My life is a swirling vortex of chaos @amberisnotcoolio - Tumblr Blog

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

koiagain

fladurblegon

“What if poor people abuse the system?”

The system intrinsically abuses poor people.

Hope this helps.

breninarthur

"What if poor people abuse the system?"

Rich people abuse the system far more and out of pure greed, not necessity or desperation so idrc about that

nyancrimew

eosofspades

cloevr

when i take my phone case off i feel concern and fear knowing that some people just rawdog their phone like that like its so slippery girl you are carrying around a little fish

cryoverkiltmilk

Handle a naked smartphone and you can just feel the eagerness of this device to lemming itself onto the pavement

innerchildabortionclinic

interesting kink assortment on the dash

encryptidarchivist

count dracula? uhhh ok. one

wyrmicelli

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

snowown

sufjansjoy

does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person

sufjansjoy

wow

hymnism

making a collection

putridghost

Wait I have more

acemingo

pinklocksoflove

jesterlesbian

you have to remember it's always always worse on twitter

you-need-not-apply

Bro I just nearly fucking died

you-need-not-apply

My throats fucked but I like inhaled toothpaste and my throat seized up and I couldn’t breathe worst part is I spat toothpaste everywhere trying to get it out of my mouth and my throat is like fuzzy now?? Water did not help honey tea might

you-need-not-apply

Dude I was dry heaving into a sink barely breathing and my brain went “this is gonna make a sick ass tumblr story”

epistleii

is this accurate

you-need-not-apply

Absolutely flawless how did you get these photos?

dancinbutterfly

I can never leave here

the-quasar-hero

Man who hates the very concept of life and all living beings: I should design portal websites for colleges and job applications

hppjmxrgosg

"going out to get milk" is a common turn of phrase used to describe a man abandoning his family.

the "milkman" is a common figure in stories depicting a woman's infidelity and adulterous affair.

this implies that the ability to provide milk would both decrease the likelihood of a man abandoning his wife and children, as it would eliminate the need for leaving to get milk AND would secure that man's marriage, as his wife would have no need to seek milk from an extraneous source.

therefore, all men should produce milk, through various means such as:

- being a cow

- being an almond

- being a woman

- being a coconut

- being in the omegaverse

- being an oat

(list is exemplary and not finite)

in this essay, i will redefine the nuclear family and explain the seductive and inflammatory nature of the 1993 "Got Milk?" commercials.

hppjmxrgosg

you shut your mouth.

dogpuppy

nineteenyearoldmeblog

im fucking crying

ampervadasz

masterkfox

my two brain cells

vigilantsycamore

This is what executive dysfunction looks like

a-book-of-creatures

Inside you there are two hamsters…

alagaisia

Hey. Why isn’t the moon landing a national holiday in the US. Isn’t that fucked up? Does anyone else think that’s absurd?

alagaisia

It was a huge milestone of scientific and technological advancement. (Plus, at the time, politically significant). Humanity went to space! We set foot on a celestial body that was not earth for the first time in human history! That’s a big deal! I’ve never thought about it before but now that I have, it’s ridiculous to me that that’s not part of our everyday lives and the public consciousness anymore. Why don’t we have a public holiday and a family barbecue about it. Why have I never seen the original broadcast of the moon landing? It should be all over the news every year!

alagaisia

It’s July 20th. That’s the day of the moon landing. Next year is going to be the 54th anniversary. I’m ordering astronaut shaped cookie cutters on Etsy and I’m going to have a goddamn potluck. You’re all invited.

watermelon-converse

Hey. Hey. Tumblr. Ides of March ppl. We can do this

emi--rose

Hell yeah moon holiday

hello-delicious-tea

Ooh coming up we should celebrate

ariaste

PITCH: We call it Moon Day, and then every 7 years when it falls on a Monday, that's an even BIGGER deal and we call that Moon Day Monday and go absolutely apeshit about it (the next Moon Day Monday is in 2026 so we have a couple trial runs first)