needs to get it out of her head so she can sleep.

Fuck you.

[alive-and-dying]

I got myself all worked

I got myself all worked up before bed and didn’t bring my journal, so now I’m lying in bed raging at people’s inability to see past their own nose, but continue to call me dramatic and selfish. Sure, Jan.

[alive-and-dying]

I’m already creating scenarios in my mind for when I go back to school. This is why I don’t want to be a teacher any more. I don’t like my brain catastrophising.

[alive-and-dying]

It’s results day, so naturally I’m still awake.

[alive-and-dying]

I think I’m going to die. I have a weird cough thing where my throat closes and it’s so difficult to get my breath, it literally sounds like a death rattle. It even happens when I chug my drink.

But I’m not sick in a way that calls for me to go to the doctors…