98 Degrees Sold Us Infidelity as Romance & I’m Upset
Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by 98 Degrees.
Raises hand Raises hand
I have been #blessed with a free trial of XM Radio that I have used to listen exclusively to 90s on 9 and Aughts on 10 for the last (mumbles embarrassing amount of time). While it has been the most enjoyable part of my commute every day, this quality time spent with beloved jams has pried my eyes open to some startling lyrical cues I missed as an over-sheltered child.
Some realizations have been gentle – remembering that at 11-years-old, I didn’t know “Too Close” by Next was about a boner, though I do now…I definitely do now. But I certainly did not when it played at school dances or when I sang it in the car to my mom. Others have left me quietly questioning, like when I listened, really listened to the lyrics of Backstreet Boys’ power ballad, “As Long As You Love Me” only to discover it was not the sweet profession of unconditional love I once assumed, but instead, the thirsty plea of a lonely man who doesn’t care literally at all what his woman is about or has done as long as she will love him (the official wedding song for every couple on Married at First Sight). And still some forced me to take a good, hard look at the power of diction. My boss and I recently had a lengthy debate, that captured the attention of the entire office and escalated to Instagram, over the protagonist of Ace of Base’s “All That She Wants.” Is the “baby” she craves another lover? Or an actual baby? (A workplace divided until someone responded to my Instagram poll that it is moot because one of the members of Ace of Base was a Nazi. Forced perspective.) At one point, I even tweeted Craig David #SevenTweetsForSevenDays to question whether “we chilled on Sunday” meant, as I originally thought, they took a break from each other because they had been together all week, or as I have come to associate with Netflix, they hung out at home relaxing together. He hasn’t answered me yet, though it is unclear what he’s so busy with.
But perhaps the most upsetting awakening to date came March 12, 2019 on my way to work when I paid (some would argue too-) close attention to the lyrics of “The Hardest Thing” by 98 Degrees. This song was sold to us – impressionable preteens – as a romance ballad, a lover’s tribute. We sang the lyrics to our mirrors and slow-danced at bar-mitzvahs thinking the way the song switched between “you” and “she” was simply the poor grammar of young or lazy artists. We empathized with the hero who selflessly pushed his one true love away to protect her – from what we didn’t know nor care – lying that his feelings had changed as the only way to get her to leave for her sake.
AND YET, what I queried that day (and an Insta poll and Wikipedia confirmed to be true) is that this song is actually the very selfish bemoaning of a trash human who pushed his side piece away because his “hands are tied” by a girlfriend who “loves [him] / And trusts [him] fast asleep.” Jaw drop.
The protagonist, and in my brain by default each member of 98 Degrees, doesn’t even leave the mistress because he loves his girlfriend and realizes the error of his ways, but merely because that poor gf had “been good to [him].” Another needy boyband tune about loving the one you’re with.
PSA: you don’t have to stay with someone just because they’re nice to you; part ways and you can both be happy.
Repeatedly throughout the song, we are told of this man’s agony, having to falsely profess to The Other Woman that he doesn’t love her anymore so she’ll walk away…because apparently having a girlfriend isn’t reason enough. And we’re supposed to feel sorry for them? The only party in this trio that has my allegiance is the asleep-at-home girlfriend, who, he says himself, deserves better than this. It is also important at this point to acknowledge that if you’ve fully fallen in love outside your relationship, the affair has been going on too long and you need to take some time with yourself and think about what you’ve done.
I am overwhelmed by the fact that I, as a young girl, was brainwashed to believe that this is romance. That when the protagonist has no words left but the overused “got to be cruel to be kind,” we were being manipulated into believing this is some selfless grand gesture. When in fact, it is the bare minimum righting of a ship he himself wronged in the first place.
I am left with a thousand questions, not least of which: was this song about Jessica Simpson?
XM Radio has forced me to reconsider so much music and, without being dramatic, pretty much everything I know to be true about my childhood. Sitting in the car lamenting the enlightenment I am putting myself through, “The Call” by Backstreet Boys immediately comes to mind. I will be doing a close reading (thanks English degree) soon.















