Sportsified life rambling

I don't always make sense. That's ok.

[andybee12]

Its been a while...

Things that have happened/I have made happen since my last post...

1. Took a 20 hour journey back to the U.K to re-evaluate my career and future prospects.

2. Realised that future prospects and careers were very limited in the U.K.

3. Spent time with some incredible people. (Rooga, Lester, Adamski, JP, Kirst the Worst)

4. Booked a flight back to Korea and stepped on the plane the next day.

5. Saw my girlfriend and realised I 100% made the right decision.

6. Almost financially got bot-raped off my boss (not intentionally his fault, just a breakdown in communication between what I was told by his assistants and what he actually said)

7. Bought a bicycle. (Brown Thunder (because its brown and mega))

8. Met back up with people I didn't think I would see for a long time.

9. Decided to follow a more creative path this time around instead of a drunken one like last time and I bought some pencils, paints and a skectch-book to which I have been trying to draw in at least once a week. (by the by, never lost it)

10. Bought a motorcycle. (The Black Panther (because its black and goes like stink))

11. The Premier League had finished and started again, greatly happy about that situation. (Sunderland finished 13th which is a bit of a downer from last season but considering how we started the 2011-12 campaign it was a miracle we finished there)

12. In the process of buying flights to Seattle/Vegas to have a double-birthday-thanksgiving extravaganza with SMP.

13. Skyped a friend while SP wore a Sunderland shirt.

14. Took a picture of her in said shirt.

15. Thought I missed out on playing Ultimate Frisbee, NOPE!

My parents have done an awesome job raising me. It wasn't easy for them and I am by no means perfect nor do I think I will ever be but they have given me the freedom and all the right kind of tools I need to grow into the person I am, which has led to where I am now. (Sat at a laptop, on an South Korean island in North Asia). They have taught me respect, self-confidence, how to be a gentleman, when and when not to speak up about something and these things will resonate through me until they physically can't anymore. I may be a little lacklustre in terms of finance and speaking to them but that doesn't mean to say that they are not always with me. They are the reason I am here and doing what I am doing, whether that be riding my new awesome motorcycle around (with a helmet on don't worry), watching football, drinking a beer or actually just having a casual conversation with someone.

Because of the values that they have taught me and the person they have moulded me into I have met someone who completely blew me away, and keeps on doing so everyday. I don't think that I would have met someone like this in a long time, especially not in Korea but I am so happy I did. I am lucky enough to have some of my best friends out here, sharing this experience with me and they know better than anyone how I really feel.

I am grateful of them, her and my parents for where I am. Who I am with and what I am doing. I tried to make as much of this experience something I could do. By myself.

Without them I wouldn't stand a chance. 

[dadsaretheoriginalhipster]

Your dad knew how to rage before you did and his friends are still afraid to give him whiskey because of it. At about half past tipsy, the quiet giant bear child awoke from his sober slumber and became a shit ripping, F5 party tornado. Blacked out and filled with mistakes, he went down in party history each night his alter ego was released. His actions became party folk lore, making him the Johnny Appleseed of getting gnar balls. 

So hipsters, next time you’re recanting a tale of intoxicated past and bragging about how awesome you were the previous night, remember this…

Your dad is the patron saint partying and the reason the term “that guy” exists. 

Today’s awesome dad photo submitted by kevinfergus of the tumblrverse. 

This is one of the classics that made its way into the book. There are tons of new photos and post in it too. Check it out. 

http://www.amazon.com/Dads-Original-Hipsters-Brad-Getty/dp/1452108854

[andybee12]

My dad got traction before your dad did...

[dadsaretheoriginalhipster]

Just when you think Dad can’t surprise you anymore, you’re proven wrong. I don’t even know where to begin with this one. Is Shamu photobombing him?!?! Or, did the killer whale try to live up to it’s name and made a sudden lunge at the dinner-sized bundle of joy?!?! I have so many questions. I will never understand this or the events that lead up to the snapshot, but it is priceless. No hipster will ever be able to trump this. I tip my cycling cap sir, you are a badass. 

Also, I’m willing to bet my fixie and swear on the PBR bible that this isn’t photo shopped. 

