Alastor + disaster cook! S/O
gif, original work and characters do not belong to me
you could not cook to save your life
any attempt at cooking would result in certain failure in the best case scenario and 5.4 magnitude earthquake damage in the worst
sure, you could make edible pasta and if you really put your best efforts into it, acceptable omelette too
but anything past that level of complexity was simply out of your league, a lost cause to put it mildly
don't you even think about making a cake, that shit's dangerous
as they say: as above so below
when you landed in Hell and found yourself joining the Happy Hotel soon after, you came to find out your culinary skills had not magically improved
which is quite ironic since Charlie had made you head chef of the hotel
the string of curses which had left your lips upon hearing the news had been legendary, even for Hell
you adored the demon princess with your whole heart (or whatever was left of it anyway), bUT REALLY CHARLIE? YOU DO NOT GIVE A GUN TO A CHILD AND EXPECT CASUALTIES NOT TO HAPPEN
at this point you were certain she was subconsciously auto-sabotaging
either way, you didn't have the heart to tell her no, so you decided to put your heart and soul into trying to learn how to properly cook, which didn't turn out to be the ideal choice of words since you were in Hell and your soul was probably rotten to the core
at least, nobody could say you hadn't tried your damn best
and hey! some days your cooking hadn't even been completely sickening
you decided to stick to easy, “safe” dishes though, you know, just to be sure
so pasta and eggs were definitely a thing
a constant and repetitive thing to be precise
you were trying your best, okay? nobody in your place with your limited set of skills would have taken the job, but you did and you deserved recognition for that feat alone
or a fucking donkey hat for your skyrocketing dumbness levels
things were not so bad at first
both Charlie and Vaggie were very supportive, each one of them in their own way - even though you had totally seen Charlie trying to swallow pure unadulterated fear that one time you had announced you wanted to try to cook something more elaborate
Angel Dust on the other hand... hadn't been as considerate as to lie to your face about what he thought of your cooking
"fuck me doll, this shit's disgusting"
*insert the I don't have friends they disappoint me vine here*
Vaggie had proceeded to give Angel quite the earful while Charlie tried her best to cheer you up
you went full hermit mode on them for two days after that
you were proud of yourself, handling criticism so well
anyway, the cycle kept repeating, with the only difference that most days Angel would grab something to eat outside of the hotel and join you during meals only to blankly stare at the plates and silvery
Charlie had tried to shield you from the truth, but you weren't that stupid
you respected Angel's choice, really, you did, and you had decided to be the bigger person among the two
that's why you began to put a lil bit of laxative into his portions whenever he decided to grace your efforts and actually eat your "disgusting cooking"
y’know just to spicy things up a little
at least now he had a valid reason to complain
with the whole fiasco on live TV and the sudden and suspicious appearence of the one and only Radio Demon at your doorstep, however, things started going haywire
Alastor's presence was eeirly demanding and unsettlingly charmimg at the same time
so it was only natural for you to gravitate the fuck away from him whenever you could
you always acted politely, greeting him whenever you bumped into him through the corridors of the hotel, but you only went as far as to appear courteous because you didn't want for him to go Hannibal Lecter on you. thanks, no thanks
“and what can you do my feminine fellow?”
you had snorted a bit at that which immediately shifted the strawberry pimp's attention to yourself
“and what about you, pretty dame? I take it you're in charge of the kitchens around here?”
dressed in your chef attire, you were going to meekly answer him, but before you could, roaring laughter erupted in the room. it belonged to the one and only slutty spider you found oh so irritating
in the fraction of seconds, Alastor snapped his neck at an unnatural angle to stare at the spider with a strained smile on his face
needless to say, the cursed image would forever haunt your traumatized psyche
“hasn't your mother taught you it is rude to interrupt a conversation which you have no part in? that just won't do!”
static filled the air and you feared you were going to implode if the heavy pressure didn't lift off soon enough, so you decided to take action
“ugh... yes, I'm the head chef! but, well, I... could actually use some practice and proper training?”
you hated how uncertain you sounded, but Angel's comments and your own dissatisfaction with your culinary products made you quite self-conscious about your skills
“don't fret your pretty little head about it, my dear! I, for one, am a culinary connaisseur and wonderful chef, if I do say so myself. I'll be ecstatic to guide you through your training!”
how you'd be able to handle his booming voice during hours and hours of practice was your first and main concern, but you had never been one to refuse the chance to finally prove the people who had criticized you wrong *cough cough* Angel Dust
since that day, Alastor began to personally give you cooking lessons
he was exuberant and pretty sly when it came to veiled jabs about your dreadful cooking, but he really took his time to help you out
which you had been both grateful and suspicious about
“now, we can't have our future patrons starving to death, can we?”
