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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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if i look back, i am lost
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@angelavenge
MY NAME IS JUNE . ind. & priv. roleplay blog for june osborne from hulu's the handmaid's tale. this blog will contain highly triggering content and mature content, so please be at least eighteen ( preferably twenty - one ) before interacting with this blog. loved by nix.
it's 6:30am, I can't go back to sleep, so I'm about to watch the finale before work!
I'm gonna be around today to try to get some replies done. ☺️
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I would say June is chaotic neutral, how about you guys?
JUNE & NICHOLE 5.08 “Motherland”
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A BITTER DEBATE & A FEMININE FATE lie in tandem like two precious babes. while the former gets warmer, it's the latter that matters, except on the nation's airwaves. and custodians of public opinion state fact after vainly discussing her rights. lay your hands off of her body. IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKIN' LIFE. | original character primarily based in hulu's the handmaid's tale universe, crossovers welcomed & encouraged. sideblog to @angelavenge. BY NIX.
TEMP ABOUT.
Disorientation was to be expected when she told Luke not to call immigration on Serena Joy. Hell, June herself was stupefied with the way the events of yesterday had played out. She’d be lying to everyone, including herself, if she said she hadn’t been consumed by conflicting emotions since Serena turned her weapon on that guard instead of her, the woman who savagely murdered her husband with her bare hands. ‘I didn’t want to,’ June thought back on the words she uttered to Serena in the barn, and thought about how they contested everything she had said and felt up until that moment. Because she did want to. She wanted to kill Serena, as she did Fred. She wanted to watch her suffer.
She wanted to take pleasure in it.
What changed?
Maybe it was just her empathy returning to her, after years of feeling nothing but unbridled rage, the presence of a newborn baby and a woman in distress was enough to jump-start her own humanity once again. But that didn’t feel quite right, considering that rage she felt was still there. Maybe she never truly wanted to kill Serena at all, and it was the seething anger that clouded her principles. Did Serena deserve to be left alone in that barn to watch her baby starve while she died of sepsis? If you had asked June that question a few days ago, it would have been a hard yes. But seeing that little baby, baby Noah, in Serena’s arms and the smile on her face - she knew that child needed her.
It was a surprise to not only Luke and Moira, but to June herself, that she wanted to return to the hospital today to check on the new mother… her abuser. The woman who put her through fucking hell for years. She wanted to check on her. It was laughable, and June did laugh, in fact, to herself as she made her way inside of the hospital at the sheer madness of it.
As the former handmaid approached closer down the hallway toward Serena’s room, apprehension trickled in, made her palms a bit sweaty. She couldn’t say that seeing Serena’s face alone didn’t bring back some unyielding feelings, because it most certainly did. But the look on Serena’s face yesterday was a lot different than any other looks she had been used to seeing upon her former mistress’s face. Anguish, fear, and tenderness were not looks June was accustomed to seeing on a woman as nefarious as Serena Joy.
But as June approaches the room, she can see Serena in her hospital bed, holding baby Noah in her arms and she just looks so… happy. June believes today and the day Noah was born were the only times she’s ever seen her truly happy. June can feel her lips tug upward into the smallest of smiles before she realizes she’s standing in the doorway like a weirdo.
The backs of her knuckles give the halfway open door a few knocks to gain the attention of the mother, “Hey. I just - I came to see how little Noah was doing, they got him out of the NICU pretty fast, huh?” An awkward smile forms on her face, and she recognizes how uncomfortable she feels to be here, but she just… she needed to make sure everything was going to be okay.
Starter for @waterfrd
"Look at him. Look at your baby. You are the only person in the whole world that he knows. You are the only familiar smell. You are the only voice he recognizes. You love him. And you wanted him so much. You're his mother. And he belongs with you. That is God's will."
