All Words Are Wind

[allwordsarewind]

...But I’m so lonely.

I loved this movie.  I’m so glad I got to end my year with such a fantastic film.  Saoirse Ronan shines in the role of a non-conforming, free spirited woman in a Civil War-era America.  

The movie jumps between the past and present (a seven year gap) and I thought the subtle way the showed the difference was a smart move.  Changes in hair style, and tone, and color palette instead of something conspicuous like dramatic aging make up give the movie a simple feel.  It makes the movie seem more realistic that way.  And I think the reason they’re able to get away with it so well is because before the book was adapted to a movie, it was adapted to a stage play, where there weren’t any fancy special effects.  So the simple look of the movie just works so well for the tone.

I clearly wasn’t alive during the 1860s, so I can’t really speak to the accuracy of the portrayal of women, or society or anything, but the way the story was told made it seem like it was an honest portrayal of sisterly relationships and societal pressure.  I loved the dynamic of the four sisters.  Because of the minimal ageing techniques used, it was at times difficult to tell how old the sisters were supposed to be, that didn’t really matter.  They felt close and they felt young and free and fun.

The movie on the whole was enjoyable.  My favorite part by far was Jo discussing her turmoil with loving another.  Her character is so determined to do just fine on her own.  She wants to be an independent woman in a time where she’s expected to marry and have children and keep house.  And she wants so badly to break away from that... but the world isn’t black white and she finds that she can’t quite abandon the idea of her own family and someone to love and someone to love her.

I’m so sick of people saying love is all a woman is fit for. I’m so sick of it. But I’m so lonely

She doesn’t want to be all about love, but she can’t quite throw it out the window.  And I guess after Beth’s death, she realizes that although her sisters will always be her family, they’re also making families of their own, and while she was rejecting love, her sister’s were looking to settle down.  And she realizes that even though she doesn’t want to be weighed down by the burden of becoming love, she does want love in her life.

I do think her love interest at the end of the movie was a bit shoehorned in at the end.  But as her editor says, people want romance.  They don’t want to go through this journey, only to have the main character end up a spinster.  So we get this kind of awkward guy we barely know as our main character’s love interest.  But I appreciate that they recognized that people don’t wait forever.  That since Jo turned down Teddy, she can’t just have him when it’s convenient for her.

Also, after seeing this, and The Fault in Our Stars, I’ve decided I want Laura Dern to be my mom.

[allwordsarewind]

My Oscar Picks

I haven’t seen nearly all the movies that were nominated, but I’ve seen a decent number of them, so here are my picks for the Oscars this year.  This isn’t necessarily who I think will win, but this is how I would cast my votes if I had any.  I left out some categories that I don’t think I have enough information about to cast even an amateur vote.

Actor in a Leading Role - Joaquin Phoenix

Actor in a Supporting Role - Brad Pitt

Actress in a Leading Role - Saoirse Ronan

Actress in a Supporting Role - Scarlett Johansson

Animated Feature Film - I Lost My Body

Cinematography - 1917

Costume Design - Little Women

Directing - Parasite

International Feature Film - Parasite

Best Picture - Jojo Rabbit

Writing (Adapted Screenplay) - Little Women

Writing (Original Screenplay) - Knives Out

[allwordsarewind]

Show, Don’t Tell

They threw this rule straight out the window while making Little Joe.  I had fairly high hopes for this movie.  But it quickly disappointed me with weird dialogue, little to no character development, and interesting camera choices.  So let’s tackle this bit by bit.

The dialogue was very tell, don’t show.  So many times, characters would say things like, “see how much he’s changed” or, “why are you looking at me like that”, as the only hint to the audience that anything is amiss.  In the hour and forty-five minute run-time, we don’t get enough introduction to the characters to know if their personalities have changed or not.  We don’t know what the person’s expression looks like because the characters face isn’t even visible in this camera shot.

