My life has turned into a horror show..

Amelia Shepherd l Neuro-Surgeon l Recovering addict l The family black sheep

[ameliasheph-blog]

OOC:

Does anyone even get on here anymore....??

[theadulterousbitch]

If everything we know all goes up in smoke, nothing can take me away from you. ll Addison, Amelia & Ella

[ellaforbesmonty-blog]

“I know that now mommy. I was just letting Auntie Amelia know.” She looked at the white crayon in her hand again. She still didn’t get why the white crayon existed if all she had was white paper. She shrugged and put it back into the pack of crayons then sat the pack beside her. She looked up and out the window as she began to yawn. She was feeling extremely tired but was fighting her sleep off. She was staring out the window still as she spoke. “When I grow up, I’m going to have red hair like my mommy’s. It’s gonna be long and red.”

It’s going to be long and red. Sometimes it’s going to be short and red and sometimes it’s going to be straight. It’s going to be curly sometimes too. I can wear it in a ponytail or wear it down and even sometimes I’m going to wear it up and down at the same time. My hair is going to be awesome like my mommy’s. Red hair is gonna be so much fun. Ella thought to herself as she fought her hardest not to fall asleep. She wasn’t ready to go to sleep just yet.

[ameliasheph-blog]

Amelia watched as Ella leaned back in her booster seat and gazed out the window - shifting her thoughts from the color of the crayons in the box to her mothers red hair and how she was too going to have long red hair one day. Amelia smiled and raised her eyebrow at the small girl. "That I don't doubt, E. I bet you are going to be just like mommy when you grow up." She comments and nudges the blonde a little in her seat, noticing that her eyes were getting heavy and she was indefinitely fighting her sleep. "Why don't we take a little nap - you and me and when we wake up, hopefully, we will be closer to Seattle." Amelia comments, attempting to make the time pass as quickly as possible.

[derekmotherfuckingshepherd-blog]

Home is where the heart is ll Derek & Amelia

[derekmotherfuckingshepherd-blog]

Derek is surprised at how Amelia is respectful, considering he knew she did not fully approve of how Addison and he had chosen to spend their time together - she needed to get in line with everyone else. He runs a hand through his hair, unsure of what he could say or tell her that would lift the mood, or take the seriousness out of the current conversation. When she says that he could have lied to her, that made him angry. “Why in the hell would I lie to you about that? Why would I lie to you in general? You are the one usually lying to me, we can’t both be liars and sneaky now can we?” He immediately regrets what comes out of his mouth, mainly because she had been sincere in her comments concerning Addison and the sex/affair last night. He was sure she knew about Connecticut too, but he was not about to bring that into the mix - plus it was none of her business how he spent his time with Addison.

He diverts his gaze, as he tries to understand and untangle his own thoughts. Even he did not really know what he was doing lately, all he knew was that his world was falling apart and he could not fix it this time. “I don’t regret the sex, I don’t. But I regret ever stepping foot in Connecticut, and lying to, well now probably my ex wife, about it and trying my best to cover it all up. It’s unlike me, and I really do love Meredith. I do, but no one sees to understand that Addison and I don’t do this stuff on purpose, we can’t help it. The love is always going to be there, and I don’t want to make it go away, I have loved her all my life. It’s hard, no doubt about it, and it has hurt so many people, but it can’t possibly end here.” He thinks about cutting Addison out of his life completely and his stomach churns at the very thought. It was much more than just hard, it was impossible, and not something he would ever work towards. “No, I love her, and I will never apologize for it.”

[ameliasheph-blog]

Amelia didn't technically agree or approve of how Derek and Addison lived their lives and more importantly continued with what she could only consider an insanely unhealthy amount of inappropriate sex, but she respected both her brother and her former sister in law enough to keep her mouth shut and not engage in any sort of 'Addison's a whore.' or the 'How could they do that to Meredith?' conversations, among others from half of Seattle Grace. Things were so much easier in New York - people didn't care what you did and more importantly they kept their mouths shut about how they felt about it. Things however were not that way in Seattle or LA. "Derek, it was a joke and more of a sarcastic comment than anything." Amelia replies and rolls her eyes - she wasn't seriously considerng that he lie to her about what really happened between him and Addison the night before. Immediately, hearing his 'sneaky' comment and Amelia has to fight back the urge to burst into laughter and shove him in front of a mirror - because he clearly needed to look in one. He had been sneaking around with Addison for years, she wasn't aware of what went down in Connecticut, the entire time - all she really knew was that they had slept together once or twice and honestly, Amelia liked not knowing the entire story.

