If I see a fic tagged #Ilya Rozanov is obsessed with Shane Hollander and it doesn't have the accompanying tag #Shane Hollander is obsessed with Ilya Rozanov, I scroll past. I am #strict.
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@andy-dandy
If I see a fic tagged #Ilya Rozanov is obsessed with Shane Hollander and it doesn't have the accompanying tag #Shane Hollander is obsessed with Ilya Rozanov, I scroll past. I am #strict.
Maybe my favorite thing about Shane and Ilya is that not only is their relationship a massive shock to literally everyone, but their relationship once you do know about it is fucking unhinged in really funny ways. Headcanons for post-TLG related to this concept:
The other SAPs (Spouses and Partners, including Harris) all expect that Shane and Ilya may be uncomfortable with the amount of lighthearted complaining-about-our-partners that goes on in the groupchat, like won't that be weird for you? since you're both here? Only for Shane and Ilya to be fucking thrilled at the chance to take their weird fighting/flirting foreplay to a new platform. They both start texting as if their husbands are other people who are not also in the chat and complain aggressively about each other all of the time. At least four times it turns into some kind of weird infidelity roleplay and everyone else is like ????
Shane and Ilya are very happy to be on the same team for, like, a lot of reasons, but about midway through their first season together the novelty wears off and they both kind of go wait :( I miss competing against you :( where's the fire? where's the drama? :( And the team is forced to invent little ways for the two of them to compete against each other in practice as Enrichment In Their Enclosure. Wyatt is most successful at this by just keeping track of who scores on him at practice, which turns into Hollanov metaphorically beating up Wyatt for fun at the end of every session. This is a fucking grind for Wyatt but does end up turning him into the best damn goalie in the league.
Everyone places bets on how long it'll take for the honeymoon phase to wear off and for Shane and Ilya --- who are, between working together and living together, essentially never apart --- to get sick of one another. But as it turns out, 12 years of long distance and utter secrecy has lowkey made them codependent. They don't get sick of each other, they just start engaging in low-grade psychological warfare over the laundry and then fucking it out. Everyone is confused about how they never seem to have issues until Luca Haas discovers their freaky codependent nonsense by accidentally overhearing them on a plane ride (his earbuds were in, they thought he was listening to music, HE WAS NOT) and is traumatized. His thousand-yard stare tells everyone else to just accept it and not ask any questions whatsoever.
Poor Scott Hunter genuinely and wholeheartedly believes that Shane is the Reasonable And Normal One...until an out and proud Shane comes to the Kingfisher with Ilya after the Centaurs utterly smoke the Admirals at home and suddenly Scott is double-teamed by the Russian Menace and his husband. They also fuck in the bathroom. It's obvious enough that Scott's utterly horrified expression makes Ilya burst out laughing. (Ilya has literally never been more in love with Shane in his life, quite possibly including on their wedding day.)
STRONG disagree with everyone who suggests that the Tuna Meltdown could've been avoided if Ilya had communicated more clearly. I actually think it would have happened faster if Ilya had just come out and said, "I like you and I want to be exclusive."
Shane's problem in that moment is not weird mixed signals from Ilya (although they probably don't help). Shane's problem is that he feels as though he can't take any step forward with Ilya, because Shane is still very much in denial about his own sexuality and future. He still hasn't even acknowledged that he's gay. Shane firmly believes, pre-Rose, that one day he'll finally find a woman who makes him feel something sorta-kinda-maybe like what he feels for Ilya, and then he'll break it off with Ilya forever for good and have the white-picket-fence life everyone has always expected him to have. That's why Shane immediately seeks out Rose and starts dating her: Rose is The Perfect Woman, and ergo Shane's best shot at normalcy.
It is still late 2016 and Scott Hunter has not come out yet. Shane and Ilya's involvement, as far as they're concerned, is the stupidest thing either of them has ever done, and an enormous risk. It is impermanent. It must be impermanent. Anything more than what they already have is impossible.
If Ilya had just straight-up told Shane, "I like you and I want to be exclusive," Shane would've immediately said no. No, we can't have that. No, that's not what this is. No, that's impossible. No. We can't. I can't. Sorry. Goodbye.
I do love the headcanon that Ilya and Cliff Marleau used to have threesomes during Ilya's Boston era. And Marleau 100% is the bro-y type that believes a threesome cannot POSSIBLY be gay if there's a girl involved and has literally zero doubts in his heart that he and his bestie buddy brother man captain Ilya are both entirely straight, despite kissing (full tongue in mouth) over the top of the girl they pulled together (ignoring her for a solid two minutes) at least once (it was multiple times).