The camera work.  I think this movie did far too much to try to make the cinematography look interesting, while ignoring all the other aspects of a movie.  The film starts with a sickening rotating view of the plant nursery that we later learn is the point of view of the ceiling security camera.  But it’s so excruciatingly slow, and at such an odd angle, it made me feel nauseated to look at.  Or two characters would be at either end of the wide screen, mid dialogue, and the camera would start zooming into the space between the characters.  Both characters still talking, but now, instead of seeing either of their faces, we’re staring at the wallpaper.  It wasn’t even to focus on the plant or something significant to the movie.  Just the home decor.

As stated before, the movie was only an hour and forty five minutes long, but it felt like it dragged on forever.  It didn’t feel like the plot was building to a climax, because the events of the story were practically being narrated to us by the weird dialogue.  I had high hopes for this movie that promised and eerie atmosphere.  I had hoped it would dip into the moral ramifications of a happy plant.  I had hoped it would surprise me with the capabilities of this plant or something.  The only thing surprising about this movie was how bad it was.

The only partially redeeming quality about this movie was the soudtrack... kind of.  The sounds in this movie were awful.  They were these weird screeching, grating, screaming violin-like sounds that, at times, went on for much too long.  It was unnerving to sit there waiting for silence again.  But I consider this a redeeming quality because it’s the only thing that gives this movie any sense of tone.  The unnerving shrieking soundtrack had me somewhat on edge during an otherwise boring film.

Also.  The plant talks at the end.  WTF.

Also, also.  The beginning credits, are a plain, red, sans-serif text that scrolls horizontally across the middle of the screen like some news banner.

[allwordsarewind]

MOVIE BANANZA

I’ve seen a lot of movies these past weeks.  So here’s my quick reactions to them in an attempt to catch up before I watch another movie.

Parasite

I was told to know nothing going into this movie, and I’m glad I went in blind.  I used to be all about movie trailers, watching them over and over to pick apart every minute detail.  Someone I dated in University liked to go in blind for movies.  And sometimes when you date someone for a long time, they become a part of you, and this is a part of him that is a part of me now.  Going into movies blind.  Anyway, it was exciting watching the plot of the movie unravel, and not having a clue as to what was next.  It was very enjoyable.  It was funny and poignant and even at some points, a little scary.  It was fun watching the shenanigans unravel and it was suspenseful when the poor family’s ruse was almost uncovered.  The rich wife was fun to watch and the poor sister was so cleaver she became such a likable character.

Honey Boy

This semi autobiographical movie about Shia LaBeouf (with LaBeouf playing his own father) was very enjoyable.  The movie mainly focuses on a child actor (Otis) and his relationship with his father/manager, while occasionally flashing back to present day when Otis (now a young adult) deals with his alcoholism in rehab.  The main cast of actors (Shia LeBeouf, Lucas Hedges, and Noah Jupe) did an amazing job at portraying the complexities of a father-son relationship.  One review I saw described the movie as cathartic and I couldn’t agree more.  Even though I don’t have a strained relationship with my own father, something about that movie made me feel good leaving the theater.  It felt like I had let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding onto.

Knives Out

This was an incredibly enjoyable movie.  I don’t want to say anything about it because while, I’m glad I went into Parasite blind, it wouldn’t have ruined it if I knew about the plot beforehand.  You don’t want this movie spoiled for you.  Drop what you’re doing and go see it now.  So good.  Can’t recommend enough.  That being said, I do wonder how it would hold up to a re-watch.

Frozen 2

I saw this with my sister and some friends.  It was pretty good i guess.  Just a generally enjoyable children’s movie.  My sister cried three times.  Even though the plot was pretty enjoyable, I’m already over the attempt to popularize the songs the way the first movie did.

I Lost My Body

Although I saw this on Netflix, I’m including it in my amateur movie review because it did have a limited theatrical release before becoming available in Netflix.  The soundtrack of this movie is absolutely wonderful.  The music alone carries the tone of the film from one scene to another.  The plot was compelling and the ending was satisfying, but I think it was a bit rushed getting there.  The film is only about 80 minutes long and I appreciate the filmmakers who didn’t want the plot to drag on, but I would have enjoyed if they expanded on certain plot points of the movie a bit more.  But rule of thumb is to leave them wanting more, so mission accomplished.