Hearing Derek start to talk about how he didn't regret sleeping with Addison but he did regret going to Connecticut and then he proceeded to share how they really work these days and how all of this comes to be. She can tell that he's obviously torn between everything that was happening, and hearing him talk about Meredith - it is evident in his voice that he's in love with her and is clearly upset and distraught by the fact that she might have left him over everything, revolving Addison and Derek and their affair that started years and years ago. One thing, Amelia was sure of - Derek probably should have been honest with Meredith when he went to Connecticut for Bizzy's memorial to begin with and maybe, they would have been able to make it work -- now, or maybe none of this would be happening. She didn't know, to be honest. "No one is asking you to cut Addison out of your life and not have any sort of relationship with her." Amelia mutters lowly, she knew deep down that Derek and Addison would more than likely keep this charade up for years to come; the brunette didn't see it ending any time soon. "I get it, some people might not understand any of this, but, I get it. You two have shared a huge, huge portion of your lives together of course those feelings aren't going to go away. You're always going to love one another. I don't think you should apologize for that, but, I can tell you that I think you need to decide what you want more. Addison or Meredith - it's really not fair to either of them to keep bouncing back and fourth." She spills out, almost instantly regretting encouraging Derek to fight for Meredith if he chose to do so. 

[ameliasheph-blog]

OOC: Replies

I know I owe people, I will reply tomorrow, since I have the day off from school!

-Reply to Addison

-Reply to Derek

-Reply to Addison and Ella.

If I missed anyone let me know. I think those are the only people I owe though!

[ameliasheph-blog]

People who think that Addison's a homewrecking whore - let us be reminded that it takes two to tango: and technically she had them both first.

[dangeroudrugs]

She is beautiful!

[dangeroudrugs]

[lovemeevenwhenyouhateme]

13/20 flawless female persons (in no particular order) -Caterina Scorsone

[ameliasheph-blog]

/ I basically really need to find some Private Practice people on here, Amelia's going to have a far bigger connection with PP - then GA.

In other words, this my casting call, so to speak - for any Private Practice based character. Idgaf, who you play...you can be Maya for all I care. I want some serious Charlotte and Amelia, Amelia and Jake; and more importantly Amelia and Sheldon to occupy my time. 

Come keep me entertained. (:

[elizagiles-deactivated20140808]

[ameliasheph-blog]

I feel like everyone is anti - Addison and Amelia being in Seattle now.

[derekmotherfuckingshepherd-blog]

Home is where the heart is ll Derek & Amelia

[derekmotherfuckingshepherd-blog]

He wants to unclench his fist, but just looking at his little sister made his blood boil and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Taking in a sharp breath, he runs a more than frustrated hand through his hair. He was all out of excuses at this point, I mean what was he even doing? “I don’t care if you love me more or less, but I want you to understand that a child is a child, and even if she is not mine then I will still treat her as my own, as I have since I found out she existed. I know you see me as this unconventional guy who can’t seem to stay away from his ex wife, but you know Addison, not as well as I do, but you know her and you love her. You have to attempt to understand that I have spend so much of my life with her that it is overwhelmingly complicated to one day decide that I don’t want much to do with her anymore. I don’t expect you to understand, maybe you do or don’t, but Addison and I always wanted a family, always. This is our shot now that we are in the same city. I am not going to cut that opportunity out of my life because I have a family waiting for me at home.” He drops his head, saddened at the fact that this is what his life had come to. “I don’t know how much you know about Addison and I, but I am not going to stand here and sugarcoat the relationship and lie about it. We slept together last night. I don’t care if you know, but I do know that you are aware of how our relationship has always been, you have been around her since you were little. She is your sister and she is the love of my life, always will be. So you can stand here with your crossed arms and protect her all you want, but I love Addison, and that’s never really going to change.” 

He takes a deep breath in, almost regretting his spill about last night, but she was going to find out eventually from Addison or through the grape vine. “Just don’t keep shit from me anymore, okay? Especially when it comes to Addison.” He looks down at her sternly, trying to reinforce his request of proper blood family behavior. “I am your older brother, let’s not repeat this again. Remember, I am your blood family, Addison is not.”

[ameliasheph-blog]

Amelia was happy to hear that no matter what Ella's paternity was that he was still going to treat her like she was his own, like he had been doing since the day she was born. Maybe, she should have told Derek early on, maybe they shouldn't have told him at all about Ella maybe being Mark's child - there was no way to tell. That couldn't keep focusing on what Amelia did or didn't do in honor of either the redhead or her brother, it was in the past and there was no way they could go back and change it now. Would she if she had the chance to? Absolutely, with a single doubt in her mind. The way he described how he thought Amelia saw him, was wrong - she didn't see him as that type of guy -- well she thought the whole situation with how Derek and Addison were together was outrageous but, it was life and it was how they were choosing to live theirs - who was Amelia to judge them? She knew you couldn't help who you fall in love with, Addison and Derek had fallen in love with each other a long time ago and those kind of feelings didn't go away becaue a marriage failed. Just because they got divorced did it mean that they didn't love each other anymore? Surely, not. 