June's words played over and over again in Serena's head every time she looked down at Noah. Her blessed miracle, the baby she prayed for day after day for years. It almost didn't feel real, gazing down upon the sweet and innocent face of the baby before her. ❛ My angel... ❜ One finger gently runs across his lips as the blonde fawns over the child within her arms. She's far too captivated to have even noticed June enter the room. Serena remembers feeling like this with Nichole, or at least a part of it. Truly, she adored Nichole and she did fawn over her just the same. Albeit, this time it was different. This time the baby was truly hers. Was this how June felt after having gave birth all alone? Did she fawn over Nichole's first breaths and tiny movements? A mother's love kicks in, in an instant it seems. Maybe it's evolutionary, or maybe it was because the child was apart of her. Truthfully, she wasn't quite sure.
Her gaze raises from the baby as a knock on the doorway echoes through the hospital room. She's half expecting a doctor or a nurse to come in again, checking on her levels and ensuring Noah is also doing well. And yet, Serena is met with the biggest surprise of all. June has come to see her, to see how she and Noah were doing. ❛ Blessed day. ❜ Maybe it wasn't the best greeting but, she's nearly at a loss for words at the sight of the other. ❛ Oh, yes, by God's grace. They're letting me nurse him again and he can spend the night in the room with me. It's been hard to get any sleep, everyone seems to be coming in every hour to run some new test or with something for me to sign. ❜ A pause, ❛ How are you? ❜
‘Blessed day.’
‘By God’s grace.’
These phrases almost make June roll her eyes, but she hinders it. However, her expression does twist in a vague way at the sound of them, partially conveying her vexation. Slowly, she lets her faint smile return to her features as Serena continues, and with her hands in her dirty jean pockets, she takes a few steps into the room. She managed to take a shower, however, laundry was put on the back burner. A lot of little things that used to be important seemed so insignificant now.
June can tell by the look in her eyes that Serena was surprised to see her in the doorway instead of one of the many nurses that have apparently been pestering the mother all hours of the night. June was surprised to be standing here herself, and even more surprised that when Serena asked how June was doing, it seemed like she meant it.
“I’m okay,” she nods and smiles, unsure what the real answer truly is, as she takes in the sight of the beautiful little life within her abuser’s arms. There’s a long pause as the smile fades, and is replaced by a look that displays June’s contention, “Luke, he, uh… he wanted to call immigration,” she starts, unaware she was going to disclose this information to Serena at all.
Maybe June just wanted Serena to know that she still could have fucked her life up, the way Serena did to June — but she didn’t. As the shorter blonde continues, she gradually approaches closer to the end of Serena’s hospital bed, “he wanted to get you arrested and have your baby taken away from you, so you would finally know how It feels,” she’s speaking matter-of-factly, knowing Serena can handle June’s truth, and she looks her in her eyes as she goes on, “and I wanted that too. If you had asked me two days ago if that’s what I wanted, I wouldn’t have hesitated,” she shakes her head slightly with her words, and there’s another pause as her eyes and facial features soften, “but I told him not to, because that’s not what I want.”
June’s features alleviate further as she breaks the eye contact for a moment, blue hues becoming the slightest bit hazy, “I don’t want to be responsible in any way for another child being ripped away from their mother,” she makes eye contact again, “No mother deserves that, Serena.”
It’s not for you. It’s for him.
@chaotiicgoods asked : “ i love you the way you are, okay? you don't need to change. ” - nick
June knew the feelings were there. The feelings have been there for years, and even though they were apart for such a long time, the feelings never left. That fact really cemented itself over the past few weeks of Nick being here in Canada, spending time with him as he spends time with his daughter. Their daughter. The beautiful little life that they brought into the world, amidst all of pain, all of the grief and the torment — Nichole was good. She was perfect. Hannah was beginning to adjust a bit better as well, and June would be forever grateful to Nick for bringing her little girl home to her. All of these things flooded her mind all the time, and Nick was at the center of it all, with guilt trailing slowly behind. Guilt of hurting Luke.
Even though June knew the feelings have always been there, it was something else hearing them out loud, Nick’s voice touched the cool, early evening air and June actually felt her heart flutter behind her rib cage in a way it hasn’t since all the times she spent with Nick in Gilead before. He was her only safe place, her solace. Love in a loveless country.
June still loves Luke, but it’s different. Nick knows June in ways that Luke could never know, knows her trauma in ways Luke could never understand. Lately, Luke and June haven’t been connecting, not really. And maybe that’s June’s fault? Maybe she’s been too withdrawn from him, because she’s been opening herself more to Nick. Talking with him seems… easier.