Next on the agenda is Little Joe

[allwordsarewind]

You make me feel solid

I’ve been seeing a lot of movies lately, and last night I saw Last Christmas starring Emilia Clarke and Henry Golding.  It’s a cute rom-com and I know it didn’t get great reviews, but I still thoroughly enjoyed it.  It was so refreshing to see Emilia Clarke in a role where she can flex her eyebrow game and really play with a range of emotions.  

I think sites like Metacritc and Rotten tomatoes can be overly critical of less serious movies.  I know that’s their job, but it seems unfair to pit movies like Last Christmas against movies like Joker.  I don’t think anyone went into Last Christmas thinking it would be much more than a heartwarming Christmas movie about two people falling in love.  What more do people want from a rom-com/drama?  Joker, on the other hand, had a specific goal of evoking deep thought and complex characters.  Anyway...

I really enjoyed Last Christmas.  The beginning was a bit haphazard and overuse of jump cuts were distracting during the one on one dialogue, but the ending really tied everything together.  The movie was cute and heartbreaking and it made some very relevant points for today’s world without being in your face about it.  Just small commentary about accepting immigrants into society and needing to derive strength from yourself and not others. But that the best way to use that strength is to help others.  It was a very wholesome movie.

[allwordsarewind]

Stay home today

This phrase seems innocuous enough, but what followed it was absolutely heartbreaking.  Proceed with caution.

Jojo Rabbit is a comedy/drama that takes place during World War II and who could imagine a better setting for a comedy than Nazi Germany?  In all honesty, I loved the way they handled the comedic aspect of this movie.  I was a little skeptical going into a movie advertising laughs, but the film makes quick work of reassuring the audience that the comedy is here and it’s real.

It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a proper English class so I don’t have all the vocabulary to describe the style of comedy, but I loved it.  The best I can describe it is hyperbolic satire.  They take the Nazi vision to the extreme, teaching children how to throw hand grenades and poking fun at the formality of “Heil Hitler”.

There are plenty of movies that do a spectacular job of depicting the horrors surrounding World War II.  This film decided to take a bit of a different approach.  That’s not to say the whole thing was laughs and giggles.  They artfully weaved serious, poignant moments into the lighthearted and joking way characters interacted with each other.  It feels very real in that sense.  Life isn’t separated into perfectly segmented chapters or feelings.  Everything meshes together.  Sometimes something extremely funny can precede tragedy and there’s no clear line where one stops and the other starts.  The movie mixes these two feelings together in such an organic way.

The first moment of real, gripping tension comes when the Gestapo come to search Jojo’s house for a “routine” inspection (Jojo’s mother is helping Elsa, a Jewish girl, by allowing her to live in their wall).  But thanks to quick thinking and intervention from an unexpected ally, Jojo’s secret is kept safe.  And that’s when this blow of a line is delivered.  “Stay home today”.  Captain K advises young Jojo to stay home and look after his family.  At first, the significance of this line is missed.  Maybe he just wants Jojo to take it easy after this close call.  

But young Jojo leaves the house and as he’s walking home he sees a pair of shoes, worn by a woman hanging in the town square.  His mother has been executed for her anti-Nazi views.  And the movie takes a breath and a step away from the comedy and lets the audience grieve with Jojo over the loss of his mother and everything he’s been going through.  Then, angry and frustrated, Jojo goes home to stab Elsa.  But because he’s 10, she gets off with a scratch and we watch her comfort Jojo, and all this happens without a word spoken because there are no words for that kind of grief.  There are no words for this moment.  Stay home today.

The movie brings back some of its comedic aspects and ends on a light note, but the way it gets you there is heartbreaking.  You find yourself lulled into a sense of security by the funny things the characters say, or the funny way they act, and you let your guard down because comedy can’t hurt you, but then it does.

Stay home today

[allwordsarewind]

Our Love: A Black Hole

“Time slows near a black hole.  Inside a black hole, time stops altogether.”

