We’re Fine

hi i dont have any friends for a reason

[smithsonian-official]

i ADORE the anomitinity of tumblr. when i post stupid ass shit from my mush brain on like snapchat or whatever i gotta deal with messages like “are you okay?” and “what does this even mean”. here i can just post 30 pictures of dinosaurs in a row and my followers will be like YEEEEEAAAA BABBY

[smithsonian-official]

the other day i posted something on snapchat saying “if we gave monkeys guns i think deforestation would end” and someone sent me a link to an online therapy site i hate it here

[watcherscrown]

i know this really isn't the point but i'm loving the attempt at spelling anonymity

[homunculus-argument]

Imagine an alien sharing a cool human fact they just learned like ”hey guys did you know that the silvery markings on humans actually aren’t true stripes? They’re called stretch marks, they happen when the human is growing fast enough to actually outgrow their skin, which is apparently something that just fucking happens to almost all of them at some point of their life.”

and another one is like ”wait so you’re saying humans don’t have stripes.”

”actually they do, but the stripes are invisible. There’s genetic code that’d give them stripes but they’re just the same colour as the rest of the skin. So the visible stripes are not real stripes and the real stripes are invisible.”

”I swear if you tell me one more weird human thing today I’m beating your ass.”

[thantos1991]

The human in the room looks up and goes "Wait I have stripes?"

[cosmicbumfights]

"what do you mean cats can see them, but I can't?"

[messiambrandybuck]

what do you fucking mean cats can see them

[beenovel]

I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THOUGHT PROCESS

MY CAT THINKS I HAVE STRIPES?!?!?!?

[messiambrandybuck]

NO NO ITS NOT "IT THINKS I HAVE THEM"

BECAUSE WE DO APPARENTLY

SO ITS ACTUALLY A VERY DISTRESSED "MY CAT THINKS I KNOW I HAVE STRIPES?!?!?!"

AND I THINK THATS A BIT WORSE TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST

[beenovel]

MY CAT KNEW I HAD STRIPES BEFORE I DID?!?!?!?!?!?

[messiambrandybuck]

I DIDNT THINK OF THAT

[beenovel]

WELL I DID AND NOW I CANT UNTHINK IT

[blueberryrock]

@beenovel @messiambrandybuck these are the variants

[beenovel]

WHAT

[messiambrandybuck]

apparently there's a disease where they become visable, and these are the most common kind??

Ngl it looks cool but???? I'm still in shock tbh

[hachama]

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT PATTERN OF STRIPES I HAVE AND THE CATS WON'T TELL ME

[yupokaysuremhm]

I COULD HAVE A CHECKERBOARD ON MY BACK AND NO ONE WOULD KNOW???

[sinestrocas]

[demonoflight]

They’re called Blaschko's lines!!!

[injuries-in-dust]

The reverse can also be true ... kinda.

I remember reading somehwre the human eye can see more shades of green than any other colour. I just googled it and the human eye can see 10 Million different shades of green.

So human could see stripes and patterns on, say, a reptillian race who maybe can’t see as many colours as we do, and think they’re just one boring shade of green.

Human: We have stripes?! I wish I could see them. I hope they look like yours.

Reptile Alien: Wait, I HAVE STRIPES!

*mutual excitement all around*

[blrmerch]

Neon Pink Shoelaces $12.00

For you, Mr. President.

Laces are 58 inches long. 85% polyester and 15% cotton.

[piraticoctopus]

Visit Original Link

I went ahead and just made it

[sweetanyways]

fun words :

bastard

scoundrel

charlatan

harlot

rapscallion

hooligan

ruffian

swindler

[princesskuragina]

Cute gender neutral things to call your partner

[guerrillatech]

[stoneylogie]

We love to hear an update tho!!!!

[odinsblog]

This article is dated September 5, 2021

GREAT JOB, KARMA!!