She doesn’t quite know what to say back to him, as they sit alone together on a bench at the park, Nichole finally falling asleep in her stroller. There’s a tenderness in her gaze as she meets his, before glancing down at his gloved hand to take it within her own, “You know I love you too. I never stopped,” she shrugs as an involuntary chortle escapes her lips, “it’s just… such a weird situation, ya know?” Her thumb strokes the fabric over his flesh, and she sighs, looking back up at him, “Is it bad that all I want to do right now is kiss you?” She asked the question before even giving it much thought, but she was sure the guilt would catch up with her once Nick’s lips were out of her sight.
𝐨𝐭𝐩 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬 —
ꞮꞮꞮ. reassuring your lover: (scenario prompts)
“ i’m rooting for you. ”
“ i’m here for you, always will be. ”
“ you’ll be okay. ”
“ i’ll protect you. ”
” i’ll keep you safe. ”
“ i came as soon as i heard — ”
“ everything is going to be all right. ”
“ trust me when i say that. ”
“ please don't worry. ”
“ we'll make it together, i promise. ”
“ we're a team. ”
“ i'm not ever leaving you. ”
“ i won't let any danger even touch us. ”
“ you’re going to be alright. ”
“ i'm not letting something as simple as that separate us. ”
“ are you okay? ”
“ i'm promising you all of eternity. ”
“ we’re inseparable. till the end. ”
“ we'll always have each other. ”
“ you'll be with me, right? ”
“ don’t worry darling, i’m right here. ”
“ i’ll be right here, by your side. ”
“ i believe in you. ”
“ you will win, i know it. ”
“ it doesn't matter if you win or lose, you'll still be the best player i know. ”
“ hush, don't think about that. ”
“ don't listen to them. ”
“ they're stupid. ”
“ don't let the garbage they spew get into your head. it's what they want. ”
“ i can't believe they said that! ”
“ you didn't deserve to hear that. ”
“ you matter. a lot. you matter so much to me. never think you don't. ”
“ don't doubt yourself, honey. ”
“ never say that about yourself. never. ”
“ you are worth it. you are more than worth it. ”
“ we're going to be forever. ”
“ you are worth everything and so much more. ”
“ i won't fail you. ” “ you never have. ”
“ i won't ever let you down. ”
“ we don't have to do this if you don't want to. ”
“ it's your choice. ”
“ you're not obligated to do this, you know. ”
“ you're really beautiful. ”
“ have i ever told you how perfect you are? ”
“ i’d accept you anyway you are. ”
“ you don't need to change any part of yourself for anyone. ”
“ i love you the way you are, okay? you don't need to change. ”
“ it's natural. it's part of you. of course i don't hate it. ”
“ i love you. every single thing about you. ”
“ you’re amazing. ”
✷ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; fluff edition ( . 01 )
❝ here, let me hold you. you look cold. ❞
❝ you sleep like a baby, you know that right ? ❞
❝ i'm fine staying here with you, we can watch your favorite tv shows, cook a meal together, cuddles. we don't have to go anywhere. ❞
❝ you're not burdening me, my love. taking care of you is my responsibility. ❞
❝ don't worry, I'll be here when you're awake. ❞
❝ do you want your good luck kisses ? ❞
❝ you're perfect the way you are. ❞
❝ you're really hypnotizing me by your beauty. ❞
❝ i love your voice, it's soothing. ❞
❝ you're warm, i don't want to let you go. ❞
❝ come here, and give me a goodnight kiss. ❞
❝ you seem tired, i can give you a massage if you want to. ❞
❝ i made you your favorite. ❞
❝ sleep, darling. i'll protect you from the nightmares. ❞
❝ let me carry you. ❞
❝ it's okay, I don't mind buying something. ❞
❝ you don't have to talk about it, just let me make the pain go away. ❞
❝ stay here, i'll run you a bath. ❞
❝ rest, let me do the cleaning. ❞
❝ fine, you can hug me for five minutes; but then you have to let me go. ❞
❝ i'm not staring at you, i'm admiring you. ❞
❝ don't go yet, let me hold you for a moment. ❞
❝ don't hide your face away from me, let me see the blush on your face and that shy smile of yours. ❞
❝ i'm very lucky to have you. ❞
the intimacy of hands.