Ilya, obviously, 100% knows that Marleau is at least a little bi, maybe a Kinsey 1 or 2? But he just sort of doesn't have the heart to break it to Marleau because he knows Marleau will have a whole crisis about it and Ilya doesn't have time for all of that rn. Also Ilya absolutely does not want to Awaken Marleau because if Marleau realizes that he likes Ilya then Ilya might have to deal with that and one extremely stressful and confusing secret affair with another hockey player is enough for him thank you!!!
This only comes up when Marleau comes out with the Ottawa guys after a Boston-Ottawa game post-TLG, and whilst drunk mentions the threesome thing and maybe the kissing thing while everyone else slowly exchanges extremely wide-eyed looks across the table.
Shane is incredibly displeased about literally all of this. It's Shane who eventually loses his patience and makes some crack about Marleau being in love with his husband (careful emphasis on his!!!! and husband!!!!) and Marleau goes. Oh yeah no we're just bros. No like. It was all super chill it doesn't count if your socks are on :)
This is when Troy bursts out laughing directly in Marleau's face.
I’ve actually been fucking your son for 10 years. Thank you for pasta
I find it genuinely fascinating how different people in the fandom seem to have diametrically opposed opinions on how fake "the rivalry" in Heated Rivalry is. You have some people who believe firmly that the rivalry was always real, Shane and Ilya are just also in love; you have other people who believe firmly that the rivalry was always entirely fake/manufactured because Shane and Ilya are in love.
And they're all correct.
This seems to be because everybody is operating --- consciously or subconsciously --- with two different definitions of "the rivalry":
The Rivalry(TM) as in the media-promoted narrative which caused everyone to believe that Shane and Ilya genuinely and personally loathed each other
the rivalry as in the earnest competition between Shane and Ilya for various achievements, wins, awards, etc.
need a dislike button on this fuckass website SO BAD
at times when the world's wretchedness threatens to overwhelm, i remind myself firmly that despite all else, it is within my power to go to the chinese grocery store frozen section and buy an utterly enormous bag of dumplings. and that helps
there are several ways to cook frozen dumplings but i will direct you on the best way:
heat small amount of oil in pot on med-high heat. add dumplings, cook 2 min until bottoms are golden crispy
add half-inch of water. cover pot, cook 7 min
drain water and cook 2 min until bottoms are again crispy
CONSUME
in the darkest of times happiness comes in moments of joy we claw out of the jaws of the mighty. and sometimes that means dumplings
everyone on the internet lied to me. baking is not a relaxing activity. i have discovered forms of anxiety i didn't even know were humanly possible
fuck it orestes poem. sorry for the horrific image quality it is legible if you click on them. he makes me feel sick
eddie diaz out here inventing entirely new ways to be insane. roleplaying a therapy session between himself and his dead ex wife with his mistress is really something that actually just happened. on my tv screen. tonight.
current mood: WHAT THE FUCK ?!?!?!?!???
honestly i think eddie diaz could stand to be reminded that his relationship with shannon didn't end because she died. it ended because she asked for a divorce
Why many people dislike Tommy Kinard (and you probably should too)
Listen, I don't like to try and dictate what characters others can like. However, I do find it concerning how quick so many people are to forgive a bigot who didn't even get a proper redemption. So, especially for those who simply don't really remember Tommy, here's a quick recap of him:
Let's start with Chimney Begins. Tommy is one of the firefighters at the 118 when Chimney becomes part of the team. The first thing Tommy says when Chim arrives is 'Hey Eli, did you forget to tip the delivery guy?' On its own, this isn't really bad, because it could very much just be a harmless joke. But in combination with Tommy's behavior throughout the rest of the episode, one could argue the comment has racist undertones. But this one's up to interpretation so let's move on.
With some time to retrospect, I think that the greatest thing about the Bi Buck arc in 7.04 is that, even if Buck genuinely had a crush on Tommy and was genuinely seeking Tommy's attention the whole time (and not just displacing his feelings for/about Eddie), that means that this is what Buck acts like when he's interested in a man. The confused jealousy, the attention-seeking, all of it. That's what Buck does when he has a crush on a man. Canonically.
...Which, uh. Which definitely reframes 2.01 a little bit. Just a little...
hands down the funniest part of 7.01 is that (1) Chris is canonically a player, and (2) Eddie’s first instinct was to send Buck in because OBVIOUSLY it’s Buck’s fault and he has to fix it
actually I’m wrong. the REAL funniest part of 7.01 is a therapized and un-repressed Eddie canonically being proud of turning women off. Eddie Diaz I know what you are