hello vonnie
ojovivo
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
almost home
Product Placement
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Kiana Khansmith
i don't do bad sauce passes
roma★
styofa doing anything
tannertan36
ellievsbear
Discoholic 🪩
Andulka
trying on a metaphor
Claire Keane
PR's Tumblrdome
dirt enthusiast
seen from France
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@anicymoon
the ashtrays in airplane bathrooms are a fascinating harm reduction metaphor. yes it's illegal as hell to smoke in there. yes there's a smoke detector that will snitch on you the second you light up. so why is there an ashtray? because if there weren't, your single momentary dumbass crime could kill 300 people. it is fucking vital that if someone does have a lit cigarette on a plane, they have a place to safely put it out.
"and the universe said i love you."
I’m not Christian, I don’t go to church anymore, and my pastor died, but when he was alive I’d sometimes go to his sermons and I remember one time he said “it feels good to hate, but we know that it isn’t allowed, so when we’re told that we’re allowed to hate someone we get so excited that we forget we’re supposed to love”, and if my humble atheist ass might borrow some church talk I’d like to perhaps submit that
Anyhow sometimes on the day to day I feel disgust or revulsion and I have to ask myself “is this a danger to anyone at all or am I just looking for something I’m allowed to hate” and a solid 98/100 times it’s the latter so once again thank you pastor D
yall.
YALL.
Unlearning How White People Ask Personal Questions
http://www.samefacts.com/2014/05/culture-and-civil-society/unlearning-how-white-people-ask-personal-questions/
Holy shit. I have ALWAYS thought the people around me were being unconscionably intrusive and power-playing in their starter conversations and they told me I was antisocial and oblivious to culture norms. Turns out, maybe I’m just from a different culture.
****new link****
by Keith Humphreys - May 5, 2014
When I met my fiance’s African-American stepfather, things did not start well. Stumbling for some way to start a conversation with a man whose life was unlike mine in almost every respect, I asked “So, what do you do for a living?”.
He looked down at his shoes and said quietly “Well, I’m unemployed”.
At the time I cringed inwardly and recognized that I had committed a terrible social gaffe which seemed to scream “Hey prospective in-law, since I am probably going to be a member of your family real soon, I thought I would let you know up front that I am a completely insensitive jackass”. But I felt even worse years later when I came to appreciate the racial dimension of how I had humiliated my stepfather-in-law to be.
For that painful but necessary bit of knowledge I owe a white friend who throughout her childhood attended Chicago schools in a majority Black district. She passed along a marvelous book that helped her make sense of her own inter-racial experiences. It was Kochman’s Black and White Styles in Conflict, and it had a lasting effect on me. One of the many things I learned from this anthropological treasure trove of a book is how race affects the personal questions we feel entitled to ask and the answers we receive in response.
My question to my stepfather was at the level of content a simple conversation starter (albeit a completely failed one). But at the level of process, it was an expression of power. Kochman’s book sensitized me to middle class whites’ tendency to ask personal questions without first considering whether they have a right to know the personal details of someone else’s life. When we ask someone what they do for a living for example, we are also asking for at least partial information on their income, their status in the class hierarchy and their perceived importance in the world. Unbidden, that question can be quite an invasion. The presumption that one is entitled to such information is rarely made explicit, but that doesn’t prevent it from forcing other people to make a painful choice: Disclose something they want to keep secret or flatly refuse to answer (which oddly enough usually makes them, rather than the questioner, look rude).
Kochman’s book taught me a new word, which describes an indirect conversational technique he studied in urban Black communities: “signifying”. He gives the example (as I recall it, 25 years on) of a marriage-minded black woman who is dating a man who pays for everything on their very nice dates. She wonders if he has a good job. But instead of grilling him with “So what do you do for a living?”, she signifies “Whatever oil well you own, I hope it keeps pumping!”.
Her signifying in this way is a sensitive, respectful method to raise the issue she wants to know about because unlike my entitled direct question it keeps the control under the person whose personal information is of interest. Her comment could be reasonably responded to by her date as a funny joke, a bit of flirtation, or a wish for good luck. But of course it also shows that if the man freely chooses to reveal something like “Things look good for me financially: I’m a certified public accountant at a big, stable firm”, he can do so and know she will be interested.
Since reading Kochman’s book, I have never again directly asked anyone what they do for a living. Instead my line is “So how do you spend your time?”. Some people (particularly middle class white people) choose to answer that question in the bog standard way by describing their job. But other people choose to tell me about the compelling novel they are reading, what they enjoy about being a parent, the medical treatment they are getting for their bad back, whatever. Any of those answers flow just as smoothly from the signification in a way they wouldn’t from a direct question about their vocation.
From the perspective of ameliorating all the racial pain in the world, this change in my behavior is a grain of sand in the Sahara. But I pass this experience along nonetheless, for two reasons. First, very generally, if any of us human beings can easily engage in small kindnesses, we should. Second, specific to race, if those of us who have more power can learn to refrain from using it to harm people in any way – major or minor — we should do that too.
This is really useful stuff – as someone who’s on disability and knows a ton of people in the same boat, “What do you do for a living?” can be such a loaded question. “How do you spend your time?” is a much more compassionate thing to ask, because you can just enthuse about what you’re writing or how great your cats are or whatever.
See this is the shit they should have been teaching me in therapist school.
See this is the shit
they should have been teaching me
in therapist school.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
I once told a patient “I completely understand” and they turned back to me and said “no, you don’t, you truly don’t” at the time I was taken aback by such a curt response to a statement of empathy, I stopped saying it completely, and then a day came when I was telling someone I love about something that was deeply hurtful to me, and they just responded with “well, yeah, me too” … and I felt so… unheard and dismissed and more alone in my situation. And the next time a patient or a loved one shared sth like that with me, I just said “ I can only begin to imagine what that feels like, I’m sorry you’ve had to.”
“Validation” and “empathy” words that have been expanded, overstated, ridiculed and been made to lose a lot of meaning in recent times, it is important to remember why they were brought to the table in the first place.
"Just because I'm right, doesn't mean I'm being helpful" is a vastly underrated thought process that I strongly encourage others to get comfortable with
Hans Bellmer (1933-34)
my desire to be hidden from the world just keeps intensifying
u good?
girl obviously not
art: Mac Baconai
unlearn shame. then with all the new space in your brain you can learn something cool. like you can learn how to read braille. or you can learn how to make chocolate mousse. you can do anything really
end of january affirmations
im not doing anything wrong and no one is mad at me
there must be a place for me in this world because here i am
my art doesnt suck
instagram is nothing to me
honestly the main reason i care about harm reduction is that i believe addicts are deserving of life. "what if they don't get clean?" they still deserve to live. "what if they don't contribute?" they still deserve to live. "what if they 'abuse' the system?" they still deserve to live.
addicts deserve to live by virtue of them being human. nothing will change that. nobody deserves to die of an overdose.
they should make a pill that makes people in their 20s feel good about where their lives are going
Impressive to me that no one said the same thing twice
