Andy and their rants

🧚🏻a hopeless romantic with no energy for romance🧚🏻 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[academic-vampire]

𝔖𝔬𝔬𝔫, 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔡𝔞𝔶𝔰 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔟𝔢 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔲𝔫 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔪 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔰𝔨𝔦𝔫 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔞 𝔨𝔦𝔰𝔰…

…𝔇𝔬𝔫’𝔱 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔯𝔶—𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔴𝔞𝔦𝔱. ☀️🍂

[andersonswords]

manifesting this weather🥰

[andersonswords]

it was real for them. it was worth it for them.

why weren’t we worth it for you? why weren’t we enough for you?

[andersonswords]

you’ll never see this, but my therapist recommended getting my thoughts out. if you are seeing this

fuck you

[andersonswords]

i am a different person, version, in every area of my life

work

school

home

my room

my bed

with mom

with him

with rose

without anyone at all

i am split

concave

folded

and shifted

the mirror sees me

my camera sees another me

my reflection when my computer shuts off

shows me looking back at me

i am me

i am i

but i will forever remain

a fractured

broken

shattered

puzzle

misshapenly put together by a ghost

simply passing through walls

wandering aimlessly down abandoned streets

[toastbutteregg]

[ancientorigins]

Bird Nesting At The Temple Of Horus, Egypt.

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

{Marya Hornbacher from Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia//stay away but come closer via Altusboy on Tumblr}

[greetings-from-storybrooke]

Tim Curry aka Frank n Furter 

[feral-ballad]

Mohammed El-Kurd, from Rifqa; “This Is Why We Dance”

[helenvaughans]

“…madness is not hysteria. It can be very quiet…”

— Anne Sexton; ”Anne Sexton: A Self-Portrait in Letters” (via litverve)

[heartstopperthoughts]

5 Reasons why I am Charlie Spring

1. NOT athletic

2. Never has any idea what is going on

3. A bit of an overthinker

4. Easily flustered

5. Anxious

[andersonswords]

i love him🥹

[andersonswords]

wanderings // happenings

[joytri]

the incandescent glow of your soul

[hussyknee]

I am not broken. I have been wounded.

I am not damaged. I have been hurt.

I am not useless. I am making the best of my limited capacity.

I am not lazy. I need rest to heal.

I am not unreliable. I live an unpredictable life.

I am not irresponsible. I am relearning how to function.

[andersonswords]

A beautiful night turned sour by boastful winds.

TW: Mentions of sexual assault and sexual harassment

When I was sixteen, my boyfriend would push himself on me. He would force his face on mine and pin me to the couch. He’d run his hands over my body and find a way between my legs with his hand. He called me sexy and hot. I wore skinny jeans and a sweater. It was a crisp Autumn day.

When I was twenty, I walked to the mental health clinic for my group therapy session. Two guys in a truck pulled along me walking. They yelled obscenities, calling me goodlookin’ and babygirl. I wore baggy jeans and a sweater. It was a warm Winter day.

When I was twenty-one, I was running errands in a small riverside town. As I walked across the street, an older man leaned out his car window and yelled “beautiful” at me. I wore a sun dress and sandals. It was a sunny Summer day.

One week ago, still twenty-one. I was out with my partner, getting drinks at our favourite bar. A man comes up to the bar with his friends and tell me I’ve been giving him “looks” since I got there. He shook my hand and asked me my name. His friend bought everyone shots. As I clinked my glass with them, the man said that I am the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. He looks at his friend and says “damn I just want them to have my babies”. They all laugh. The friends go outside for a smoke. The man pretends he’s drunk and puts his full body weight on me, tipping my chair over. He does this to my partner too. The bartender leads him out of the bar. The tears come. They stop. I was wearing a black dress and black platform boots. It was September 15th, 2023. A beautiful night turned sour by boastful winds.

[ancientsstudies]

The leaves are all falling, and they're falling like they're falling in love with the ground.

[visgrapplinghooks]

I think… there's a certain part of the human brain that craves attention when we are suffering. Deep down, we all want people to take care of us when we feel sick. Like when we're kids and our parents would feed us and and dote on us. Especially when your parents were otherwise… not good to you, being ill was the one time you got positive attention and compassion.

With chronic pain and illness, you don't tune out that desire to be doted on and loved in times of suffering. You force yourself to ignore that need because you think it'll never be fulfilled by the people around you. Where's my mom to make me soup when I'm sick or check my temperature? Where's my friends to drop by just to see how I'm doing?

And I think I'm often caught between wanting support from the people around me and not wanting to feel like a burden. Then I avoid reaching out to get support and then feel resentment towards others for not giving me the support and attention I wanted deep down.

I'm not entirely blameless in my social frustrations related to my chronic pain, but I do think there's something to be said about how devastatingly isolating it can feel to be a person with chronic pain/disability/illness and know that you will never get your needs from others fully fulfilled to the extent you want. Learning to find that balance of tempering your expectations, fulfilling your own needs, and communicating to your support system what specifically you need. At least... I hope that's something I can learn as a skill over time.

A stable and proactive social support system is one of the most important things a chronically pained person can have, I think.