[andybee12]

Korean Diets

You would think that being an English teacher in a foreign country could lead to all kinds of weird and wonderful stories. You would be totally right to think that. I am racking up stories like autumn leaves over here, many of which the internet would even cringe at...

The last thing that I thought would happen would be that I lose a tonne of weight. Not obviously a tonne, because I would be dead and I don't think you would want that. I have been losing weight like no ones business. I can't even understand why either. This is a typical day in the life of an ESL teacher (me).

11/11.30am: Wake up.

11.45am: Cup of tea after a few snoozes on my alarm.

12/12.15pm: Leave for school, pick up a roll of kimbap. (Seaweed roll with rice and a few vegetables and some crab in there.)

1-8.30pm. Teach my face off. (If I am lucky a kid has a birthday and I get a snack)

9pm: Make a plate of Ramyeon, with kimchi, tuna and some bean sprouts and ketchup, accompanied by a glass a coke and a a cup of tea. (Ramyeon are like instant noodles, kimchi is fermented, spiced cabbage.)

That is a general weekday for me unless I go out for dinner with my boss or people. A weekend consists of an insurmountable amount of alcohol. Whether that be soju (Korea's answer to vodka) beers, Jack Daniels, Vodka, Gin, generally anything I can get my hands on I drink. 

So as you can see the above diet is not by any stretch a healthy one, but it is seeming to work because I had to cut, CUT a new hole in a £40 belt! (For all you American's out there that can't convert monies, its approximately $61.35. By approximately I mean exactly, I used the internet...that's what its there for brah!) So yeah I wasn't happy about that but knowing I am losing weight is doing wonders for my self-esteem, and doing it by enjoying the crap out of myself makes it all that much easier. 

So the lesson here is eat less, drink more, rage a LOT and the weight is (at some point) going to drop off you. You're welcome planet earth!

[andybee12]

Beans Glorious Beans!

It has taken me approximately:

15778937.79504 seconds, or,

262982.296584 minutes, or,

4383.0382764 hours, or, 

182 days or, 6 months if you want to be specific to finally get my hands on one of the things that I have missed the most about being so far away from England...

BEANS. My cousin knows what it is like to miss beans. The addiction she suffers from the greatest is beans and being away from home for so long, I think I understand it now. They are like little drops of heaven smothered in the most tomatoey of sauces. As if Jesus himself said..."you what this world needs?" His disciples said things like "peace?", "love?", "a cure for health problems?" "porn?". He just stood and looked at them with a disapproving smile and said...."Boys...we need beans!" 

You're welcome Planet Earth...Stay Gassy!

[andybee12]

Birthday love!

Having a birthday is great at the best of times. We have all been there. Weekend, weekday whatever you go out and your friends make it happen. My korean famillia have made turning 25 the easiest and most fun of birthdays. Getting some good food, drinking a lot, playing jenga, taking my clothes off, all standard Korean birthday. 

Its weird spending a birthday so far away from home, away from all the people at home who mean a lot to me. But when the people you surround yourself with step up as good as they did for me yesterday, its as good as being home!

This one is for the people who made my 25th birthday a one never to be forgotten. Even on a Thursday when people need to teach the next day, and when I need to teach today, smelling like the bottom of a pint of lager, with a silly moustache. (probably as good as I have looked in a long time tbh, I have smelled better but what's a fella to do eh?)

[andybee12]

Moustache

Growing a moustache ain't easy when you have the blondest hair on your top lip. Growing a pencil thin moustache for your birthday is even harder when it looks like a creepy little blonde caterpillar has crept onto your top lip. Good thing this is only for one day right?....

[andybee12]

What happened to volleyball?

The Brazilian volleyball team should be fitter. It's a sport for people in bikini's, why are these girls fully clothed, their hair slicked back like they are in year 9 of school and its PE?

It's sickening!

[andybee12]

Bar-stool 1 - 0 Andy

This weekend I found out what it was like to severely rupture one of the ligaments in your ankle. I didn't by any stretch of the imagination feel even a little bit good. Did that stop me playing and winning a game of Beer-pong though? Hell no it didn't, I rocked the crap out of that game...on one ankle!

