The Untamed, as seen by Lan Qiren, who is more than happy to blame Wei Wuxian for everything
Here’s the situation, and this is exactly what happened, is: there’s a demonic cultivator loose in Cloud Recesses. I think eventually everything’s going to be okay, but I have no idea what’s going to happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your masters, because there’s a demonic cultivator loose in Cloud Recesses. It’s never happened before, no one knows what the demonic cultivator is going to do next, least of all the demonic cultivator! He’s never been a demonic cultivator before, he’s as confused as you are. There’s no experts. They try to find experts in Jin Clan. They’re like, “We’re joined now by a man that once saw a corpse in the port.” Get out of here with that shit! We’ve all seen a corpse in the port. This is a demonic cultivator loose in Cloud Recesses!
When a demonic cultivator is loose in Cloud Recesses, you got to stay updated. So all day long you walk around, “What’d the demonic cultivator do?” The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. It’ll be like, “The demonic cultivator caught some fish?” I didn’t know he knew how to do that.
The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the demonic cultivator at all. You’re down in the library like, “Hey, has anyone…has anyone heard–” [imitates flute music] Those are those quiet days when people are like, “It looks like the demonic cultivator has finally calmed down.” And then ten seconds later the demonic cultivator is like, “I’m gonna use resentment energy to combat vengeful spirits. I’ve got a nice flute and a sharp sword, I’m a demonic cultivator!” That’s what I thought you’d say, you dumb fucking demonic cultivator.
And then, then you drink tea with people and they’re like, “There shouldn’t be a demonic cultivator in Cloud Recesses.” And it’s like, “We’re well past that.” Then other people are like, “If there’s gonna be a demonic cultivator in Cloud Recesses, I’m going to kidnap the heirs to all the clans and kill everyone who doesn’t cooperate.” And those don’t match up at all.
And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the demonic cultivator, and then, 5,000 miles away, Wen Ruohan was like, “I have three pieces of the Yin Iron and I’m going to send my son to blow up Lotus Pier!” And before we could say anything, the demonic cultivator was like, “If you even fucking look at Lotus Pier, I will pipe your son to death with my flute. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can pipe your son to death with my flute, I’m so fucking crazy.”
“You think you’re fucking crazy, I’m a fucking Wen, I live in fucking Nightless City, I’m fucking crazy.”
And all of us are like, “Okay, okay, okay.” Like poor Jiang Yanli at those goddamn family reunions. “Okay, okay, okay, okay.”
And then, for a second, we were like, “Maybe the Second Young Master will catch the demonic cultivator.”
And then the demonic cultivator is like, “I have married the Second Young Master.”
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