That line is from a poem by Shane Koyczan called Tomatoes.  It’s good.  You should go listen to it.  Later in the poem he writes something along the lines of: inside a black hole is where I want to love you*.  I started thinking about this idea of love and black holes, and love is kind of like a black hole.  Or, at least it is for me.

Our love is a black hole because I can’t escape it.  I fell in towards your gravity and our love turned into a black hole that became my everything.  I was so engulfed I couldn’t escape it, even if I wanted to.  But It’s not inescapable.  You did.  Somehow, you made it out and it’s no longer pulling you back.  You’re free.  But I don’t quite know how you did it.  

So here I am, stuck in this black hole, waiting to see if something stronger will come along and pull me out of it.  But I guess that’s where the metaphor breaks down.  Come to think of it, what happens to black holes?  Do they disappear?  Do they become stars?  I don’t know what happens if, somehow, two black holes were to meet.  I guess I’m not the best at metaphors.  Oh well.

Now that I think of it, this was a missed opportunity for a metaphor in Interstellar.

* The actual quote from the poem is “Inside a black hole is where I wanted to grow tomatoes.” but that quote only makes sense if you’ve read the rest of the poem.  

[shadowaod]

Toby Car in Full 360 motion

28 frames too

enjoy :)

[allwordsarewind]

Controversial Topics

Quick rant post.

I recently became aware that select students at a University were given the opportunity to appear on a television program.  This TV program requested flute and trumpet players, specifically.  So, the band sent a list of students who fit the criteria, but some students on that list were rejected.  Apparently, there was another, unspoken criteria.  Not all the students on the list fit a certain visual ethnicity, and so they were replaced with students of said, ethnicity.  However, these new students didn’t play the flute or the trumpet.  Instead of having these other band members hold their own instruments proudly, the TV program, or the band, or whoever, decided to just give them flutes and trumpets to hold.

So the people who played the instruments on display, couldn’t be a part of the TV program because of their ethnicity.

And the people who fit the ethnicity couldn’t hold their own instruments proudly, because that wasn’t the desired instrument...

I’ve specifically left out details of the ethnicity, because it shouldn’t matter.  White, Black, Brown, Asian, Latino: it shouldn’t matter.  It’s unfair to say someone can’t be a part of something because of their ethnicity no matter what that is.  

[allwordsarewind]

If there’s anything I’ve learned...

while binge watching Criminal Minds is that close up murder is I N T I M A T E.

I saw a lot of trailers for Joker, and I heard people’s reactions to and feelings about the movie, so I couldn’t avoid going in with a bias, so I’m not going to give my play by play reaction.  I will however, rave about the moment when I realized just how good the movie really is.

Often when the hype surrounding a movie gets to a certain point, it manages to cripple the movie.  Expectations are set so high, that the movie ends up disappointing because it couldn’t possibly live up to the praise.  For me, my greatest example is My Neighbor Totoro.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s a really good movie.  But for years, I heard about how wonderful and amazing and beautiful a movie it is.  Totoro is the most heartwarming thing you’ll ever watch.  Totoro will lift you from the darkness and it will solve climate change and world hunger.  So when I finally got around to watching it, I was waiting for some grand, life changing moment and it just didn’t come.  It was a really good movie.  I enjoyed it.  It was wholesome and cute as any Studio Ghibli-Hayao Miyazaki film.  But it couldn’t live up to the cancer curing movie I had learned to expect.

All that is to say, Joker was a really good movie.  The beginning quite grab me like I think it should have (due to the reasons mentioned above).  I was enjoying the movie just fine, it was delivering nicely compared to the hype.  But then something happened.  Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix) breaks.  And I’m not talking about the subway murders.  Those murders didn’t hold any personal weight for Arthur, and although it was definitely overkill, maybe he thought of them loosely as self defense.  It’s a stretch but bear with me.  

Fleck breaks when he realizes his life has been a lie.  Or as he puts it, a comedy.  He learns of his mother’s mental illness and how that eventually led to his own mental health issues.  He kills his mother.  And, the BAU team in my brain screamed at me that suffocation is intimate!  He had to get right up and hold his mother has he took her life.

