tbh I kind of have toĀ agree. See also: every time he applies for the DADA position, knowing as everyone does that nobody'sĀ had the job for more than a yearĀ for decades (and many suffering a rather dire fate).Ā
I donāt think Snape had any real shred of self-esteem or self-worth outside of his āusefulnessā (and I think Dumbledore cottoned onto that very quickly, or maybe just had an intuitive understanding of what itās like to live with crushing guilt and self-hatred and recognized it in SnapeĀ - āwhat use would that be to anyone?ā is what he saysĀ in response to Snape expressingĀ a desireĀ to die after Lilyās death).
So Snape basically hitched his wagon in its entirely to this idea of fighting for a cause outside himself - first as a Death Eater in Voldemortās service, trying to elevate himself out ofĀ his weaknessĀ and vulnerability, and out of theĀ social & economic gutter heād beenĀ born into, to make himself into something with worth, and that hope turned to dust pretty quickly Iād imagine, once he realized he was little more than a servant.
ThenĀ he wanted to save Lily (a woman who had not spoken to him in years, but as children,Ā was the only one who hadĀ treated him kindly), and when that failed, heĀ dedicated himself to preservingĀ what was left of Lilyās blood on Earth (Harry) - because he had no other motivation whatsoever. I donāt think he ever viewed his life as having a value on its own.
He was basically viewed as garbage his entire life - by his father first and foremost, and then as a half-blood inĀ the 1970ās Slytherin i.e. The House of Pureblood Superiority (something that changed after the war but at that time, letās be honest - thatās what it was) and held in suspicion if not outright loathing by those outside of Slytherin.
Is it any surprise if he internalized all of this? I donāt think anyone hated Snape as much as Snape hated Snape, . And plenty of people hated himĀ - he certainly wasnāt shy about giving plenty of people plenty of reasons to hate him, creating a sort of self-fulfilling cycle, thus confirming to him that he was nothing but contemptible and worthless.
Of course he was also prideful in some ways (about his abilities mostly - again, tying everything to āusefulnessā), but I donāt think he ever got to the point of feeling he had anyĀ inherent value as a human being.
(Iām oddlyĀ reminded of Mr. Nutt the orc, in Discworldās āUnseen Academicalsā constantly asking those around him, āDo I have worth?ā every time he does something useful,Ā and desperately trying to āearnā throughĀ acts & deedsĀ his right to just beĀ alive.)
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