he was strangely patient and an overall good teacher too (emphasis on overall)
he guided you step by step through each dish, simultaneously showing off his own flawless culinary skills
you hated that you daily found yourself boosting his already GIGANTIC ego, but you couldn't help it. you could only dream about reaching that level of artistry in cooking
he always came up with creative recipes to test your limits and cooked for you in order to make you more familiar with different tastes. his mother’s were your favorites, jambalaya being his one true specialty
he had blindfolded you once and proceeded to present you with various samples of spices, oilments and all kinds of food so that you could acquaint yourself with the smells and flavors of the ingredients and figure out yourself which ones would best suit a certain dish
saying you were hesitant at first was an understatement, because you know? being completely at the mercy of a sadistic serial killer who had terrorized the seven circles of hell? not even being able to see him? not on your bucket list
he had tried to ease your nervousness with the whole “if I wanted to hurt anyone here, I would have done so already” thing, but it was getting kind of old pretty fast
“if I had been one to play with fire, I'd have joined a circus”
he found your sense of humor as endearing your sheer presence
(when he rolled up his sleeves to cook, you felt like you could catch fire any minute, you were a slut for strong skinny arms)
yes, Alastor had always loved to show off his own impeccable skills but he unexpectedly found himself enjoying the moments spent in your company too
he relished in seeing you fail again and again, but he also admired the way you always managed to bring yourself back up to your feet each time
he had yet to fully understand if it was foolishness or stubbornness to guide your steps
either way, you turned out to be his favorite form of entertainment in the hotel!
no matter how many slights would he send your way, you'd always manage to find an appropriate remark that made his permanent smile stretch a little more in sheer amusement
“oh dear, this beef is so undercooked one could still hear the poor beast’s lament”
“the only noise I hear is the obnoxious ramblings of an arrogant boomer”
he wasn't technically a boomer but it was always so satisfying to irk him with terms he had no knowledge of
during your cooking lessons, when the only thing left to do with a dish was wait and pray for the best, you'd come to talk about everything and anything
he'd talk to you about his precious New Orleans as he remembered it and you'd fill him in on recent historical/social developments of your time
he always looked so taken when you shared with him that modern knowledge and it made you feel useful for a change
it was, dare you say it, almost adorable how he'd ask you countless questions about your home town, the catastrophes of the last century and had there been any other war since his death?
the topic switches almost made you dizzy though
once or twice, when the timing allowed, he'd even indulge in a musical show to pass time
on the days your mood soured because of a particularly complicated recipe or bad result, he'd drag you along and dance until you were so distracted by the absurdness of the circumstances that you forgot about your previous sadness
with time, his musical shows became more frequent as he realized you'd always offer him a genuine smile after his flashy performances
it was out of personal indulgence, not because he liked the way his music always seemed to cheer you up
he'd not been vocal about the way he tried to comfort you, but you were grateful nonetheless
the first time you managed to succesfully complete one of his complicated recipes, you had almost cried
“now, now deary, under my watchful eye, it was only a matter of time until you'd finally blossom into a fine cook!”
“Alastor can I... can I hug you?”
and how could he say no to such an adorable expression? he found himself stunned into silence, not being able to tell you yes either, therefore you slowly came closer as if trying not to scare a wild animal away
when Alastor passively stood before you, not moving away, you wrapped your arms around him
he really was such a dorky noodle
he didn't relax into the hug, but he kept still as you relished in the moment and let the pressure you had hoarded for months now loose
Alastor proceeded to show off your dish during dinner and even Angel Dust could do nothing but shut up and dig in
The all powerful Radio Demon was simply so proud of your progress - not that he doubted you'd prevail in the end, thanks to his expertise and guidance
from that moment onward things only got better and even if you didn't necessarily need Alastor's help anymore, neither of you ever mentioned going your separate ways
you were both secretly glad for the silent agreement
friendly banter and dad jokes were a daily occurrence and with your new-found confidence in the field, you'd always bite back showing off new delicious dishes instead than words
you still had trouble every now and then, but Alastor was always there to help you out
not that you'd ever hear the end of it if you actually asked him for help
“what was that, my darling? is the mightiest chef in Hell having trouble in Paradise?”
you had noticed however that he'd started sneaking glances your way more than usual lately and he also started following you around wherever you went in the hotel. he became your shadow both inside and outside of the kitchen
the attention soon became unnerving, even more so when you'd go in the kitchen only find a different flower on the counter each morning
you came to realize that Alastor's advances were rather old fashioned, but you would amuse the dork and yourself for a while before taking charge
gifts became an ordinary occurrence as well as praise and you preferred not to think about what praise could do to you when it came from Alastor
he enjoyed your reactions to his flattering words a little too much, he had to admit
you had had enough of his childish antics one day and you decided to finally put your plan into action
“Al, can you come here for one sec?”
he wasn't particularly fond of the nickname, but you just loved to get under his skin as much as he did when it came to you
“what can I do for you, my darling chef?”
“here, I have a gift for you”
he looked uncharacteristically unsure of what to do but slightly amused as well. in the end curiosity took the best of him and he finally decided to open the box you had handed to him rather unceremoniously
the apron you had chosen was a perfect fit for your long boi
“kiss the cook? well, if you ask me so nicely, I just might have to”
he then proceeded to peck your cheek and you swore you could have fainted right there and then by the sheer sweetness of the gesture
it hadn't exactly been what you had planned, but you weren't going to complain
your relationship was bound to be full of surprises apparently
