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Something had shifted in Alex recently. He found himself staying out later, going to parties that he'd lost interest in long ago, essentially anything to avoid going back to increasingly suffocating hotel rooms. He wasn't entirely sure if it was the lifestyle of life on the road that he was growing weary of - or the person he was sharing it with. The more he pulled away, the harder Louise tried. If it wasn't coming to all of his shows, it was arranging 'girl dates' with his band mates wives, calling his mother for catch ups that consisted of a lot of vapid small talk, or even posting him on social media more and more - that she knew he hated - as if she had something to prove. It all would've been endearing, if it didn't feel so claustrophobic.
Just the other night, he'd been out in Glasgow after the show, which was rare enough in itself, when he'd caught a man smiling over the bar at him. But that wasn't unusual. He'd grown used to the all knowing smile that said "I know who you are" - what was more unusual was his bodies response to it. For the first time in a long time, instead of dreading the common request for a selfie, he had sort of wanted the man to come over. But he never did. That alone was enough to make him pull the "not tonight, darling, I've got a bangin' headache" excuse out the bag when in bed with his girlfriend later that night.
Once again, he found himself back on home soil, doing anything to keep himself occupied. He wasn't sure whether it was his prior conversation with Mike that had brought him to see Brokeback Mountain, or the sheer coincidence that he had walked past a large poster announcing the show on the side of it's theatre. Whatever the case, it was a decision that had left him in near-tears. Whether it was the intimacy of the performance, or how true some of the moments had rang, Alex knew he had to commend the man who had brought him here.
Throughout the entirety of the show, his eyes gravitated towards Mike - whom was playing the bolder character, who was evidently more in touch with himself than the other - and he was reminded of Miles. He remembered precisely the moment his best friend had burst into his life, in the very early days of The Little Flames. Every body harboured a crush on the band's female vocalist, but Alex had gravitated naturally towards the man who would have a massive impact on his life. He was a much better guitar player than him at the time, and once Miles had begun to help him improve with lessons down at the local park, they fancied themselves as the next Lennon and McCartney. Even went as far as donning matching Beatle-esque hair styles. It wasn't until years later that Miles had put their friendship on the line on some random Tuesday night. Alex could remember it vividly. He'd told Miles about his plans to move an ocean away with Alexa - things had started to get more serious than he'd ever anticipated - and Miles' response had been to lay a kiss on him. A kiss that he could never quite put his finger on. Had it stirred up so many emotions within him because it had tested his very real love for Alexa? Or because that love would always be shared with his best friend?
Over the coming years, a lot of casual kisses followed - each one more daring and exciting than the last. They'd pose it as just dicking around on stage, though what they followed it with some nights was far from playing up just for the sake of the crowd. Once it had moved into private quarters, Alex was no longer certain if he was straight, bi, or only had feelings for one man. And he would never speak on it. Even now, he hadn't told anyone about his history with Miles - though he had a feeling those closest to him had always known. After all, how could they not?
"One heck of a show, that". After the last of the remaining stragglers at stage door had dispersed, Alex had waited until Mike was within ear shot to catch him before he made his way home for the night. "You fancy a beer?" @mikeefaist