Its funny when you get injured doing the most mundane things. David Seamen once broke a bone reaching for the TV remote. Robbie Keane had a similar injury but only did in his knee cartilage. I stood off my bar stool to celebrate Sunderland's first goal against Bolton and as I stood up, I went over on my ankle. Maybe I was too stupid to put both feet flat on the floor like a normal human, maybe the floor was uneven, but I went over and my ankle popped up like puff pastry on speed. It was pretty disgutsing. Did I let that ruin my night out? Hello no!

I went to the hospital and instead of worrying about my ankle, I was more concerned about my jeans and my shoes being cut off. I did acquire a sweet pair of hospital pants and after getting told my ankle is goosed, I went back out and finished my night out, like a trooper (or idiot).

I seem to have quite a few run-ins with hospitals and doctors since I have been here. I have almost dislocated my shoulder, had some terrible haemorrhoids and now this. In the 5 months I have been in Korea I have been in the hospital 3 times in 5 months, that's a terrible ratio, it could be worse though, I could be Eric Manian...

[andybee12]

Side note....

Also...I'm over my haemmorhoids.

Thanks for your kind words on Facebook, I felt really good when people were mocking me when I had something hanging out my back hoop!

[andybee12]

Temptation Shemshamtion

Recently I have been on a whirlwind of a ride. I have been drinking maybe some would say too much. I mean the recent photos of me asleep in bars might be a sign that I need to chill out the drinking, OR, just maybe, I need to be more calculated with grandpa's old medicine. I could maybe have a beer and a water, but my dad raised me better than that. I could eat something of substance before I go out, although the last time I did that, the 20quid I spent on a curry came back up almost within a half hour.

So this week I am having a sabbatical from the stuff. I have done it before, I can do it again. Don't get me wrong I love drinking. I love the social aspect of the thing. Being involved in a group of people has always been my forte so obviously when people ask if I want to meet them for a beer, most the time I am going to say yes, unless I am on the other side of the world or otherwise preoccupied. (With a lady) So I have watched some movies this week. Given that it is only Monday night I still have a good few days left so there is much temptation but Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and he did ok, even that fat pillock ate McDonalds everyday for a month, he lived, however most of his soul was believed to be found the next week in the bin of the very last McDonalds he ate. So bring on the temptation and give me films...like these for instance...

This film has been the pick of the bunch. In fact I think there are like 2 films I truly enjoyed more than this one this year, and I have seen some good films this year. I am not gonna give you a break down of the plot and character analysis, this isn't film magazine's blog your reading. But see it!

I unfortunately had the displeasure to spend 8,000won or £4.50 to go to the cinema to see this..

The appeal of this film was going to see Jason Statham's new film about people who die and action things happening and stuff. So when I sat down to watch I was already disappointed by what the lack of Jason Statham and Robert De Niro. But I put that aside to give it a chance because I like films, I watch a lot of them. I was beyond disappointed though. Like when your parents give you the look that they aren't angry they are disappointed...I wanted to find Matt Damon, tell him to go on a diet and give him that look. He would feel like I did when I tried to climb that fence with the kids my dad strictly told me not to hang around with when I was 11...he wouldn't even know the feeling of shame that would hit him.

[andybee12]

"Inside or outside?"

"Haemorrhoids are painful, swollen veins in the lower portion of the rectum or anus"

In my research I have found that there are two type of haemorrhoids; internal and external haemorrhoids. I think it doesn't take a 7-year medical degree to get the difference between the two.

So having haemorrhoids is probably the most embarrassed I have been in a long time. I have passed out on the street, skinny dipped and pretty much pushed all kinds of boundaries in Korea and have yet to be called up on it, but accepting to myself that I have haemorrhoids took a lot. I mean only old people and pregnant ladies get em right...NOPE!

What is even more embarrassing than actually having haemorrhoids is having to tell a doctor that you have em. I mean these guys are trained in this stuff, they have lube, gloves and all kinds in preparation of people coming to their office telling them this. What is ridiculous is trying to tell an old Korean doctor that you have a peach-stone hanging out your hoop is something else. Have you ever tried to sign haemorrhoids, give it a go...its difficult. He got out this giant medical book, and flipped through until he found a picture of an anus with these grapes hanging out of em and asked if they were "inside or outside," classic Korea.