Right then, that’s when he turns into the Joker.  Painting his face, painting his tongue.  His complete disconnect.  And then, the second intimate murder.  His old clown frienemy Randall comes to visit him, and in a fit, Joker stabs Randall repeatedly.  And, the BAU team in my brain screamed at me that stabbing is intimate!  

And you see this change in Joker so beautifully in the now iconic scene of him descending the staircase in a grandiose dance, completely unhinged and free of burden.

It was a really good movie.  That’s all.

[allwordsarewind]

End of History Illusion

I was watching an old Vsauce video where Michael brings up the end of history illusion.  In a nutshell, people generally believe that their present, is their forever.  That they’re done changing and the person they are now, their likes and dislikes, will all be the same for the rest of their lives.  But clearly that’s not true.  Just think about how you were five or ten years ago, and how drastically different you were then.  Odds are, you’ll be that different in five or ten more years.  Now, I’m only twenty-three so ten years ago I was in middle school... so yeah, the changes are more drastic, but the principle still applies.

I think it’s the same reason we don’t see drastic differences in our appearances when we look in the mirror.  I think we spend too much time with ourselves. We don't notice small little changes because they happen so gradually.  I think I read once that it takes seven years for all the cells in your body to be replaced with new ones. So, you're a whole new you.

This also reminds me of a paradox. This paradox was first explained to me in a VERY HARD TO FIND video by Dan Brown (pogobat).  It’s called the Ship of Theseus.  It’s a thought experiment that raises the question of whether an object that has had all of its components replaced remains fundamentally the same object.  So after the seven years it takes to replace all our cells, are we still us?

But I got a little off topic.  I made this post because the End of History illusion is so comforting to me.  Right now, I’m generally happy, but sometimes I get unreasonably worried that this is it.  It’s probably because, for the first time in a long time, my life is slowing down.  For most of my life, I’ve been a student in the American education system, and with that comes a pretty strict schedule.  Grade K-12 took up most of my life, and then I went straight to a four year college.  My life up until recently has been very preordained.  Go to school, be a student, break in the summer.  A great deal of my life was determined by powers higher than me.  So when I finally got out of college, the End of History illusion hit me hard.  To put it like Jack Nicholson, “what if this is as good as it gets?”

I guess what I’m trying to say is, this likely isn’t as good as it gets.  I don’t think there are really superlatives in life, because it keeps going until it stops.  There’s always potential for things to get better or worse and I guess that’s kind of comforting.

[allwordsarewind]

We’re all we’ve got

This line spoken by Roy McBride, portrayed in by Brad Pitt in the 2019 film Ad Astra, goes with me as I leave the movie theater on a Tuesday night.  The film depicts the previously mentioned as an accomplished astronaut chosen for a classified mission to deep space.  However, Roy,  not chosen for his skill, but his relation to H. Clifford McBride (Tommy Lee Jones), his father.

The movie opens with Roy making repairs to a, what I can only call now, a space ladder, during which a solar surge causes malfunctions on the unit and Roy falls to the earth.  The movie continues to guide us through Roy’s introduction to his mission assignment (contact his father) while giving us a good look at his character.  He’s an effective astronaut, but as it usually happens with career characters in films, this has put a strain on his personal relationship, namely with his wife.

As the movie continues, we learn that while he admires his father, Roy never had a close relationship, as the senior left Earth when Roy was only sixteen.  We also learn that his father, the captain of a mission to Neptune’s orbit has possibly gone rogue, and whose vessel appears to be the cause of the electrical surges.

Roy, along with the audience, comes to learn that during his father’s mission, Clifford McBride’s crew mutinied after being in space for too long and Clifford felt compelled to sacrifice his crew for the sake of the mission, much to McBride’s horror.

He then learns that orders have been given to destroy the vessel, and with it, Clifford McBride.  Roy attempts to board the ship routed for his father’s last known location peacefully, but there is a struggle and the rest of the crew are killed as a result.  It’s here where the viewer is presented with the similarity of what Clifford and Roy both do when the crew opposes their goals.

