ah!

noelle | 29 | she/her

[threedollarsdotcom]

theyre taking me out back behind the shed presumably to give me a medal for my valor and heroism

[great-and-small]

The farmer’s tender-hearted son is crying he must be so proud of me

[cipheramnesia]

They're preparing a one gun salute!

[andnoelle]

anthony bourdain was created when a mad scientist put elliott gould's voice inside jeffrey epstein's face

[jame7t]

meows at you loud as fuck. meows at you loud as fuck again

[andnoelle]

things senator chuck grassley is older than:

- FM radio

- The American Broadcasting Company

- Israel

- 21st Amendment (end of prohibition)

- Trampolines

- The Hays Code

[andnoelle]

they should invent a screen that doesn't give me a fucking headache

[sashayed]

but ykw at least i'm not on mount everest. at least i'm not paying tens of thousands of dollars to slowly suffocate in a 300-person line at the gates of hell. never in my life will i have to be steered in a hypoxic stupor through the maze of poop and corpses atop mount everest. on this earth a lot of horrible things can happen to you without your permission but there are a few that you have to opt into. you can just say no thanks! and be guaranteed never to have to be on mount everest. much to be grateful for actually

[sashayed]

still not on mount everest this morning 😌 alhamdulillah

[andnoelle]

if you avoid buzzwords and just say "the profits a company makes should be evenly divided amongst every employee weighted solely for hours worked because time is all we really have" you'll probably get way less pushback

[andnoelle]

instead of taking out a loan and paying some bank an extra billion dollars why can't you just sign a contract with the person whose house you're buying? pay them every month like rent but there's no interest and at the end you own it

[stillnaomi]

using violence to liberate people from sweatshops, unsafe mines, and grinding poverty isn't the same as using violence to impose those things on people. the idea that violence is morally repugnant regardless of context is a belief that every oppressor throughout history would love for the oppressed to hold

[andnoelle]

there are eight lego video games depicting the original star wars movie and seven with attack of the clones but not a single lego Tár game

[andnoelle]

a yottabyte of ai generated slop data might sound insane but not if you understand the needs of the shareholders. oh! here they are now!

[andnoelle]

"an apple a day keeps the doctor away" is a common misconception. the original texts never mentioned the fruit by name but scholars say it was most likely a banana

[andnoelle]

pork tender loins? 😳😳😳 (⁠(⁠(⁠;⁠ꏿ⁠_⁠ꏿ⁠;⁠)⁠)⁠)

[riotdyke]

Man, remember when Free The Nipple was a thing and there was an actual substantial amount of feminists who believed even public nudity wasn't inherently sexual and now if you date a short person hundreds of anonymous idiots online will call you a pedophile.

[hardwrench]

weed before boner epic stoner

[iamoutofideas]

beer before weed thespider gets you

[andnoelle]

the ai bubble is bursting and i wish there was something i could do about it. like make it burst faster or more spectacularly

[metanarrates]

all women should be more hairy and sweaty and eat more food and laugh more loudly. my stance as a feminist and also my stance as a lesbian pervert