Having spent only 3 months in Korea you would have thought that I would be settled now. Hell no! I have barely had a decent nights sleep unless I have had a drink. On the plus side of that I have seen a lot of movies, albeit on my jack. I have had a sore throat for 4 weeks now, and I get more regular headaches than I did at home. Stupid humidity. For instance I currently have something hanging out my ass and 3 sleeping pills coursing through me to help me sleep. This isn't how I imagined my time in Korea to be like. I mean 3 pills and something in your ass is a good night in for some people, I beg to differ, it feels terrible.

[andybee12]

This is the worst I've ever smelled.

Vacation is the chance to kick back, relax, maybe do something out of the ordinary that you wouldn't do in your regular 9-5, see something cool and interesting, generally get your shit together so you can prepare for the next few weeks of work until your next vacation. 

Not this guy.

This vacation I have spent everyday drunk. Even before my vacation I was so excited about the fact I had a full week off work that I was getting drunk midweek in the anticipation of having a mind-blowing vacation. 

Today is Sunday the 7th of August. I haven't went one day without a beer in my hand since the 26th of July. In any other circumstance, this is alcohol abuse. I am fully aware of the implications of drinking, I have had hangovers before and I am sure I will have them again. What I am not cool with is the shakes that I have started to get at around 8pm when I haven't had a drink.

It makes me sick to think of the amount of money I have spent of this 12 day bender, and a little bit embarrassed for my parents because they didn't raise me to be an idiot waeygok who gets smashed every night. At the same time it has been some of the best 12 days I have ever spent.

I have managed to wake up on a beach, face down on the floor of an apartment. I have spent 2 of these 12 nights in my own bed. I have been to Seoul, been up the Seoul Tower, made friendships, cemented already solid friendships, bought some cool stuff, learned more about Korea in 12 days than somebody could if they studied away from the place for a year. But I am now at that stage where I was so drunk I feel asleep on a concrete floor like some Korean ajashi and think its time to get my shit together and stop being a fool.

For now...

[andybee12]

Who's a racist?

Racism is a delicate subject at the best of times.

Sunderland is notorious for its obvious lack of diversity, only until recently had the place began to accept hordes of foreign students wanting to expand their minds. Blatently chose the right place then huh?. I have known people be as racist as they can be. This is not to say that I agree with it though. The thought of being a person who is so appalled by another person because of their race, the colour of their skin or the way they speak makes me sick to my stomach. I like to think that I am a person who doesn't judge a person based on race. I will rip you apart if you dress like an ajuma, but that's another story.

I have lived in Korea now for two months, I know that because I got my second paycheck today. I am finding my feet, settling in and finding comfort in the local area. What I don't find comfortable is the stares I get. I stand out in a crowd, these dashing baby blue lookers I got and this white hair means that I am not a face in the crowd in most places. In Korea, I may as well have a bell round my neck I stand out so much. So I am accustomed to the stares, I don't like them, but I am somewhat used to them now. What I will never be comfortable with is being told I can't go somewhere because I'm white. 

"Only Korean, no whites" This is a quote from a man from a bar two weeks back, to which after he kicked a friend of mine in the balls. Obviously the thing to do if we try and spend a fortune in your bar. Its funny being on the receiving end of racism after being in a town dominated by one race, gives you a whole new perspective on the subject.

[andybee12]

Another day, another story.

You would have thought that after almost getting aressted for firing a firework into a crowded area that the next night would be chilled...not a chance!

Appletinis were the drink of choice on what has got to be one of the best nights I've had in Korea. That's a real guy drink right...?

People don't like it when you tell them a beer is a girly drink when you got hold on an appletini, they get surprisingly angry, couldn't understand why. When you pay 9,000won for a drink you would pretty much hod on to that thing for dear life. Not this guy, I think I spilled more tini than I drank last night.

We partyed hard on the 14th floor of a building. I did not enjoy walking 14 floors, its further than you think, especially when you tanked up. I thought that the people on the ground floor were idiots waiting for the lift, pfft, they had their heads screwed on, this guy is the muppet for thinking he can walk 14 floors and not be tired after. A few shots and some beer pong sorted me out after.

