[markv5]

Внебрачный сын пчелы и тигра…

[divalectics]

[canadianstuck]

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

[ournameisfun]

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

[sammysausage]

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

[shiftythrifting]

“that outfit is so  L O OS E   B U T T H O L E” - found in value village in vancouver, BC. 

[iwakuralame-deactivated20180216]

actually terrifying covers for Lolita: Max Temesu & Linn Olofsdotter

“Lolita is not about love, because love is always mutual; Lolita is about obsession, which is never, ever love, and Nabokov himself was so disappointed that people did not understand this and take away the right message… For how could anyone call this feeding frenzy of selfishness, devouring, and destruction ‘love’?“ - Vanity Fair’s Gregor von Rezzori

[mountingfailures]

This is one of the most relatable clips I ever saw.

[goldensweetcheeks-deactivated20]

Im cracking UP

[chillwerewolf]

small child: [absolutely incomprehensible gibberish]

me:

[hungry-hobbits]

small child: [absolutely incomprehensible gibberish]

me:

do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start to get pissed off at even little things like a spoon clinking against a bowl or sounds of people talking  

[alternativeblkgal]

I think it’s called sensory overload. It’s really common in people with anxiety

[reynabeth-deactivated20180821-d]

it can also be a result of sleep deprivation, stress, or ever dehydration !!

[mightbeinsaneforever]

thanks i thought i was just a bitch

[theunsentproject]

(via C)

[dankasauruswrex]

[postllimit]

live footage of, me

[gif87a-com]

[back-that-sass-up]

TERRIFIC stuff by the cat!

[autohaste]

I don’t know what’s going on but it’s a lot

[angryhoefromjupiter]

i miss my bf but i cant tell him that bc we’re fighting and possibly gonna break up n i gotta keep ignoring him cos he’s ignoring me

[surreal--memes]

[dangjoekeery]

[redcorset]

[beyonslayed]