[ win ] – for the sender’s muse to place a hand on the receiver’s neck and rest their forehead against the receiver’s own for a close congrats or excitement at something. [ brush ] – for the sender’s muse to give the receiver’s muse a passing touch along the shoulder’s / back as they walk by. [ hold ] – for the sender’s muse to hold the receiver’s muse by the face / neck gently and brush their thumbs along their cheeks to get them to focus on them. [ passing confidence ] – for the sender’s muse brush their finger’s against the receiver’s muse’s hand, too scared to hold their hand. [ intertwine ] – for the sender’s muse to intertwine their finger’s the receiver’s muse and kiss the back of their hand. [ intertwine & kiss ] – for the sender’s muse to intertwine their finger’s the receiver’s muse and kiss the back of their hand. [ intertwine & hold ] – for the sender’s muse to intertwine their finger’s the receiver’s muse and hold them during an emotional moment to reassure them. [ wrap ] – for the sender’s muse to casually wrap their arms around the receiver’s neck and lean on their shoulder from behind. [ palm kiss ] – for the sender’s muse to kiss the palm of receiver’s hand. [ hand kiss ] – for the sender’s muse to kiss the back of the receiver’s hand. [ lay ] – for the sender’s muse to lay next to the receiver and lay their hand in the receiver muses’ hand. [ reassure ] – for the sender’s muse to place their hand over the receiver’s in a moment of stress and squeeze reassuringly. [ squeeze ] – for the sender’s muse to place their hands on the receiver’s shoulders from behind, and offer a reassuring / affirming squeeze before moving on. [ pluck ] – for the sender to pluck a foreign object ( twig / leaf / etc. ) out of the receiver muses’ hair. [ play ] – for the sender’s muse to run their hand up the receiver’s shoulder and play with the hair at the base of their neck as a means of comfort. [ rub ] – for the sender muse to rub up and down the receiver’s back / shoulder as a means of comfort. [ shoulder ] – for the sender’s muse to place a hand on the receiver’s shoulder to comfort them, or stop them. [ hug ] – for the sender’s muse to drag the receiver’s muse into a tight hug by the back of the neck, and play with their hair at the base of their neck in order to comfort them. [ shock ] – for the sender to recoil a bit in shock at how quick the receiver latches onto them in a moment of high emotion, before returning the affections. [ cup ] – for the sender’s muse to cup the receiver’s face, and brush their thumb along the receiver’s cheek. [ hair ] – for the sender to brush a strand of hair out of the receiver’s face. [ hair & lean ] – for the sender to brush a strand of hair out of the face, and lean in slowly for a kiss. [ cup & kiss ] – for the sender’s muse to cup the receiver muses’ face during an incredibly passionate and long overdue kiss. [ what a rush ] – for the long long overdue kiss to end, only for the sender to rest their head on the receiver’s, and comment “do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?” [ no tears ] – for the sender to cup the receiver’s face and brush away their tears with their thumbs. [ no tears & kiss ] – for the sender to cup the receiver’s face and brush away their tears with their thumbs & kiss the receiver’s forehead. [ stumble ] – for the sender’s muse to catch and help the receiver’s muse keep balance. [ shudder ] – for the sender to shudder a little at some gentle touch from the receiver. [ nononono! ] – for the sender to hold the receiver’s head / face while they’re injured, brush their thumb along their cheeks & refuse to accept that the receiver is dying. [ acceptance ] – for the sender & receiver to sit / lay somewhere in acceptance of their ends together. in a final act of closeness, the sender places their hand in the receiver’s own.
[ prompt ] + reverse – to reverse any of the prompts !
June Osborne in The Handmaid’s Tale - 5.07 “No Man’s Land”
I don’t care that you’re sorry. We mattered. We were… We are people. We have lives. And that’s why I’m gonna save yours, Serena. Because this isn’t Gilead. And I am not you.