Only after a bit of casual bar-wrestling and thinking I'm awesome sitting on a scooter and almost smashing it when I fell off did I think it was time to call it a night. Or someone else called it because I was out! What didn't happen though was the dreaded Jimjilbang. Not this time, hopefully never again.

[andybee12]

Dogs

When we think of dogs, we think of this fella, 

Enjoying being a dog, listening to some tunes, you know normal dog things. 

What you don't think is what it would taste like in soup. I tried dog yesterday for the first time. This isn't going to be a play-by-play of what it tasted like, its more of a reflection of self after eating it.

The "soup" they call it looked something similar to this, and the dog inside was not Fido who runs around your back yard chasing squirrels and frisbees. It was bred for this purpose so I didn't feel too bad, but I couldn't help but picture little Rex from up top, when I was chewing. It was the weirdest sensation to feel almost guilty for eating something, but once I chewed threw that and dipped it in some Bibimbap sauce, everything changed.

I'm not gonna say that I won't eat it again, because if someone offers you a free meal, you take it right...

I came to Korea with an open mind, willing to try my hand at the local cuisine, the local cuisine just happened to have four legs, floppy ears and in its spare time likes long walks on the beach, pooping in the refrigerator and eating whole wheels of cheese. 

[andybee12]

I do learn some things...sometimes.

So after being away from the mother-land for over a month now, and having sampled as much as a month's worth of Korea can offer up. Here are some of the things that I have learned:

1- Road Rules.

People think that New York is full of hustle and bustle and they would be right to think so, however the strict road rules mean that you are not as likely to get hit by a car, unless you are stupid enough to walk in front of one. Not in Korea though. The road rules I have observed when being in cars, walking around town, or being driven about in a taxi have shocked, appalled and down right left me speechless. From the point of a  western pedestrian its almost like watching a comedy sketch. If I was a driver around this place, I think another word would be needed to coined because road-rage would not be close to how angry I would be behind the wheel of a car.

2- Food.

Koreans are food crazy. Everything you eat will in someway or other help your body. Not in terms of nutrition as you may think, but a certain type of food will help a particular part of your body. Take the first weekend I was here. I had dinner with a group of my bosses friends and they told me that eating spicy beef would help my "stamina". I knew this because they were doing the international signal for cock, and kept saying "stamina", "ladies like, yes." I was told a chicken neck will help you be a good singer. I wonder what made people think a chicken's neck will one, be nutritious and two, how it will possibly made your throat better adapt for singing. My mum told me carrots would help me see in the dark, and I wear glasses, cheers mam, obvious deceit from an early age to tempt me into eating vegetables, but chicken necks, they aren't usually on the menu at home.

3- Work.

If someone in the city of Geoje tells you that their father/mother/brother/sister/friend does not work at/for Samsung, they are lieing.

4- Teaching.

Everything I learned at university in terms of lesson planning and evaluations of lessons, and the general teaching know-how, has pretty much gone out the window in a small hagwan. (Hagwan being a after-school class of some variety, English, Maths, TaeKwanDo, all kinds) I haven't planned a lesson, nor have I evaluated one, this is having positive and negative effects upon my teaching I feel, but it makes the job easier so whatever fits right?...

5- Socialising.

If I'm in my apartment any earlier than 5am, I feel like I have wasted a night. What is the point of being in the house when there is still raging to be done? I mean when I was home 5am would be a LONG night, but the time ebbs away in this place so fast that between the hours of 2am-5am, they are a blur, probably due to the drunken state I usually am in on the weekend, but there is something peaceful about walking home at 5am when the sun is rising and people are heading to the shipyards to begin their shift and I am going to home to sleep my face off.

6- Internet.

I was told by a number f different people that Korea has this epic internet that is faster than Gary Glitter on speed chasing a school bus. They were lying. I have yet to experience this lightening quick speeds. I would not turn my nose up at it by any stretch of the imagination, but I am currently using free internet in m apartment and it is doing the trick.

I have a whole 11 more months left to learn all kinds of new things about Korea, I'm sure the kids will be able to teach me some things as well, that is if they stop calling me grandad teacher and stop calling me a shit.