Hearing her brother say that he wasn't going to throw away what he and Addison had always wanted together for what he had at home, stunned the brunette. It wasn't anything that she was expecting him to say - she had never been a big fan of Meredith, mainly because she was one of the big reasons why Addison and Derek stopped trying to work their marriage out in the first place, had it not been for Meredith and Derek moving to Seattle - maybe, Addison and Derek would still be together, the way they used to be and not this twisted way that they were now. "As long as you're happy, I'm not going to interfere in what you want or what she wants, I'll be here to help, you both always. I know how you feel about her and I know how she feels about you, how you've both always felt about each other. If being together and being a family makes you both feel complete and you feel like you can make it work again, then go for it. Who am I to judge you for leaving what you have at home and going back to Addison. If it's what you truly want, do what makes you happy." Amelia replies, softly.

When Derek admits that he and Addison had slept together the night before, Amelia wasn't shocked - it was extremely obvious that they two had. She heard them stammering up the stairs in fits of laughter and random slams against the wall, before they finally found their way to Addison's bedroom. Plus, Addison's reaction to Amelia's question about anything Derek related were weird and it was obvious that something had gone down, aside from talking. Amelia wasn't 12 anymore, she knew how their relationship was - it had been this way for as long as she could remember and even after their divorce they had been known to provide in inappropriate sex with one another. "Derek - you could have lied to me about sleeping with Addison last night, and I would still know the truth." She admits and sighs. "I won't keep anything from you again, but - I will say this don't hurt her again. I'm really rooting for the two of you this time around. You both deserve to be happy and from what I can tell you make each other happy. She's happy when you're here."

[chylerleigh]

[ameliasheph-blog]

fangirl challenge:

FIFTEEN PAIRINGS → 12. Amelia Shepherd & Sheldon Wallace.

[ameliashepherdking-blog]

Charmelia colors 2

[theadulterousbitch]

If everything we know all goes up in smoke, nothing can take me away from you. ll Addison, Amelia & Ella

[ellaforbesmonty-blog]

“Blue. Green. Red. Yellow. Black.” Ella had been picking up each crayon and naming the color for the past three hours now. And unluckily for Addison and Amelia, Ella had the 96 Pack of Crayola Crayons. She and her aunt had been coloring at first but after being forced to color 11 pages, Amelia was bored out of her mind and just wanted to sleep. Amelia had dosed off a couple of times when Ella did her first round of saying the names of the colors and every time Ella noticed she threw a crayon at her aunt waking her aunt. Addison thought that was pretty funny and it was a break from Ella’s nonstop talking. “Brown. Orange. Violet. White.” Ella paused for a minute holding the white crayon in her hand. “Auntie Amy, why is there a white crayon and it doesn’t even show up on the paper? See,” Ella drew on her coloring page with the white crayon, “It doesn’t make sense.” 

Everything now to Ella didn’t make sense. It was her favorite choice of words. Every time something wasn’t right to her, it didn’t make sense. “It’s just like when you said that jeans give you red hair.” She looked over to her aunt who was sleeping, “Auntie?” She furrowed her brow and then proceeded to throw the crayon hitting her aunt in the head like she had been doing every time Amelia dosed off. 

[ameliasheph-blog]

Three hours into the drive, several drawings and coloring pages completed later - Amelia Shepherd found herself sitting in the backseat with a three year old who thought verbally announcing the color of every single crayon in her box to her aunt and her mother -- it was cute, but Amelia was beginning to get a headache; when she was woke up for a fifth time to a crayon in the face, Amelia groaned and looked at Ella who was asking why white crayons were called white because you couldn't see it. "It shows up on dark colored paper and if you hold down on it really hard it'll show up." Amelia shrugged, she really wasn't the best at explaining some things to a toddler, especially things that Amelia didn't know the answer to herself.

"Not jeans that you wear, Ella." Amelia responded and rubbed her temply - Ella hadn't shut up since they had been in the car and she was cursing herself for agreeing to join them in Seattle - Amelia could use a break truth be told. 3 hours down and only 15 more hours left until, she was free from the car and the crayon debate. "Uhhh, I meant your genes - the things you get from your parents before you are born. You know the things that decide what you look like and stuff like that." Amelia says. "Like, how you have your mommy's eyes, and your daddy's nose."

[ameliasheph-blog]

This is what makes us girls. ll Amelia&Lexie

[jowils0n-blog]

Lexie blushed as Amelia commented on her looking like she could use a drink. Before she could even repudadle,Amelia had ordered drinks for the both of them. “Thanks” she said as she immediately took a swig from the glass just put down in front of her. She let the alcohol take its course throughtout her body as she sat listening to Ameliea talk about why she was at the bar.

