At the start of my many attempts to recover I always felt very motivated to eat and document my progress at first, eager to exercise, learn more, ask for help - I was excited for the whole recovery process like most people are with new things. This gave off the impression that I am finally on the right track and I was pretty proud of myself. Sooner or later, the euphoric state would start to slowly fade away, leaving me with a myriad of new challenges to deal with: weight gain, bloating that doesn't seem to ever get better, differentiating between ed brain and what my body really needs, constant hunger followed by food guilt, and the list goes on.
That's what usually made me return to my ed behaviors and I know that it's going to happen (frankly, is already happening) on this, yet another recovery journey.
Except for this time, I won't let it eliminate the progress I've already made.
So while the guilt and regret are slowly creeping in, I'm taking these few steps to make this part of recovery a bit easier on myself, and am encouraging you to try and take them as well:
• first of all, stopping body-checking. No scales, no measurements, no full-size mirrors, and no tight clothes until I feel ready for all that. None of these deliver a full, realistic image of what is going on with your body and are what your ed feeds off of.
• sticking to my meal plan.
In this state of constant anxiety, doubts, and paranoia it is important to remember that your body needs food regardless of what your brain is making you think. Sure, listening to your body is great, but when you're recovering it's often hard to tell when it's your common sense and real hunger speaking, and when it's your ed tricking you into thinking something else. I might not feel like I need that third meal or that snack, or like I'm not that hungry. I might not feel like I deserve this or I'm not allowed that, but all of that is honestly just ed bullshit and I'm going to do my best to not give in. Which brings me to my next point.
Nope, not the number of calories I consume, just the amount of meals I have, what they are particularly, and how I feel after them. This part is indispensable, cause as I mentioned previously, you may not feel the hunger when it's there, you are more likely to ignore your body, and that's what is standing between you and recovery. Being conscious about the amount of food you consume and what you consume is the only way of keeping track even when your brain is still controlled by your disorder.
For this, I'm going to use the app Brighter Bite, and try to record what foods trigger me the most. I'll also probably share how I feel about the app and if it was beneficial in any way as I move along.
This list will update with time but for now, these are the main steps I'm taking to get through this period of ✨recovery depression✨ if you will. Remember that healing isn't linear! and feel free to correct me and definitely share your methods of dealing with wobbles like these!!
ellievsbear
areudirty
stormborns
2087
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
jacobvanloon
gracieabrams
dailybridgerton
snowghoul
amandla
tangentwithtanner
