see pinned post -> @amnesiadream - Tumblr Blog

-OEA/Trafficking survivor with BPD/CDD

-Adult/Late 20s

-DNI: endos/RAMCOA deniers/zionists/minors/radqueers

This is a blog for discussions, research and my own thoughts/feelings around CDDs, programming and more. Do not visit if you have triggers around these subjects or discussions of abuse/CSA. Asks are always open.

#pinned post #oea system

0ctopuk3

MEAT ROOM.

lunargarden

Beautiful.

deprogramming-techsupport

anon asked: is it possible to have programming that causes physical symptoms to prevent information from being spread like gag reflex , tension headaches(?) nausea

Yes! These can all be triggered by stress responses, and, while i can't fully explain the science behind it, I've spoken to survivors who have that type of response.

amnesiadream

Somatic flashbacks / physical pain, passing out even. The works really.

#oea survivor #programmed system #ramcoa survivor

I joined a certain site, A was going to go crazy in our newfound freedom, joining such a site might sound like a bad idea but the alternative was worse.

In some ways it has been great, she's getting it out of her system, although her appetites are endless and it only curbs them, but it's still enough.

However, it's difficult, because the things she likes and the type of alter she is, attracts the wrong people. We end up having to step in, just like in our childhood online.

But she's having fun, and that's enough.

#oea system #ramcoa #oea #ramcoa system #trafficking survivor #cdd system #programmed alter #programmed system

I get really in my head about communicating now. Everyone thinks I'm dead and when I reach out my profiles are obscure and they think I'm a scammer.

On the flip side, talking to new people, I'm too out of practice and fuck up. I'm basically manic just from having any sort of attention again. I want everything and because of it I get nothing. I want to feel, but feeling is painful. I want to touch but I can't be touched. I want to experience new things but am capped by reality.

Nothing is easy.

#oea system #ramcoa #ramcoa system #oea #trafficking survivor #cdd system

thrashingdreamer

physical art again because I need a tactical distraction. ill draw it instead

s1ck-pup

mommydgaf

you’re so fucking spoiled you get to pick out which radiator you get chained to

creepycrag

If you remember being a teenager you're a creep because you straight up saw yourself naked back then. The only way to be righteous is to obliterate your mind with drugs until you can't remember anything

felt-like-going-by-another-name

i wish i could put my life together into a clear narrative, nothing in it makes sense. all i have are fragments from what seems to be different lives, in one life i was a normal child going to school, in another i could only feel pain and fear, in another i was a violent beast, in another i was a whore seducing men, in another i was an older woman trying to save myself. will it ever make sense one day? nothing makes sense, i don’t even know what’s happened to me or anything about myself, i don’t understand what’s happening in my head