“So, a night off from babysitting?” she said with a laugh, nudging her head towards Amelias drink. “I cant blame you, it can get so tiring. I dont know how the peads people do it.” Her heart dropped as Amelia mentioned Mark and Addison. “Yeah, I, uh, feel really bad, they seem kinda stressed lately.” Ok, so that was a lie, but wahtever she thought. “Whats going on, between them? Mark seemed really…tense, the other day when we had surgery together”

[ameliasheph-blog]

Amelia sunk back down into her bar stool, and twirled the beer bottle in her hand - before lifting her bottle to her lips and taking a long sip of the drink. After the fight she had with Derek earlier that day, she needed to be at Joe's -- but, what she didn't need was to spiral out of control again and have Addison breathing down her throat every waking second. Hell, even Charotte had called several times since the brunette had been in Seattle to make sure she was still going to meetings and doing all of the things she needed to be doing in order to stay sober. She smiled over at Lexie when she thanked her for the drink and nodded her head. 

She looked down at the bottle in her head and smiled, nodding her head. "Oh, yeah. Ella was about to go to sleep when I left - plus, Addison's there and Derek stopped by to see Ella." Amelia replied and sighed, turning her attention back to Lexie, when she spoke about how she didn't blame her and then started talking about Mark and Addison. Amelia Shepherd hardly thought that Lexie felt bad for Addison; she had in a way took the man Lexie was in love with away from her, even if Mark actually would never belong to any one, not even Addison: his whore ways would never allow it. "Mark thinks she's still in love with Derek and doesn't want to be with him and I guess he's not really for how Addison wants things to go with raising Ella. He doesn't want to be the fun uncle or the cool guy that her mom is dating." Amelia snorts, she still had little hope that Mark would ever be boyfriend or even father material for Ella - and she knew how Mark and and Addison were, they fought all the time and used sex to fix their problems. "He said some pretty shitty things to her, and he broke up with her - so, I don't really feel sorry for Mark honestly. At some point, he's gotta realize that Addison is a mother and she can't put Ella through all of the stuff that the two of them so frequently go through." 

[derekmotherfuckingshepherd-blog]

Home is where the heart is ll Derek & Amelia

[derekmotherfuckingshepherd-blog]

As much as Derek did not want to admit it, Amelia was right that it was not her place to tell him. Running a more than frustrated hand through his dark curls, he contemplates where or what he wanted to say or do next. Maybe he should just walk upstairs, ignoring her and her nasty comments, even though he really did start the verbal brawl between them. “But how could you possibly love me enough to keep a life changing secret from me? After the last surgery we went through together here in Seattle, I thought that things would be different between us. Clearly I am a fool for thinking that event somehow miraculously brought us closer.”

He feels like a damn fool standing there in front of his sister, hearing her mention how terrible of a husband, ex husband even, that he was becoming or already was. Derek could not even comprehend how she knew about the night before, h had been there all night - but how did she know? 

Derek’s blood boils, Amelia did always know how to get underneath his skin with minimal effort. “That is none of your business,”he snaps at her. He knew exactly where she was going to go with her criticisms, and he was not going to have it. 

[ameliasheph-blog]

Derek had every right to be angry with her, she had done a bad thing, she risked her somehow mending relationship with her brother for the sake of Addison's sanity. She should have done things differently, she could have tried to convince Addison to tell Derek and Mark both the truth when she found out that she was pregnant - instead Amelia didn't. She didn't even try to do the right thing, she just went along with everything that Addison asked her to do, respecting her relationship with the redhead instead of her blood family. "Derek, things have changed between us, things are getting better. Just because, I did this one thing for Addie doesn't mean that I love you any less." The brunette speaks and looks down at the floor, she knows that there is nothing she could possibly say or do to make Derek get it through his thick skull that she was truly sorry. "I realize I should have done a lot of things different, but does the fact that she might be Mark's really change anything for you? You're still in Ella's life - you haven't turned your back on her in spite of what you now know." 

When he spoke about how none of this was any of her business, Amelia knew that was true it wasn't her business, but, she lived with Addison therefore she was going to find out what was going on eventually, whether she put two and two together for herself or the redhead told her. Amelia has seen this story between Derek and Addison play out several times before, their off and on relationship was something they had so often done and she was almost certain the cycle would never be broken. "No, it isn't any of my business. But, I do live here and you are my brother and Addie and E are my family." She pauses for a moment, unsure of what she wants to say next. "I just don't want anyone to get hurt, mainly Addison and E, they don't deserve that - not after everything that's already happened." She pauses again and clears her throat. "Whatever it is the two of you are doing right now or not doing, I'm not going to tell anyone. If you both think you can try and work things out for Ella's sake, because I know that is what Addison wants deep down, I'm not going to say a single word. I think we both know, I am capable of keeping serious life changing secrets. " She clears her throat again and walks towards Derek arms still crossed against her chest. "But, you're right, last night isn't any of my business and the status of your relationship with her is not my business either."