Anatomy of a Femme

Queenie Boado Paulinian • Thomasian Welcome to the life of a 19 year old who seeks to find herself in this four-cornered page, drowning in the sea of her own thoughts with a fab dose of pink! Disclaimer All images and notes found in my blog are all mine except for those I reblog. Similarities and copying of any content in my blog without any permission is strictly prohibited. If you will use any of the content in this blog, you must give me some credits or use my blog as the source.

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Happiness often sneaks in a door you didn't think was open 🙈 (at Pinto Art Museum)

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Her courage was her crown and she wore it like a queen (at Pinto Art Museum)

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i pray the children of Syria see peace one day 

[kushandwizdom]

[electricheart]

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Closeup Forever Summer for the third and last time! It saddens me that this is their last summer party bc it has always been a good time attending their event! Perfect sem-ender. Thank you, Close Up! Always. ✨ Who's also coming? 😋

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"If you are willing to do something that might not work, you're closer to being an artist." -Seth Godin

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Letting the good times roll with my girls on Valentine's Day! -- At Valkyrie, The Palace, Uptown BGC

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Best night with the best people (plus Ace Ramos' set!) 🙌🏻

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Photobooth with my favorite flower 🌸

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Guess who won overall champion for basketball? Our block! YAY aaaand guess who's included in the mythical 5 + MVP? Hello to my main, Josh!! 💪🏿

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I don’t get it. All I wanted was to leave it all behind, leave it in 2015. I did, I’m glad I was strong enough to. It may hurt (well, ofcourse it did) but I was able to endure it on the 1st day of the year. “It’s done, we’re done. There’s nothing to hold onto anymore. Let go and move on” that’s what I kept telling myself anyway, maybe it was all about bad timing. But why did you go back?

And then left again.. again and again

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Goodbyes

A lot of goodbyes for this year. Goodbye to my first semester in my sophomore year (yehey!) to my professors, to our irregular block mates. Goodbye to my 2015 self, someone who turned out to be something different in a negative kind of way. Disappointing, rather. Goodbye to my main, who used to be the closest person in my college life but decided to slowly drift apart. Goodbye to my MC, someone I almost but never had (and sorry, too.) Lastly, goodbye 2015. 

There are some that will be surely missed, while there are also some that I’m better off without. Still, thank you.

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MC

It’s true when they say that you only realize someone’s worth when they’re already gone. I guess the realizations did hit me hard. There’s still a little hope inside of me wanting you to come back so that we could give it another shot. But by now, maybe you also had your own realizations. Maybe you realized you deserve someone who will prioritize you first, who will put down her phone to talk to you on the ride home, who won’t give you hours of late replies. Maybe you realized that not everything you lose is a lost.

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Open letter

To the guy I took for granted, I’m sorry. For not taking you seriously. For not catching you when you fell. I’m sorry your efforts didn’t pay off. I’m sorry I felt nothing when you felt everything. Sorry I was heartless. Heartless to take hours to text back, heartless to almost ditch you off on your special day. I was your “tangina tagal mo naman magreply”, literally. I felt disappointed for failing to recognize you in the first place. You know, they say if you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph. That’s when it hit me harder than I expected, seeing my photo on your feed. You used to be my “kaya pa” but turned out to be my “wala na”. You’re the book I’ve always opened but never took the time to read. Then the time came when you chose to close the book and not turn the page anymore. I guess you found yourself in the wrong story, and left. They say great things take time but you gave up. I guess I wasn’t considered great enough to be worth it. “I didn’t know it then, how important this boy would become to me but even if I had known, what could I have done differently?” Sorry, I was unsure. You know why? Because it was such a small world. It didn’t felt right nor wrong. It was my fault when I didn’t say exactly what I meant. I wanted to give you better, even if it’s not me. All I know is that I should’ve told you what you meant to me.

If you’re reading this, I guess it’s too late. But you’ll always be important to me. Always.

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Present

I don't know what brought me to where I am today, to my present self. Never have I thought of juggling a number of different things all at the same time, I don't know why I allowed myself to be like this. I don't know, but one thing I'm sure of is that I'm hurt. I was hurt. I was hurt of being treated as one of the many other options available.

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Current thought