a l y s s a

35 // sydney // suck it and see or get the hell out ♡ my writing: @alyssasimonewilmott

[atrusovaartist]

acrylic, canvas 50*60 cm «sunny gold» 2024

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.🌻

[alyssaismissing]

a year of my life

i’ve spent a year of my life waiting for you to pull out the knife i’ve spent a year of my life loving you you’ve made a fool out of me pretending nothing mattered and i’m sick of it

[alyssasimonewilmott]

cuspids

my jaw hurts from clenching down so hard my teeth could break blood pissing from my mouth purging the very thought of you and i'd cut off my smile to spite your face if it meant you never saw it because it wasn't yours to take hell-damned, scoundrel in the night ASW // june 2026

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and suddenly it’s no longer just for you anymore.

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when i woke up today someone decided to send me a little gift simply to make me smile.

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it was my dad's birthday yesterday. i cut him from my life a few months ago. i still thought about messaging him, but i didn't. my birthday will roll around next month and i know my own dad wouldn't reach out to me. try to mend anything. apologize for anything.

[alyssasimonewilmott]

i think of you in colours that don't exist

seeds of doubt once fed the bittersweet of winter beneath a place we longed to be

spring came and the ground thawed suddenly poems bloomed and words meant something again

it felt safe to plant roots sunflowers rose to face dawn we swore by the cosmos and called one another home

summer solstice filled the air the framework of our existence quenching an epicurean thirst discovering a secret language by the dusk

fall flooded the gutters and drains tripping over the ivy we once grew together slowly being strangled by fear ripping at chicory we thought were weeds

when the fog settles and the ground seems barren there we'll be despite it all love still lives here

you and i are tethered until we are together dandelions won't grow and wishes go to waste

we'll be as old as birch trees at the top of a hill surrounded by leaves your hand in mine ASW // may 2026

[alyssasimonewilmott]

birch tree

we used to play on who loved who more and you swore it was you that was the hill you would die on i died on that hill alone ASW // june 2026

[astriloquum]

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the last 2 weeks have been horrific. thinking that i’d dealt with and almost moved on since i broke up with him february 8th this year and suddenly all of it smacked me in the face. i had been holding on subconsciously. sitting alone in the discord server we created filled with proof of what i thought was our love, re-reading old messages and wondering how this happened, looking at photos of the scrapbook i made him for our one year and holding the few things he sent me.

i keep flicking between anger and feeling soft, i hope a week from now, a month from now he’s out of my system. not because i long to be with him anymore, i don’t. his cruelty and callousness knocked that out of me. out of my system in the way i’m not mourning a life i thought may have been mine. that life was never mine and i know what role he had me play for him now. he goes around picking up girls on tumblr, filling their head with poems, reeling them in with charisma that’s only half-true and then spits them back out without a second thought; and i fell for it.

i deleted the server, i’ve thrown out the stuff he sent me (my sister bagged it up for me, took it out to the garbage bin and then spat on it), i’m slowly deleting photos, and when i am able to i’ll delete the conversations.

the moment you were cruel to me on the phone when i needed comfort is seared into my mind and with that final message of “fuck off” from you, being blocked and blocking you in return i felt a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. my family, my friends, people you’ve hurt before, we all think you’re a narcissistic sociopath. you use people.

i might be a lesser version of myself right now, but i’ll get better. you’ll always be you. and isn’t that just something?

[alyssasimonewilmott]

mind the fucking rip.

you'll find me in everything around you and on you and you'll reach out to me but not because you miss me but because i'm the only one who could hold you when you implode into your true form and it'll happen again i'd bet my life on it that mask you think you wear so well? it'll fall to the floor soon and when it does i hope you feel the despair you left me in i hope your arms fall off and your chest caves in i hope your blood boils and your skin doesn't fit you anymore i hope you can't sleep, can't eat i hope pus comes out of your eyes and you turn septic i hope you feel yourself rotting i hope the decayed corpse of us makes you wretch and vomit and when it does i won't be there it won't even scratch the surface of what you did to me ASW // june 2026

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kuka minä olen?

i haven't visited in a while god, how i've missed it i can feel her holding my hand inviting me in to her ruthless arms

you see for me music and sex and drugs and rum go hand in mouth so bind the hands that don't want to know any better

i'm so fucking talented at being what you want i'd kneel on heavy words, bleed for you i'd arch my back, face down for you i don't need pretty whispers to be a soaking mess for you i can be less if you need, i turn into hues of pink and purple if you knead a slut like me is always ready to perform, reform for you throw myself around the room over you, lay still under you flirt with a double-edged sword, carve a way for you flood my arms with tears, settle the score for you nameless and shameless for you write four-letter words across my tits for you douse myself in kerosene, burn it all down for you W H O A M I ? B I N A R Y I N D U C E D C H A O S

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meeting Rupi Kaur 🌻

(yes, these came up in my facebook memories)

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my little brother Blayn, myself and J seeing Maggie Rogers at Enmore Theatre 27/5/2019 ✨

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my sister and her partner surprising me with Frankie at the airport when i came home after spending 5 weeks away in new york, august 2022

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and we were lovers now we can't be friends fascination ends here we go again 'cause it's cold outside when you coming home? 'cause it's hot inside isn't that enough?

i'm not in love i'm not in love i'm not in love i'm not in love we are not in love we are not in love we are not in love we are not in love we are not in love

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it was real for me it was real for me it was real for me it was real for me it was real for me

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a little ditty 🌻