I feel like you all deserve an honest apology and explanation from me, and while there are private matters to this, I wish to give this all the attention it deserves without dismissal or ignorance.
I sincerely apologize for all of the hateful speech, harassment, etc I have done. I'm not asking for forgiveness, nor am I going to ask any of my followers who have unfollowed me to consider refollowing.
No matter how much I was hurting, there is NO excuse for what I said and did, and nothing further I can do except completely stop posting on alts, and take accountability here.
As for how I treated specifically scaraobsession and karmamira, that will be addressed in the following:
Now, I would like to make it very clear. I'm not asking for you back. I was a very, VERY destructive person to be around. This apology isn't to just smooth things over or for everything to be fine, it's because I genuinely believe you deserve this from me, and what I did was wrong.
For all of our sakes, I will not go into too much detail, as it is private matters. If you wish for more to be public that's up to you, not me. However, I did guilt tripping, manipulation, and attempted to isolate Lilac by being overly jealous and possessive. People are not possessions, and I deeply apologize for how I treated Lilac as one at times.
Not only was I toxic to her, but Karma as well. As we were in a trio, they were both around this negative behavior. Some examples include:
me isolating lilac from other friends (including karma.. mainly karma)
guilt tripping to lilac for spending time with karma
borderline insulting karma to make myself seem better in comparison so lilac would, and i quote my past self, "stay with me no matter what" ...yeah crickets ik, sheesh.
I understand how incredibly two faced I was, being sweet to Karma here on Tumblr and then in private attempting to pull Lilac toward me and away from them. They both have every right to block me, and prioritize their own mental health. I apologize for how I treated that otherwise for so, so long.
Also, this isn't a main point but I still feel it's worth mentioning, I would never mean to intentionally misgender someone! I genuinely didn't see Karma's post about preferring They/Them, and only using She/Her with languages that don't have it. However, as I used to have their notifs on, I can see how it'd look like I was intentionally ignoring that post, and for that I apologize. They have every right to be upset with me over that, especially considering they know I do use They/Them with those who wish so, via another one of our (my ex) mutual friends. I do hope that this paragraph can clear that up though, I genuinely never meant to. The time I used They/Them with them prior to their latest post stating their preference, was in reply to a post saying they wished more people used They/Them instead of just She/Her. My memory is usually very bad and I'm not blaming anyone for that, but I don't remember it being stated on that post (the one I did see) that they only had She/Her for languages that don't have They/Them and for people who refuse to.
I was creepy, obsessive, and just overall toxic. I'm not saying this to gather sympathy, I'm saying it to own up to it. I was not the friend either of them deserve.
As for "grooming minors into seeing your kms stuff", I would like to make it very clear, I had in my bio exactly what type of content that blog would contain. Topics such as sh, kms, ed, etc. all in the bio. However, as soon as it was brought to my attention a minor was there, I should've been more proactive with getting any minors off that account, and protected them more. I realise that now, and apologize for not being more aware sooner. It is my job as an adult to make sure all minors who I interact with are safe, especially mentally. I will be more proactive with keeping children's eyes away from my page should it contain heavy topics.
This is NOT TO EXCUSE MY ACTIONS, but it does give an explanation to anyone who may want it: I've been homeless over the past.. two - three months? With all the moving around and just overall stress of it all, I do believe that would've only made my codependency and attachment to Lilac worse, which would've increased by negative behaviors, both to myself and others.
I'm in a much better state now, but I do still need to severely work on myself further. I'll admit that.
Me not addressing this sooner was cowardly, and I should not have let it get to this extent. And I'm so sorry.
Feel free to unfollow/unmoot and/or block me after learning this, I truly do understand. However, do know, it is one of my main priorities to work on myself from now on.
And I will admit, there will be times I slip into old, bad habits. But I vow to ensure that doesn't hurt others. I will monitor what I post, especially publicly. I'm a grown woman, and need to take accountability. That is what I aim to do now, and continue doing so in the future.
Some of the bad actions I did includes the multiple alt accounts I made (though the nineteen i did have were all sideblogs so i couldn't see those who blocked me, that doesn't make the sentiment any better. <- Also hence why I thought they couldn't see the post I made on my vent, I did not understand how tumblr worked fully and thought if you had my main blocked, it'd block my sideblogs too. This is no one's fault but my own, and I take accountability for that), and the hateful things said on there.
I have deleted all the sideblogs apart from the ones with any posts/reposts on them, but they all won't be active:
(twice to not take up whole post)
Feel free to block any/all, all @ here: @lyneyscumlicker @windspokenwhispers @starlightseasx @seafoamsponge @is-lyney-peak @fatty-mcfatterson
I'm so sorry to those two, the whole friend group, and anyone else involved. What I did was so wrong in so many ways. I know there is no way to prove my sincerity properly beyond doing better from now on, and that there's no way to change what has to be done, but know from now on everyday I strive to do better and treat those who matter to me better. I wish you all the best, regardless of what you choose to do from this. I won't make anymore alt accounts, and I do understand how that may very easily come off as insincere due to my past actions, but I'll let the actions I take now show my honesty, and how I truly wish to take this all seriously.
If I don't reply straight away to any of your replies, know I'm not ignoring you, I simply think it's best if I take a break from interacting on social media, this includes Tumblr. I will only be finishing wip series and requests, and then abandoning this account. For the sake of everyone I don't want to drag this on publicly much longer, however feel free to privately DM me if you want a personal apology and/or more details/anything else addressed, I'll gladly provide so. Beyond dmming about the situation, I will no longer interact with anyone involved.