On the 79 day journey to Neptune’s orbit, Roy experiences isolation like never before, which causes him to reflect on the way he has lived his life on Earth, and causes the viewer to think about the isolation Cliffod’s crew must have felt to want to abandon their mission.

When Roy finally makes contact with his father, the reunion is less than joyous as Clifford tells Roy that he’s never cared for him, and that he hasn’t missed him while in space.  Clifford tells Roy that his work (finding extra terrestrial life) is everything to him.  It’s not until Roy responds later that the view is really hit with, what I think is, the movie’s most powerful message.

“We’re all we’ve got.”

Roy tells his father that “We’re all we’ve got.”  Maybe the we refers to the father and son pair, but I think the we also refers to we as a species.  All there is, is humanity, and you can see it play on Tommy Lee Jones that he’s turned his back on all the people in his life to find something that isn’t there.  Through all his time in space, looking for life, he truly believed he would find life.  But when Roy, his son, tells him that he’s wrong.  That his mission will forever be unaccomplished, the viewer sees this haunt on his face.

Clifford, realizing that even with his son there is no home for him on Earth, decides to submit himself to the vastness of space and drifts away.  Roy, distraught at having found and lost his father in such a short span, contemplates the purpose of continuing on.  As he spins in the vacuum of space, he sees a light in the distance.  Now, I don’t know if this light was his ship or earth, or what.  But like in the Great Gatsby, this light seems to give him a hope, and Roy returns to his space ship and then to earth.

The movie wraps up with Roy reflecting on his life, and seemingly deciding to value his relationships more with the scene ending with him meeting his estranged wife in a cafe.  

I really liked this movie.  It portrayed a complex father-son relationship against an exciting space adventure background.  Another appearance in this movie, although never overtly addressed, was the realistic look at what space exploration would be like in our future.  Commercial trips to the moon with tourist-trap-like commodities (a model of an alien for memorable photos), and turf wars over the moon’s resources (including space pirates!).

The sound cut beautifully from stark silence to startling sound.  Pitt and Jones both portray their characters wonderfully and the cinematography is beautiful.  The pacing was good and there was nothing annoying that stood out and distracted from the movie.  If you wanted to be nit-picky, you could ask how Clifford’s mission could possibly have enough food to last some 27+ years (especially if you’ve seen The Martian), but the movie didn’t want to waste time and bog down the viewer with every scientific detail because that wasn’t the point of the movie.

Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this movie.  I left the theater feeling good about humanity’s oneness which I think is important these days.

[allwordsarewind]

This is a story about a horse.

This guy was going to get his head cut off by some old time-y king, you see.  So he pipes up and tells the king that if he’s given a year he’ll teach the king’s horse to talk.  The king likes this idea for some reason.  Maybe he’s a Mr. Ed fan, I don’t know.  But he gives the guy a year.  And afterwards the guy’s friends say, “Hey, what is this?  You can’t get no horse to talk.”  So the guy says, “Well, I got a year now that’s a long time.  All kinds of things could happen.  Maybe the king will die.  Maybe I’ll die.  Maybe the horse will die.  Or maybe the horse will talk.”

[allwordsarewind]

So I’ve been thinking about happiness

and I can’t quite figure out the words to describe it... so I’m just going to ramble until I either get there or get lost.  So here goes.

The oatmeal has a comic about his view on happiness and I agree with a lot of the sentiment but I’d like to expand on that a bit.  (tl;dr: Happiness isn’t binary, the word happiness implies a state of permanence and our definition of happy isn’t very good, being asked if you’re happy makes you happy makes you think you’re unhappy if the answer is no).

So, what brought me to that comic was actually the thought that I was “happier” when I was in serious relationships than I have ever been single.  But it’s not quite “happy”.  And it doesn’t mean that my life sucks when I’m single, but the feelings I experience are just difference.  And trying to describe them in terms of happiness, I think, lends itself to more of a scale than emotions are.  Which is probably obvious to a lot of people.  I mean, in a lot of depictions, emotions are shown on a wheel, not a line.

