imagine you’re a man ALONE in SPACE and your best friend is an ALIEN and you look like RYAN GOSLING and suddenly your ALIEN BUDDY who looks like a ROCK so you called him ROCKY tells you there is a HUMAN covered in BLOOD and you break into his SUBMARINE that he was WELDED INTO and you find that the ONLY OTHER HUMAN FOR THOUSANDS OF LIGHT YEARS is the youtuber MARKIPLIER
Barbie movies should still be doing Barbie playing the main character in classic tales. The fact that I won’t get Barbie playing Captain Ahab in Moby Dick with a hot pink peg leg is a tragedy.
okay so, guy at work, who i find out afterwards is famous at this place for being a sex pest, comes up and starts with what i also learn is his favorite opener to conversations where he’s going to be a sex pest, namely: “Do you know where the term ‘blow job’ comes from?”
and here he made his first fatal error. his moment of hubristic sex pesting. because of course i know where the term blow job comes from, i love learning about sex and the history of sexual terms! i know so much about oral sex that i could write a book on it!
his second error: approaching a little autistic freak with what he intended to be an uncomfortable sex question that would make me feel weird and gross. Friends, Romans, Countrymen, I Have Never Misjudged A Man’s Intentions So Incredibly In My Life. because i did not realize he was trying to harass me. because i love talking about sex facts, albeit not usually at work. unless. someone prompts me. my coworkers are the kind of people who are generally online enough to know terms, but not exactly what they mean, and they realized they could ask me a while back and get good answers without the resulting awkwardness because i do not experience shame. i am primed to answer questions like the one he has proposed.
So I Answered It.
and well, really, what happened is that I began answering it, then realized the answer required a bit more context. I mean, you can’t just say “oh, well, the term first appears in writing in the 1940s” without first explaining that ‘blow’ by itself already had sexual connotations for centuries, and then, really, are we talking about the origin of the term or the origin of the act. and well we have a ton of literature and art depicting fellatio throughout human history, did you know a lot of it was men performing it on other men? oh, that reminds me, there are a multitude of latin words for oral sex performed on penises, and hold on let me quote you the entirety of catullus 16 from memory and explain it’s fascinating insights into the roman world of homosexuality-
i do not know how to turn any of this ^ off, by the way. i’m sure some people out there have a switch that disables their infodumping mid-speech. i do not. and i also didn’t realize he wasn’t looking for a real answer until my other coworker explained so hours later. he could not excuse himself from the conversation he started, and i made a conservative man at least 30 years older than me to listen to my catullus recitation. i will sodomize and facefuck you, indeed.
anyway, i think i got a bad grade in being sexually harassed. my pro tip is maybe don’t start with what a very autistic individual will misconstrue as you earnestly asking them to explain sex to you. the special interest shield will cause splashback damage.
my dad thinks the concept of shipping is hilarious. my parents are cool, they know about my online presence, it's fine. dad doesn't scroll my blog or anything, though--he's usually too busy watching dubiously homoerotic pro wrestling clips or playing valheim--so his idea of shipping culture is bizarre
damn near every time I mention im working on a fic or piece of fanart, he gasps in hopeful anticipation and asks "tamatoa and heihei?!" and he always acts bitterly disappointed
no, dad. i'm not writing or drawing anything where a 50 foot crab and a literal chicken have any kind of relationship at all. you've been asking me to make this ship happen for almost nine years now and the answer has always been no. it's a running gag, of course, but--why would you even think of that?! what kind of shit do you think happens on ao3?!
he immediately wore it in public to run errands btw. and gave his express permission for me to post that pic of him. in fact here's the exact text exchange with my mom, lest anyone think im doing unsanctioned dadposting
Looking back on 2020, I think it's hilarious that Wellerman of all shanties is the one that blew up online. It's not a song about life on the high seas or adventuring
Forever grateful that Suzanne Collins wrote TBOSAS in third person because 99% percent of Coriolanus' inner monologue is some variation of "Kicking puppies seems to be disliked by the districts, which is weird because it's second nature to everyone here in the Capitol. I am not like other Capitol boys, but I also refuse to expand my perspective, which limits my empathy, enclosing me into a vicious cycle of ignorance which will turn violent once mixed in with my ambitious nature. I love (dehumanizing and objectifying) my girlfriend. "
I love trying to see posts about the book I literally just finished but instead the book title tags are filled only with posts about the next book that I haven’t started yet
I wanted to see analysis of the main character and how his misunderstanding of people shaped his fucked up worldview but instead I only see posts about the next main character being romantic or a petty mother fucker with no relation to the PREVIOUS BOOK AT ALL
prguitarman
dededos
dailybridgerton
kianamaiart
2087
turnnoffyourmind
tangentwithtanner
