Twisting off into the sun, celestial bound.

I am Allison. I am a weirdo. I love art, writing, rock music, animals, nature, outer space, books, honesty, warmth, open minds, and pretty much anything that strikes me as weird or different (in a good way). There's a dark spot in my mind that makes me sad a lot of the time, but art is the light that makes me feel better. I guess that makes me lucky, because art is everywhere. Flickr ^I don't use it anymore, but feel free to look through my pre-college photography.

[allieninspace-blog]

All I want for this 4th of July

is just someone who is not trying to get into my pants to sit in the park across from my house with me, drink wine, have some laughs, and watch the distant fireworks. 

My only real friends here are out of town, or live outside of this shithole of a state. 

The only other people left are thirsty dudes who have been trying to hang with me since I’ve moved back. If I had enough faith that their attitudes wouldn’t sour after making it obvious that I don’t want to fuck or even entertain the possibility of romantic relationships in this town, I would definitely be desperate enough to hit them up. I just want to be surrounded by friends again.

[ellanmwebb2]

Tattoo designs  // Hand sketches

[allieninspace-blog]

Many days

have gone by, and it feels like little changes.

I have no energy. I have such little hope. Human interactions that I either witness or experience that actually make life seem bearable have become few and far between, more than ever before. More often than not, they make my head feel like it’s exploding. I’m so tired of hearing the same shit from everyone, as most conversations feel like playing a broken record that never never stops skipping. Either they don’t understand at all, or if they do, they’re too caught up in their own stories to relate in a way that makes me feel like they understand enough. I guess the same could be said for myself, as this seems to be a perpetual struggle in basic human interaction. 

Unfortunately, the shitty thing about being an empathic (not just empathetic)  person is that I absorb the emotions of others as if they were my own without even trying - sometimes before they even walk into the same room as me. You’d think this could work in my favor if I was surrounded by happier people, but it doesn’t really. I am far more able to differentiate my emotions from the emotions of happier/positive people with ease. With other people stuck with negative emotions like myself, it becomes much more difficult to differentiate and let go. 

Let go, let go, let go. It’s not easy. Happiness is not as much of a choice as everyone thinks it is. Happiness is not a choice - striving for it is, though. I am still striving, but it is hard. So hard. I feel like I’m pushed halfway into the ground, and the feeling makes every attempt to rise again feel fruitless. When I look for help, it is hard to find - and when it’s finally obtained, never enough. All mental health professionals and doctors can do these days (once you are finally able to see them) is recommend experimentation with young psychopharmaceutical drugs that may or may not take the edge off. Therapy is usually just the same shit being said over and over. While it’s just not enough, I don’t know exactly what would be. 

I hate this town and I need to leave. There’s too much shitty energy, and I simply cannot avoid “toxic” people (certain family members I’m stuck living with) and even more toxic memories. Everywhere I turn, people give (usually unsolicited) advice on why I should stay in IL - even after repeatedly telling them that decision could truly be the death of me. Of course, they probably assume I’m being melodramatic - even if I’ve mentioned the state of my mental health. Every suggestion or proposition I am given that involves staying here for any extended amount of time beyond the end of the summer feels like a bullet in my chest, pushing me further into the ground. It makes me feel like the light at the end of the tunnel has disappeared beyond my view, closer to defeat than victory. It makes me want to start planning the end of my days.

I don’t want to die here. This isn’t how I want to go. This cannot be all that my life has consisted of...but I wake up with every day feeling the same. It’s a nightmare relived again and again. My life needs to change for the better, not for the worse. It will not get better if I stay here, and I do not understand why people cannot take my desire to leave seriously. I don’t know how to fight the overpowering inertia without being in this environment full of energy that only prolongs it. I don’t have anywhere else better to live right now, so I’m stuck trying to make the best of it every day, but it doesn’t get better. Please... Universe, God, Allah,  or whoever/whatever else may be pulling the strings of life - help me find a way to get better. Otherwise, I may not have a whole lot longer as things feel more hopeless with every day that passes.

[angel-cine]

Lajja (2001)

[colin-vian]

 Boccioni‬ (1882–1916)  1912

[picturesinboxescomic-deactivate]

[slightly-0ff]

I feel like this happened in every single book

[courtnipie]

The rare, medium, and well-done marshmowls

[random-sedan]

tyrfluffy

[tyrfluffy]

ERMERGERD.

iggleawhl

[dappledwithshadow]

Van Gogh

[sollertias]

The grasshopper by Jules Lefebvre, 1872 (detail)

[oukime]

[tastefullyoffensive]

[madeonstuck-deactivated20140307]

WHY ARENT THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS

LIKE EVERYTHING IS THE SAME AS A KIDS PLAYGROUND

BUT BIGGER

WHY DO WE NOT HAVE THOSE

[geek-in-a-box]

theme parks. just. theme parks.

[samielcastiel]

but u have to pay for theme parks

[victorysunshine-blog-blog]

that’s the adult part

[santhipoma]

son of a bitch

[tpt-moved]

ladies and gentlemen, behold

the St. Louis City Museum:

Playground for adults and children.

They even serve alcohol.

[twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck-dea]

I know where we’re going guys

[archiemcphee]

[segweg]

Milosav Druckmüller is, hands down, the greatest eclipse photographer in the world. Fact.

i literally just teared up this is so amazing and gorgeous and surreal wow

[crafty-licious]

[perhendinancer]

[ratak-monodosico]

Poppies taking over a field in Poland

[delta-breezes]

Jeff Rose

[a-two-second-story]

Marie Antoinette, behind the scenes (2006)