So, I’d like to take some time in this space to analyze my various positive emotions while in a relationship and while not in a relationship.

Single:

No pressure - I don’t mean to be this way, but when I’m dating someone I can’t help but do my best to always put their needs before my own.  Or, what I perceive to be their needs.  I only want to do what I think will make them most happy, often times ignoring what I want, and missing what they actually want.  When I’m single, it’s just me.  So I end up doing odd spontaneous things for just me, because there’s no one around who might be disappointed by my decisions.  I rambled a bit there, but the positive to come out of this is general freedom to do whatever without putting pressure on myself to make others happy.

Time to focus on friends - I’m so clingy when I’m in a relationship that I tend to neglect friendships.  I can get everything (I think) I want from one person, who wants to spend time with me.  So I’m going to put my effort into seeing that one person.  When I’m single, I make myself stay connected to my long fast friends.

Time in general - All of my day belongs to me.  I don’t fall as behind on chores and whatnot because I have 100% of my time to do them.  And I choose how much time I can spend on chores, or at the gym, or just watching TV.  My living space does get noticeably more hectic when I’m in a relationship because the time I trade for time with my S/O is usually general upkeep time.

Relationships:

I feel safe - It’s not that I feel unsafe when I’m single, but when I’ve found someone who I love, and who loves me back there’s a great feeling of safety and warmth.  A feeling that I can breathe easy knowing that someone is there for me.  Even when I’m having me time, it’s so reassuring I have someone to go home to.  Love really does feel like home to me.  A place where I can just be content and I don’t need to be thinking about anything.  I can let go and everything will be alright.  I can let my thoughts wander.

Having someone to tell everything - This sort of piggy backs off the last part, but I like knowing that I could tell someone everything, and that they’ll listen and that they’re happy to hear from me.  Random thoughts about the news or a book I’m reading or just whatever weirdness my mind cooks up.  I like knowing that there’s someone who will be happy to hear me be enthusiastic about some event or another that’s going on in my life.

Reliability - I like having a go-to person.  If I don’t want to do things alone, there is someone who should want to be in my company.  Like if I see an event and I don’t want to go alone, or go to the movies, or do special things.

[fuckyeahkoyczan]

I am this boy who hears the closeness of the words worrier and warrior all the while knowing it’s you who have made me both of those things.

Excerpt from “Being This” by Shane Koyczan, in A Bruise On Light. (via fuckyeahkoyczan)

[getupj0hnnyboy]

And what I said was “I’ll miss you”, what I meant to say was “I love you”. What I wanted to say was that I meant what I said; I miss you like I miss my own bed after too many nights of sleeping on couches or hardwood floors or sitting silently behind the doors of hotel rooms that became wombs breathing life into this loneliness. I miss you, like a burn victim must miss their own skin. I miss you like a sad ending must miss someplace new to begin.

Shane Koyczan (via igots0ulbutimnotasoldier)

[coral]

And as for romance? Well, I want that too. I want to fall asleep next to you, 100 times a night, so I can know you 100 times better before we hit the day light. And despite all of this, I also want amnesia so I can relive each kiss with a perfect newness that leaves me smashed in the arms of rapture. I want the sky to fracture under the impossible weight of an apology because I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I want so much. I’m sorry that I’m using “I’m sorry” as a crutch to lean on for so long but if you sing me that song of sweet logic again then I promise to make the effort to stand on my own. There is a reason that our hearts are more like a muscle and less like a bone. I’ve known so many people who’ve have grown up flexing in front of mirrors and falling for their own reflection as if that’s adequate but that’s bullshit. Because we only get now until the time we go and if they’ve only got time to love themselves then nobody is going to be around to hear the sound of their heartbeat echo. So lady, don’t expect an apology when I tell you I’m only held together by a heart that pumps blue, it’s the strongest muscle in my body and I’m flexing it for you.

Shane Koyczan (via feellng)