Neo-Nazi Richard Spencer, Who Went Viral For Getting Punched in the Face, Is Now Divorced, Broke, and Getting Booed Out of Restaurants

Schadenfreude is a German word meaning “joy from sorrow” — usually used in the context of enjoying someone else’s pain — and a New York Time

#PunchNazis, a handy decision tree:

[valtsv]

to the casual observer it may look like i'm trying to summon a demon but anyone who knows me will realize that i am simply calling my wife

[underneath-the-skin]

The wife and the demon are the same person

[valtsv]

[an-anxious-gay-mess]

The fact that these replies would mean wildly different thing had they been said on a different platform, such as Facebook, is absolutely hilarious

[valtsv]

[sawnik]

me before getting to the end of this post

[utopians]

It feels like deeply maladaptive that the human body's response to intense hunger is to feel nauseous. Like what was the goal there

[wlwriot]

Today I called a girl homophobic as a joke and she almost started crying

[wlwriot]

She said “my neighbors are a lesbian couple! I’m the least homophobic person you’ll ever meet”

[wlwriot]

I said “Kelsea I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings but I need you to know that homophobic people can have lesbian neighbors” and she just got even more distraught and said “I’ve been inside their house and I wasn’t even afraid or anything”

AFRAID OF WHAT??

[boopednose]

She entered the Home of Phobia and wasn’t even scared

[butchbellaswan]

dark hozier take me to hell

[chlobat]

Chaotic neutral hozier take me to lunch

[frightfulmouse]

lawful evil hozier take me to court

[rafikecoyote]

[postingmachine9000]

Reminder that Jason Isaacs wore less medals on his chest than Zhukov did IRL because they all thought the audience wouldn’t find it plausible for a man to be wearing that many medals

[coloradoqueen]

For reference.

[salparadisewasright-deactivated]

[fishingisuniversal]

Is…is that what we’re choosing to focus on?

[scientificsatellite-deactivated]

we took a field trip to the art museum today and this guy looks just like me when somebody barges into my room while im drawing

[thelouisfanclub]

busted for drawing nipples

[justcatposts]

Love, Hugs, Peace. 

(Source)

[suits-of-woe]

i don’t have a tumblr but i made this cursed uquiz for my irl friends and had to spread it to shakestumblr somehow… enjoy? uquiz. com/kc1aYU (also your blog is cool! lovely work you’ve done here)

everybody loves shakespeare… but which boy from shakespeare loves YOU?

anon this quiz is cancelled for giving me HAMLET of all people /j thanks for sharing!!

[animals-are-other-nations]

[dalmonite]

“These are my children.”

“They look nothing li—”

“LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY ARE.”

[daysofstorm]

for some reason I really like that she’s called Hilda.

[roddaprime]

This happened on my grandmothers farm when my mom was little,

baby ducks act a lot like baby chickens so in the beginning it wasn’t so bad

the main problem is that baby ducks  LOVE water, but baby chickens get very very dead from it,

so you can imagine the mother hens surprise and horror the first time they go by the farm pond and ALL THE BABIES RUN TO THE WATER AND JUMP IN

my grandmother had to come out of the house to investigate all the noise the hen was making

The mother hen was clucking and screeching in distress and running circles around the pond while the duckies were having the time of their lives.

This happened a few more times before Momma hen was like FUCK IT YOU WANNA SWIM SEE WHAT I CARE , and would sit a distance away watching them in the pond.

if the ducks ever abandoned any eggs my grandmother would always put it under that particular hens nest cause from then on she always knew how to deal with her “water loving” delinquent children

[gokuma]

BEST ADOPTED MUM

[advanced-procrastination]

“Half my children are fucking idiots but they’re my children and i love them”

[whatacompletebastard]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[the-only-useful-lesbian]

I do not remember liking this, but clearly past me has good taste

[fangirltofangod]

I’m experiencing such joy thinking about how excited youd get when you hear the sound of hooves coming down your street - it’s the post!! It’s coming!!

Like an icecream truck response but for mail

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

“I do declare, I have me here a parcel for ya.”