hey, liah here! i’ve been avoiding this topic for a while now and i really can’t do that anymore, so i’ll just flat out say it. i apologize for waiting eight months to show up and i feel terrible for keeping it to myself.
for the past eight months, i have been trying to find myself again. a lot of things happened that i’d rather not disclose but it took its toll on me and i knew i had to figure it out myself before coming back here. i deleted tumblr and most of my social media off my phone so that i would resist the urge to go back.
i feel happier than i was a few months ago. this—very long—break helped me realize a number of things about myself. which leads me to my next point.
i’m abandoning this blog. i’ve found that i no longer hold as much interest for exo (or kpop in general) than i did before. i still hold a passion for writing but i feel that continuing to write on this blog would get me nowhere and will simply feel like a chore.
again, i feel terrible for keeping it in all this time. i have lead all of you on which i deeply regret. i’m sorry for such an abrupt message, for not answering asks, for the unanswered requests in my inbox. this blog holds so many good memories. i have made a number of friends which i won’t forget. i love you all and thank you for this wonderful ride.
uhm "numb." was so GOOD??? for a drabble (? i think thats what its called) that was unbelievably well written and engulfed me entirely just by the wording. i interpreted that as the person he's searching for died? i think i'm going to cry that was actually so beautiful i love your writing thank you so much for that (i found you through "mister", idk if u remember me but I'M. SO. GLAD. I FOLLOWED YOU FROM THAT DAY)
My favorites fics of yours was these two drabbles, the one with sehun "whoever makes noises first loses" and the kyungsoo's one "takes notes, sweetheart/take off your shirt"
aw i personally don’t like the kyungsoo one but thank you 😊💞
a/n : you can choose to interpret this story however way you want. i didn’t really have one in mind so i left it at that. i guess this is to make up for my inactivity? [UNEDITED]
a/n : you can choose to interpret this story however way you want. i didn’t really have one in mind so i left it at that. i guess this is to make up for my inactivity? [UNEDITED]
the world stood still as the man uttered those words.
silence. chanyeol didn’t move, he didn’t speak, just stared. the familiar sound of your name should have struck a sense of calmness in him, but it did exactly the opposite. the call of his name tried hard to bring him back to reality, but he was too far gone for the latter to reach him.
so instead, he hastily grabbed his jacket from its position on the chair and ran.
pushing his way past strangers and onto the busy street, he hailed a cab. with a shaky breath, chanyeol muttered the address of the only place he deemed safe right now; home.
he longed to be in your arms, wished to be enveloped in your warm embrace, shielding him away from everything else. the ride felt longer than it should have. was it his nerves, forcing everything to feel slower?
he couldn’t think about anything but home. the cab finally stopped in front of your apartment building. with a quick payment, he rushed up the stairs and hurriedly fished out his pair of keys. his mind was on hyperdrive, sending out signals for him to stop because he already knew the inevitable outcome.
however, he refused to listen to the voice in his head because what if it was just some cruel joke the universe decided to play on him? he was sure that he’d been nothing but good. yeah, there were mistakes here and there but he always took the time to do the right thing. so why him?
the door swung open and he dashed inside. the light filtering through your dark curtains provided little light in the dining room. he never liked them. it was too gloomy and dark, and certainly didn’t fit the personality of the happy and bright person that was you.
he called your name like a broken player, repeating your name as if it would magically make your appear. chanyeol was starting to lose hope in ever seeing you again, and it terrified him. opening the door to your room, the sight of your unkept bed shook him. you never left your bed messy when you woke up. you had probably rushed to work that morning. his knees gave up beside your bed.
a dry sob escaped his mouth as he fisted your duvet in his hand. the word ‘no’ repeated in his head like a mantra.
the cold grip of reality caught up to him in the marathon he was running. it swallowed him whole, leaving him shaking and vulnerable. he felt the hot tears run down his cheeks as he finally broke. chanyeol’s mind was clouded except for the one thought:
warnings — descriptions of feeling alone, i guess?
a/n — just a little something i wrote. i’ve been feeling off lately and i just decided to write it out. this isn’t a fanfic or anything so you don’t have to read it. [unedited]
you often found yourself staring at the moon.
the round, silver shape provided little light for the secluded haven you made for yourself. soft grass laid underneath your body as you gazed up at the dark sky. no clouds, no stars, nothing. just the silver moon.
it were times like these that prompted you to just lie down and relax. the shadows of the looming trees hid you from prying eyes. you wondered who could be awake at this hour. there were no other sounds except for your quiet breathing. none of the usual chirp of crickets or the soft breeze. just silence.
how long has it been since you felt any emotion? happiness, sorrow, pain; it was nothing to you anymore. it felt like a vital piece of you was stripped away, leaving you vulnerable and bleak.
you awaited the pang in your chest as you thought about it, but nothing came. just an empty hole.
you tried to remember how it felt to be able to live. the rush of adrenaline seeping into your veins, the serenity of just relaxing without a care in the world.
no, you just felt empty.
your breath hitched and a tiny burn found its way into your nose. the visual of the full moon turned glossy and soon enough, you were crying.
but why? why were you crying? a wet trail of tears streaked down your cheeks but no sobs erupted. you didn’t wail, you didn’t scream, just the occasional sniffle as you lied there, the tears raining down your face.
you made no effort to wipe them away. it didn’t occur to you how long you stayed there, crying while staring at glowing figure ahead.
it were times like these that you found yourself staring at the moon.
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